


Bubblegum

by OreoPromises



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 13:52:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 40,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OreoPromises/pseuds/OreoPromises
Summary: Kihyun was the kind of student you would know about even if he was three grades above you, who you would hear about when you caught hushed conversations as you walked passed the staff room, when award ceremonies came up and everyone mentioned his name.He'd had been away for a year though. No one knew why he suddenly wasn’t attending school anymore, why the teacher’s hushed conversations took on a different tone when he was mentioned now.When Kiyhun comes back, Hoseok watches from the seat behind him as he lets bubblegum pink locks fall into his eyes, flunking all his classes to go smoke.He’d soon find out the reason Kihyun left, about his rebellious side now that he’s back, find out what happened to Yoo Kihyun to destroy the home he’d built for himself. How to help re-build it.





	1. The Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uni-  
> Shownu- 18th June,    19  first year
> 
> College-    second year
> 
> Hoseok- 1st March,     17                 
> Minhyuk- 3rd November,    17  
> Kihyun- 22nd November ,  17  
> First year  
>    
> Hyungwon- 15th january,   17  
> Jooheon- 6th October, 16  (17 next month)  
> Changkyun- 26th January, JUST 16

Hoseok doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary as he walks into his early morning biology class, dragging his stool groggily closer to Minhyuk’s as his friend jumps onto the stool next to him. It was only when Minhyuk seems to notice something, drawing in a sharp breath and sitting up straighter, that he even bothers to look around the room. One of the seats on the front row, the row just before his, had been empty since the start of the year, and granted he was startled to look up and find a small figure in the previously vacant seat, but Hoseok didn’t really think a new student warranted such a large reaction.  
It was only when his teacher finally arrives that he understands, rushing an explanation onto the end of her instructions.  
“-and I’m sure you will all welcome Yoo Kihyun back warmly, class.”

Hoseok looks back at the body slouched in front of him. All he could see was the black hoodie drowning his petite figure- it looked good, and Hoseok was trying to ignore Minhyuk’s playful look when he spotted him looking, but something told him it wasn’t meant to, more of a way for Yoo Kihyun to disappear, hide- and how his head was bent down towards his desk. He didn’t talk to anyone throughout the lesson, and the other person on the front desk didn’t try, surprisingly - Hoseok knew Sungjae would talk to anyone, tried to make other students comfortable, but all he does is glance at the boy once at his introduction and then focus on his work. Pale fingers poke out of overly long sleeves, tapping at the desk in front of him, and Hoseok thinks he can see a slight shake to them, but can’t be sure. His teacher keeps looking over at the new student, and then away, and doesn’t mention that he sits for an hour and doesn’t even pick up a pen.  
Hoseok walks out of biology towards lunch, confused.

Minhyuk was up getting food for them when the others found Hoseok at their table in the corner of the cafeteria.  
“Have you guys heard?”  
Hoseok looked up to see Hyungwon brimming with excitement, having practically yelled his words out, as he threw his tray down and sits, leaning in closer to the middle of the table.  
“Heard what?” He asks, just as Jooheon and Changkyun take seats either side of him, Jooheon clamping a hand on his shoulder and Changkyun giving a small nod in greeting.  
“Yoo Kihyun” Hyungwon says, whispering the name as he looked for Hoseok’s reaction, but all he got was confusion.  
“He was in my biology class, what about him?” Three- four, because Minhyuk slides a tray across the table and sits down next to Hyungwon- pairs of eyes land on him.  
“Are you being serious?” Jooheon asks after a moment of silence, and Hoseok can only look around the table perplexed.  
“Hoseok, even I know what they’re talking about.” Changkyun says, helping himself to some of Minhyuk’s rice and receiving a shove in return, smiling cheekily.  
“I keep forgetting how new you are” Minhyuk laughs, and the rest nod in agreement, faces stuffed with food.  
“Yoo Kihyun was actually in the year above us- that is, last year he was in the year we are in now- but he’s actually the same age as me” Minhyuk says “just crazy smart.”  
“All of the teachers practically swooned whenever he was mentioned” Jooheon throws in, voice deep and almost bitter.  
Minhyuk shoves him and continues. “There’s practically no awards left for him to win when one day he just doesn’t show up. He was actually really well liked by students too, not your ordinary teacher’s pet, and so loads of people started to notice that he wasn’t showing up to school anymore and eventually the school had to phone his parents. No one really knows why he left but I’m not exaggerating when I say some of our old teachers contracted mild depression with their star no longer there. And most of the students.No one really knows why he left, though.”  
Hoseok’s lunch grows cold in front of him as he tries to soak in all of the new information. 

He’d only started at this school at the start of this year, meeting them all nearly 3 months ago when he moved into town , and hadn’t been around to know who Kihyun was. His description kind of catches him off guard though. He’s not like the small figure Hoseok saw in biology.  
“I heard he was found cheating on his exams and the headmaster got so annoyed he was expelled on the spot.” Changkyun says, but Hyungwon shakes his head.  
“I heard he was fooling around with one of the teachers.”  
Jooheon scoffs opposite them. “As if Yoo Kihyun the golden child would do something like that.” He says, and Hoseok can’t ignore the bitterness in his tone this time. Minhyuk shuffles in his seat too, uncomfortable.  
Jooheon won't meet anyone’s eye though, and eventually the boys gather their bags and set off in different directions.  
Yoo Kihyun isn’t in any of his other classes for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E


	2. Pink

Kihyun was, supposedly, in all of Hoseok and Minhyuk’s classes. Well, all except math. Apparently even a year away from school doesn’t stop Kihyun from being annoyingly intelligent, because when Hoseok asks why Kihyun isn’t mentioned in his maths class- all of his other teachers had introduced him again, but strangely none had even looked at the boy or said more than a few words- Minhyuk tells him Kihyun got a 94% in his maths A-level two years ago. Hoseok, who only just manages to use a protractor, almost chokes on his lunch.

Nothing special happens in his first 3 lessons. Kihyun sits at the front in every one of them, but doesn’t speak to anyone and doesn’t do anything the teachers ask them to, slouching in his seat with another huge black hoodie and his head down, so Hoseok still hasn’t any idea about what he looks like. His hands do shake, though, and Hoseok snaps out of his thoughts way too often to find himself watching the other boy.

It’s in his fourth lesson, two hours from freedom, that something happens. Physics, one of Hoseok’s better subjects, but taught by one of his least favourite teachers. He was always too strict, the kind of teacher that would give out detentions left right and centre for stupid little things- Jooheon says he got detention for two days just for wearing a hat in class, but Hoseok doesn’t quite believe that’s all he did.  
There’s probably some truth to it though, because two minutes in has the class silent as their stupid teacher insists on Kihyun lowering the hood of his hoodie. All of the other teachers have been ignoring him but for some reason Kihyun doesn’t get as lucky in this lesson. He doesn’t raise his head, though, until the adult has worked himself up so much he takes a step towards his seat, arm stretching as if to tug the hood down himself.  
“I’d prefer to keep it on, sir.” Kihyun says, and it’s the first time he’s spoken since he got back, and his voice is surprisingly clear, loud enough to be heard by everyone in the room. His voice is nice, smooth and kind of deeper than expected, but their teacher stops the lesson until he brings his hood down.  
After a long moment of tense silence Kihyun pushes himself off his stool and walks out of the classroom quickly, head down.   
More detentions are given out than normal.

Hoseok walks out of his last class, lost in thought.  
Kihyun hadn’t shown up to their lesson, but their teacher hadn’t said anything about it, and Hoseok had spent the hour thinking about what the real reason Kihyun left could have been, and about what someone with such a pretty voice looks like under that hood.  
He has only just shaken himself out of that thought when he sees someone walk towards him- eyes glued to his phone- too quickly for him to side step, and there’s a clatter as he collides with the other person. He’s taller than the other person, and bigger, so hardly moves at the crash, but the other person stumbles backwards so quickly their hood falls away, and it’s then that Hoseok recognises him.  
Yoo Kihyun stands startled for a second before looking up to meet his eye, not really glaring at him, almost defiant. Because Hoseok stares, he knows, but he can’t drag his eyes away.

Kihyun is definitely not the image of a model student Hoseok had gathered from his friend’s descriptions. Hoseok knows by now that he’s good looking, people tell him all the time, but he’s speechless when Kihyun looks up at him like that, daring him to say something. His face is fair, almost snow-white, and his face is small, reminding Hoseok strangely of a fairy. His eyes are cat-like, lifted up at the edges, and lined subtly with black. Kihyun’s lips are almost too perfect, pale pink and full, and his nose is sharp but kind of cute, contrasting his other striking features. His ears are littered with piercings, all black and silver, but the thing that shocks Hoseok the most is his hair. The hood issue certainly makes sense now, he thinks, because Kihyun’s hair, a bright bubblegum pink, is definitely not school policy. When Kihyun bends and picks up his phone, a dog tag drops out of his hoodie.

Even after Kihyun shoves his hood back up and walks away, it takes a while for Hoseok to get his pulse to slow back down to a normal pace.   


	3. A Wager Between Gentlemen

The weekend brings relief for Hoseok, marking two full days away from school- always good, but even better now, considering he can rest knowing he won’t bump into Yoo Kihyun for at least a of couple days. Away from school, he tries to forget about the ‘new’ boy in his class, following Minhyuk and Hyungwon around town in the sun, forgetting about the butterflies he feels in his stomach whenever he thinks about the boy with the bubblegum hair.

“Hoseok?” Someone says, and Hoseok snaps out of his thoughts to see both of his friends staring at him, waiting for an answer to a question he hadn’t heard.  
“What?” He says dumbly, and Hyungwon huffs, but Minhyuk giggles.  
“I knew you weren’t paying attention. Are you OK? You seem distracted.”  
Hoseok tries to sound as normal as he can as he replies “Yeah, I’m fine, not distracted.”  
“Then I’m sure you’ve been following the conversation?” Hyungwon drawls, rolling his eyes at Hoseok’s clear lie.  
Hoseok can only look guilty, but Hyungwon isn’t actually mad, and at Hoseok’s expression his lips tug upwards slowly into a smile. Minhyuk explains.  
“We were taking bets as to how long it’s going to take for Changkyun and Jooheon to stop being idiots and make a move.”  
Hoseok can’t help but laugh, at least begrudgingly.

Changkyun turned 16 in January. Jooheon and him had been tiptoeing around each other for a while now, but neither of them seemed to want to admit that they were maybe a little more than friends. They spend almost all of their time together, but when they were all together in a group, they would always pay more attention to other people, like sitting either side of Hoseok at lunch yesterday rather than sitting next to each other. Minhyuk, ever the optimist, had suggested one day that they were trying to hide the fact that they were already dating from them, but they all knew it was just their way of avoiding awkwardness, and their own feelings.  
“I see” Hoseok nods. “What’re the bets, then?”  
Hyungwon finds a spot in the park they’d been walking to that was in the sunshine and sits down, pulling them down with him. “I think it’s gonna happen when they’re 55. Or never.” Minhyuk slaps him softly, reprimanding.  
“Hey- don’t tease them! I’m gonna bet it happens before Chankyun’s 17th, though. Jooheon won’t last that long.”  
Hoseok can’t help but shake his head, disagreeing. “Like hell Jooheon’s going to make the first move, the poor soul is scared of his own shadow.”  
Hyungwon looks at him with wide eyes. “You think Changkyun’s going to make a move first?”  
To Hoseok, it’s obvious. “Yeah, think about it: Changkyun only just turned 16 but he’s a smart kid, he’s already worked out that he has feelings for Jooheon. He’s braver than Jooheon, and cares less about what other people think about him. It’s definitely gonna happen before his 17th.”

Minhyuk ‘Ooohs’ at their similar guess, a familiar spark of competition behind his eyes. “Shall we make a bet, gentlemen?” He says, adopting what he must think is a posh accent, sounding ridiculous and making Hoseok chuckle and Hyungwon cover his face despairingly.  
“Why am I friends with you.”  
“Wonnie don’t be like that” Minhyuk whines “have some fun.”  
“Fine, I’ll make my friends bankrupt.”  
“Only if you win” Minhyuk says quickly, and if Hoseok didn’t know him so well he’d think his tone was flirty, the slow grin tempting, but he knows that’s just Minhyuk. So does Hyungwon, because he rises to the challenge without batting an eye.  
“Which I will.” Hyungwon counts his points on his fingers. “Jooheon makes the first move. They ignore it for months like the dumbasses they are. They get together just before Changkyun’s eighteenth.” Wonho’s jaw drops so far he can only make weird dolphin noises. Minhyuk laughs, at both of them.  
“Eighteenth? Have a little faith.”  
“No way is it gonna be that long.”  
Hyungwon jerks his chin up at them, challenging. “Oh yeah? What are your guesses then, if you know better?”  
Minhyuk looks at Hoseok and thinks for a moment, quiet.  
“2 months from now-” Minhyuk speaks over the others’ protests - “Jooheon  
will make the first move and both of them will come giggling to us and spill the tea.”  
Hoseok can’t decide whether to feel utter shock, betrayal, or confusion. “I thought you just said it would only happen just before Changkyun turns 17.” Minhyuk just shrugs.  
“I changed my mind.” He hardly explains the sudden change, but the two of them- Hoseok especially- are used to his unpredictable character by now. “You’se saying Changkyun makes the move first?”  
“Yeah” Hoseok agrees “in January, but before Changkyun's birthday.” Somehow his and Minhyuk's guesses has swapped. It was September, so that gave them almost 4 months.

“What are we betting?” Hyungwon asks, as Minhyuk tears into a tub of pringles like he’s spent 40 days without food.  
“I vote money” Hyungwon says. He’d been whining about not having enough for new piercings recently, and Hoseok shakes off the image of silver and black and bubblegum.  
“No” Hoseok and Minhyuk say in unison.  
“You know none of us are rich enough for that, with all the bets Minhyuk drags us into” Hoseok ducks just as a starburst whizzes towards him from Minhyuk’s direction, laughing.  
“I think we should do something a little bit crazier.”  
Minhyuk always comes up with the crazy plans, and Hoseok feels a competitive urge at his words, but can practically smell the fear on Hyungwon.  
“Absolutely not.”  
“Wonnie~” the white haired boy whines “Why don’t you trust me?” His eyes are wide as he protests his innocence, but they both know better.  
Hyungwon deadpans “The last dare you gave me ended in us all stuffed in every elevator we could find as I pretended I had schizophrenia.”    
He tries to hold his laughter in as he says it, but by the end of the recollection they’re all holding their sides, tears rolling down their faces.  
“Come on, that was gold!”  
Hoseok hiccups through his sentence, only setting them off more- “Remember-hiccup- with that old lady- hiccup”  
Hyungwon’s forgotten he was supposed to be mad, his face bright red with all the laughing. “I think she thought I was possessed at one point.” Hoseok’s reply is riddled with laughter.  
“It wasn't her fault… you sounded like you were contacting dead people.”  
“You’re an awful person” Minhyuk says, and Hyungwon looks outraged but knows it was irony, hitting him on his leg as they tried to calm down.

“What were you thinking, then, Oh Evil One?” Hoseok asks afterwards, the three of them lying on the grass with their heads close together.  
“Oh, you know, something simple” Minhyuk replies casually, swinging a hand as if to disperse his words, nonchalant.  
“You won’t tell us until we agree, will you?” Hyungwon mutters.  
Minhyuk giggles like a madman, and both of them lean over him, resting on their elbows to stare down at him.  
He’s grinning, and reluctantly they agree (though they both know they love Minhyuk, how he can make anything fun, and are secretly looking forward to this game.)  
“Great.” Minhyuk can’t stop smiling, and Hoseok feels his pulse skip a little in anticipation.  
“The loser only has to do one thing. It’ll be over in a second.”  
And is Hoseok imagining it, or is Minhyuk looking at him more than Hyungwon?

But he definitely is, because Minhyuk’s next words conjure a very clear image in Hoseok’s head, of a boy with bubblegum pink hair that makes Hoseok blush, and he instantly regrets agreeing to this stupid bet.

“A kiss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the new chapter3!  
> I've added a chart of all of their ages onto the other chapters so I hope that'll help if you guys are confused with anything x


	4. Conflict

“I swear it’s getting more and more awkward every day.” Hyungwon sighs, meeting Minhyuk and Hoseok in the hallway after class as students streamed past them towards the cafeteria. He'd just came out of a law lesson, judging not from his timetable (Hoseok hadn't even managed to memorise his own one yet, stumbling stupidly into wrong classrooms every other day) but from the dead look in his eye that Hoseok has come to associate with the subject. Everyone in their group dimmed a little in comparison to Changkyun, but they were all pretty smart- Hyungwon always had the same tired expression after his law classes, ranting almost endlessly about the stupid questions they asked and the helpless teacher. It isn't helping that he's looking down at his phone so despairingly.

“What’d you mean?” Minhyuk asks, although it seems like he has an idea, as does Hoseok. It isn’t much of a surprise when their guess is confirmed as Hyungwon flashes his phone screen at them, messages popping up on his notifications.

 _ **Changkyunnie-** Hyung, are you finished class yet?   _            12:01     

                        _Hyungwon hyung, where are you? You’re coming to lunch right?_    12:05        

                        _Are you with Hoseok and Minhyuk hyung?_             12:07

Minhyuk sighs too now, shaking his head. “What’s gotten into them? Since when can’t Changkyun sit at a lunch table with Jooheon without pretending he’s on his phone and waiting until we get there?”

Hoseok doesn’t realise how childish he sounds until he’s saying “Why is he only texting you?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes at him.

“Changkyun had your timetables memorized before you guys did, he knows you just had class together in the room next to mine. If he text you you would have just shown Minhyuk.”

“You showed us” Hoseok counters, annoyed a little at Changkyun doubting his loyalty.

“I don't think he thought to much about it, he doesn't really have anything to tell me. He just doesn’t want to acknowledge the awkward silence we’ll be walking into.”

There is no awkward silence, when they meet Changkyun and Jooheon at their lunch table. Changkyun’s phone is on the table in front of him, but he’s chatting quietly to Jooheon opposite, whose nodding along happily, eyes attentive as they focus on the younger boy. He looks up in time to see them walk towards him and smiles, not quite keeping the relief of his face. This was becoming annoyingly frequent, their finding Changkyun speaking intently with Jooheon until he spots them, as if his initial fear of starting conversation hadn't gone away. Hoseok hadn't been in their group long enough to know differently, but Hyungwon tells him they weren't always like this. As they approach, Hoseok swears he sees Minhyuk cover a smile with his hand.

“Hey, hyungs” the youngest says, scooting over on the bench to make room for them, Minhyuk ruffling his hair as the other two sit beside Jooheon.

“How was class?”

“Boring” Hyungwon replies, mouth already full of rice, but Minhyuk starts talking about something else- a game or something, Hoseok tunes most of it out in favour of shovelling ramyeon into his mouth- and soon has them all laughing along with him.

Lunch is just like normal, his friends loud and hilarious as usual, until they finish their food and decide to go outside. Somethings happening in the hallway they’re walking down, raised voices and laughter floating down from a bend in the corridor, and Minhyuk reaches the end and immediately stops, Jooheon bumping into the back of him with an “oomph”.

“What’s happening?” Changkyun says, and Minhyuk looks pale when he turns to answer, but they all hear what’s happening before he can say anything.

“You disgusting pervert” someone yells, and it’s followed by a thud that makes them wince, a clatter as a back hits lockers. “I hope you realise how gross you are you fa-” the word’s blocked by laughs and thuds, but they’ve all guessed what’s going on, and the atmosphere freezes.

Minhyuk looks paler than normal when he grabs Hoseok’s sleeve. “Hyung, we should go find- Hoseok!”

Minhyuk doesn’t finish his sentence as Hoseok shoves past them, rounding the corner to see a group of boys next to the door, pressed up near the lockers. There’s four of them, and the one in the middle is looking at the boy on the ground below him, doubled over so Hoseok can’t see his face. They’re close enough that Hoseok hasn’t said anything until he’s grabbing the guy in the middle by his collar and shoving him into the lockers, the boy on the ground shuffling away before he's stepped on.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Hoseok asks, and it surprises him how loud his voice is, how angry. The boy in front of him sneers, lips twisting into a disgusted expression.

“What does it look like, I’m teaching that vermin a lesson.” He struggles, trying to throw Hoseok’s hand off him, but he only tightens his hold. “I caught that dirty fag looking at me in Gym” he spits, trying to get the boy clutching his head in his hands on the floor, and Hoseok sees red as he shoves him back into the lockers again.

“There’s no way he was looking at you, you asshole, you’re nothing special”  one of the boys behind him tries to drag his arm away from his friend, and Hoseok lets go finally, only to turn quickly and punch the other boy hard enough for blood to splash his knuckles. When he turns around the other boy hits him, but it barely registers with how angry he is, and he shoves him backwards with both hands, yelling.

“If I find you doing something like this again I won’t go so easy on you” his words are immediately followed by another voice, loud and adult, as a teacher approaches the group. “Lee Hoseok! What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

Hoseok sees Minhyuk walk up and place a hand on the boy on the floor’s side, but he doesn’t look up in time to see the familiar black hood walk away from the scene as he’s dragged away by the teachers that had shouted his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, y'all! Someone in the comments section last chapter asked for the dialogue to be spaced out more- if this isn't what you want please correct me in the comments again, I wasn't really sure what you meant hehe. It's only a short chapter this time, but wow the amount of times I've had to change 'Wonho' to 'Hoseok' is insane and I really couldn't bring myself to add more homophobia to this it was really hard to write what little I have here


	5. Locker rooms and Hallways

“I didn’t expect this of you, Hoseok” the teacher in front of him is saying. He’s one of their favourites- the RE teacher they'd just had that morning, in his twenties, having just joined the school recently.  
But Hoseok just feels angry, the rage from earlier still singing in his blood, and he looks away, annoyed. He’d been dragged into the teacher’s office quickly and hadn’t saw the other boys since, phone buzzing constantly in his pocket, no doubt his friends worrying about him and asking what was going on, but he didn’t answer it.

“Hoseok. You’re grades are good. We’ve never had trouble with you before. I’m sure there’s an explanation for your outburst but you need to tell me what happened.”

‘Outburst’. Hoseo rolls his eyes, and tries again to calm himself down. He’s exhausted by being this angry, but at the same time he just can’t stop, keeps hearing the boy’s words in his head, the thumps of people hitting lockers.

“I don’t understand why you just can’t tell me what they said”

But he can’t. He can’t tell them what was happening because it’s really none of their business- or his- and the boy might not have told anyone and his parents might be told and the whole school will probably know anyway, now that he’s caused a fuss.  
There’s a part of his anger dedicated to himself too- he can’t stop thinking about how he could have just helped the boy up and not caused a scene, because news like this travels fast. If he’d been a little more careful it might not have became gossip.

“Do I need to phone your parents Hoseok?”

He doubts they’d be surprised. He was always the one to correct people when something like this happened, was always the one to argue with them when they said something that wasn’t quite right. He loves them though, and he knows that they wouldn’t be angry at him for this, for helping someone, even if he’d broken some idiot’s nose.  
But he sighs anyway, looking away from the clock for the first time since he’d sat down, because he’ll need to tell them something eventually, and they’d probably know everything as soon as they speak to the idiots that should be here instead of him.

“They were being homophobic” he says, and he can hear the dullness in his voice, how bored of it all he is. “I didn’t like it.”

“And they were hitting the other boy?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, sir.”

The teacher in front of him nods, once, blank faced.  
“Thank you for telling me, Hoseok.” He says, and his voice goes softer, apologetic. “But you know I’m going to have to give you a detention slip for this, right?”

Hoseok had already assumed that’s what was happening, and he hates the fact that he needs to be here any longer than necessary, but he knows he could be expelled for this.  
So it could have been worse.

“What happened?” Minhyuk ask as soon as Hoseok sits down in their last period, together for the first time since the fight. 

“I got detention.” He pulls out the blue slip from his pocket and waves it in the air, and Minhyuk looks livid.

“That’s ridiculous! You weren’t the bad guy there!”

Hoseok smiles a little, at his friends loyalty. “I know. But I think I broke that guy’s nose, so they had to do something I suppose.”

His best friend’s eyes are huge in disbelief. “You’re way too nice, Hoseok.” He says. But then he tips his head, as if in recognition. “You did fuck up that kid’s nose pretty badly though, he was in the nurse’s room for ages trying to stop the bleeding.”

Hoseok expects some sick satisfaction at that, but he doesn’t feel any.

“How do you know that?”

“Huh?” Minhyuk frowns at him.

“That he was in the nurse’s room for ages.” 

“Oh” Minhyuk looks almost guilty as he answers “about that. Turns out you won’t be in detention alone. The other boy, there were 3 of them remember, kind of ran away when you grabbed his friend and Changkyun kind of just- whacked him in the face.”

Hoseok feels his mouth drop open at the thought of Changkyun hurting someone.

“I was as surprised as you, hyung. He just swung at him, hit him square on the jaw too, but he just clutched his cheek and scurried away. Changkyun cut his knuckles up though, the asshole was wearing a ring and it caught Changkyunnie’s fist as he tried to block the punch.”   
Hoseok must look worried, because Minhyuk hurries to add “He’s fine though, just got it disinfected.”

“Wow” Hoseok breathes. “Changkyun and me in detention.”

“I know!” Minhyuk exclaims, quickly lowering his voice as their teacher shouts his name. 

“Who would have thought it would be you two, huh?”

And then he starts laughing to himself, chuckling and smirking into his hand.

“What?” Hoseok asks, feeling himself smile already.

“Nothing. I was just wondering whether Jooheon likes bad boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's actually kind of impressive how bad I am at updating on time, sincerest apologies potatoes, I'll try and keep up with it better...


	6. Two Levels Of Hell

The first level of hell, as Changkyun trails after Hoseok silently, is the detention they're walking into. It could be worse, considering the teacher running it is the same man that Hoseok had talked to hours before, and not one of the stricter teachers that knew Minhyuk and took it out on Hoseok. He doesn't look up when they come in, shutting down the computer in front of him, and they make their way to the back row, sitting down together in the heavy silence.  
The second level of Hell Hoseok notices only when he is sat at the back of the classroom, somehow almost directly behind the tiny slouched figure in the front row. Though there's a hood pulled over the boy’s head, Hoseok knows the hair underneath is soft, bubblegum pink.

He's in detention with Yoo Kihyun.

“Good evening, delinquents.” Their prison guard says, swivelling his chair around to smile at all three boys in turn. Changkyun beams back, half laughing, but Hoseok just wants to get out of here, and Kihyun doesn’t even look up from the arm he’s doodling on.

“I’m just gonna be frank and tell you that I have no intention to watch over you as you guys do homework or whatever it is they want you to do- as far as I’m concerned, none of you should be here anyway.” Hoseok smiles a little at this, thankful to at least have one teacher that wasn’t just bitter and unreasonable- what was it, though, that Kihyun had done to be here? He didn’t seem like the kind of person to get into fights… but then, neither was Changkyun.

“Does that mean we can go home?” Changkyun asks, and Hoseok rolls his eyes at the hopeful innocence in his voice.

“Nice try, Changkyun. I sadly can’t let you go just yet. But I’m gonna go sort out my own work and as long as the three of you are here when I return in an hour, you can leave without me bothering you .”  
True to his word he stands and moments later the only people in the classroom are Hoseok, Changkyun, and Yoo Kihyun.

Changkyun immediately pulls out his phone. Hoseok picks his up too, and notices the messages that are firing through their group chat.

 

            The Fabulous Five  
                     
Candy-      Are you guys in detention yet???  
        Yous are going right?  
        Is there anyone else there???

FrogSpawn-      Minhyuk I swear to God  
        Will you stop texting I was sleeping

Candy-     HOW WERE YOU SLEEPING ALREADY  
        I literally watched you walk into your house 5 minutes ago

Honey-     5 minutes is all it takes bro  
        You shouldn’t doubt his talents like that

FrogSpawn-      wow my talents  
         Thanks  
        I feel so talented

Kyunnybun-  Someone will pay for this men, mark my words

Candy-     FINALLY

FrogSpawn-    This is the kind of quality content I signed up for fam yes  
        Where’s the body gonna go

Kyunnybun-     OK wow frogspawn cool it i wasn’t actually thinking homicide

Candy-    I was

FrogSpawn-    FOR THE LAST TIME , CHANGE MY NAME YOU HEATHENS

    { HoHoHo changed the groupname to Heathens }

Candy-    FOR THE LAST TIME, NO  
Wait  
MY LOVE  
        Are they treating you OK in detention

Kyunnybun-     I feel abandoned

HoHoHo-     Its detention min

Kyunnybun-    So alone

HoHoHo-    I would just like to leave

Kyunnybun-     So lost…

HoHoHo-    Changkyun you’re sat one seat away from me

Honey-    Yous guys are texting each other silently sitting next to each other?

FrogSpawn-    Can we get back to the path of sweet vengeance plz

Candy-     THANK YOU FROGGY couldn’t have said it better myself

FrogSpawn-    That’s because your a dipshit minhyuk

Kyunnybun-    Guys we can’t fight amongst ourselves we need unity to bring down the enemy

Honey-    Nice, bro

FrogSpawn-    Screw your unity Im readin yuore texts when I wake up again

HoHoHo-    Awww cute he typo-d because hes tired

Candy-     Hoseok  
        Don’t be nice to the traitor

HoHoHo-    Dont tell me how to live my life

Honey-    I gotta go guyz its family dinner time  
        If anyone would like to fake an emergency now is the time

Candy-     ENJOY

Honey-    Sve me

Kyunnybun-    Thaz ok I’ll go talk to Hoseok

Candy-    !!!!!  
        You’re all leaving me for actual human conversation wtf  
        GUYS

HoHoHo-    Not all of us  
        Hyungwon left you for sleep

Candy-    *stoic crying emoji*  
        No no  
        Don tmind me

Kyunnybun-         OK bye

 

There’s a clang as Changkyun puts his phone on the desk in front of him, and then he’s scraping his chair over towards Hoseok so they face each other across Hoseok’s desk.

“Are you rethinking your oath for revenge?” Hoseok asks, and Changkyun looks affronted.

“Hell no. I just thought I’d keep my cards close to my chest. So they don’t see it coming” he looks around him like a villain in a cartoon, eyebrows going up and down comically, making Hoseok giggle.

“Fine. Just don’t get in too much trouble.”

Changkyun looks at him and smiles, chuckling. “I would tell you I wouldn’t dream of it, but…” he swipes his hand across the air “our current setting would seem to suggest otherwise.”

It’s only twenty minutes in before things go downhill.  
Changkyun’s been complaining about needing the toilet for a solid fifteen minutes by then, and Hoseok seriously doesn’t think he can take anymore of the whining and leg bouncing.

“For God’s sake Changkyun they locked the doors already stop complaining. You’re just gonna have to wait until this is over.”  
Changkyun, who’s spread himself out face first across the desk in front of them, moans into the wood.

“This is tortuuuure” he groans, stretching his hands out in front of him like a cat. “Seriously this should be a torture method. Give banana milkshake- confine for hours right next door to locked bathroom stalls. It would work so much better than waterboarding- WHY did i mention waterboarding oh my god I’m such an idiot.”  
As annoyed as he is, Hoseok can’t help but laugh, and Changkyun picks his head off the desk just to pout at him.

“Hyung, don’t start laughing at me”

“Sorry. You want to hear a joke instead?”

“NO- I know what you’re doing, Hyung. DO NOT make me laugh.”

There’s a light sigh across the room and they both still a little, Changkyun looking up at Hoseok in surprise as Hoseok’s eyes follow a figure across the room.

It’s the first time Kihyun’s moved or made a sound, half an hour into their detention, and Changkyun looks over his shoulders to watch as he sifts through paperwork in the teacher’s desk drawers. After a second of looking he slides a paper clip off of a stack of paper and leaves the room without saying a word.

“No way-” Changkyun breaths, but it’s barely out of his mouth before there’s the sound of a door being swung open and a clear voice floats back to the room.

“It’s unlocked.”

Changkyun’s too shocked to do much more than stare blankly at Hoseok as he gets up, who just stares blankly back.  
Kihyun comes and sits at the same desk without looking at either of them.

“Thanks. Sorry if I disrupted you.” Changkyun stops in the doorway to speak, looking at Kihyun, who nods once in reply.

With one last perplexed look Changkyun leaves the room, and nothing else happens until they’re walking home side by side.


	7. Changkyun's instinct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I should warn people about the panic attack that happens in this one- I get them a lot myself and the description should be pretty real, so if you're sensitive to that kind of thing I'd stop reading when Minhyuk ends the conversation at lunch and pick up the story next chapter x
> 
> E

“I swear that guy gives me the creeps” is the first thing out of Changkyun’s mouth when they walk out of school together, side by side on an abandoned pavement in a silent part of town. 

The streetlamps flicker on just as they pass the school gate, and the street is cold as the evening darkens, yellow under the light. Hoseok smiles, memories of nights under the stars and around bonfires, cuddled in blankets inside with his friends on all sides of him, brought to mind by Changkyun’s slow footfall beside him and the warm glow. It’s crazy, thinking that it’s only September 23rd. 3 months and they were all so important to Hoseok.

“Who? Kihyun?”

“Obviously. He was the only other sucker in prison with us.”

The older boy rolls his eyes fondly at the dramatics, Changkyun’s deep voice laced with sarcasm.

“What do you think he was in detention for, anyway?” Hoseok doesn’t really know much about the gossip constantly circling around, part due to his recent enrolment, partly a conscious decision to not believe everything he hears. 

“No idea” Changkyun replies, but the younger boy doesn’t really care that much for gossip. Hoseok already knows Minhyuk’s a better bet. “The old Kihyun would never do anything rebellious enough to land him in detention.”  
Old Kihyun. Like the Kihyun that just came back is a different person altogether.

“He’s just so... quiet.”

“You’re quiet.”  
Changkyun sighs, sending a little cloud of air into the cold sky.

“I think it’s a different kind of quiet. I don’t know… He’s just so freakishly smart, and being quiet on top of that…” he trails off, leaving his sentence unfinished in a very Changkyun way, and Hoseok looks over at him, confused.

“You’re freakishly smart too.” He says, and he can see, even in the low light, the tiny embarrassed smile that plays itself on his friend’s lips.

“It’s different though.” He says again, exasperated with himself for thoughts he can’t explain, and there’s silence for a minute, so that Hoseok can practically hear the wheels in his head spinning.

“It’s just” Changkyun sucks in a breath in a way so familiar to Hoseok now, a hiss of unsurety followed by a quiet sigh “don’t you think he seems so...bitter?”  
It hadn’t been what Hoseok was expecting to hear, and Changkyun’s looking at him so intently, like it’s obvious.

“Bitter about what?”

Changkyun breaks eye contact, profile silhouetted by the lamplight. “The world.” He says, and Hoseok hears sadness in his voice, and he knows the conversation is over for now. 

 

The next few days have Hoseok paying extra attention to Kihyun in their shared classes- honestly, there really isn’t any difference, because Kihyun sits in front of him in every lesson and Hoseok just always seems to space out staring at the back of the boy’s jacket and snap out of it to wonder how long he’d been staring. He has to say that Chankgyun’s words have created a shift in his perception- where he saw Kihyun’s slumped posture as defiance before, it seems tired now. He’s started to notice how Kihyun’s hand shakes around his pencil after he’s been singled out by teachers- always giving the perfect answer regardless- how he seems more relaxed just after lunch, after a break. His absences from class are starting to alarm him more and more.  
It’s at lunch on thursday when Hoseok walks passed Kihyun in the hall that he first smells the smoke.

“I didn’t know Yoo Kihyun smokes” Hoseok says at their lunch table, when there’s a gap in the conversation so he can sound causal, uninterested. Minhyuk smiles around his food, sharp, and Hoseok makes sure to ignore him.

“He’s out behind school every chance he gets” Jooheon says.

Changkyun nods, not seeming to pick up on the edge in the other boy’s voice. “Yeah, you must be the only one in the entire school that doesn’t know about it.”

“He never used to” Minhyuk adds, leaning closer to Hoseok as he explains. “That’s why it was such huge news, when someone first caught him sneak out of lesson with a pack of cigarettes.”

Hoseok can feel sadness set in. He gets like this sometimes, low, when people talk so nonchalantly about other people’s vices. He can’t stand the idea of Kihyun smoking.

“And here everyone thinks he’s so smart” someone mutters, and Minhyuk looks a little shocked at Jooheon.

“Why do you get like this every time Kihyun’s mentioned?” It’s the first thing Hyungwon says in the conversation- quiet as he sips coffee and tries to keep his eyes open, tired as usual- and it’s not aggressive, just curious. Jooheon seems defensive when he answers, though.

“I just don’t like the guy.” He says, hands out in front of him in a shrug, and it gets quieter at their table.

“Is there any reas-” Hoseok starts to say, but Minhyuk straightens in his chair and speaks over him.

“I think we should talk about something else” he says, bright. “You guys are ruining my good mood.”  
As the resident optimist in their friendship group, the annoyance disguised behind his firm tone is enough to close the conversation.

 

Hoseok has Physics with Minhyuk after lunch, and they’re walking together down the corridor that leads to the science labs when Hoseok feels a familiar feeling.   
When he looks up at the corridor, lifting his head feels strange, everything in front of him far clearer than they would normally be. At the same time, it feels like he’s in a dream, floating above his body rather than controlling it, and his stomach drops as he notices. 

Minhyuk stops quickly when he feels his friend’s hand on his arm, tight, and takes one look at Hoseok’s eyes before seeing what’s wrong. If he hadn’t been trying not to panic so much, Hoseok might have cried at how understood he feels. He’d known Minhyuk for 3 months and he’s never been known better.

“Wanna go outside?” Minhyuk asks, now stood with his arm lifted a little where Hoseok still holds it, his voice a practiced calm, but not gentle. Minhyuk doesn’t patronise him, doesn’t treat him like he’s fragile.

Hoseok nods, and Minhyuk immediately backtracks, leading them outside quickly against the current of other students. 

“Do you need something?” Minhyuk’s asking, and Hoseok hears the question too slow to understand, the words all muffled like they’re underwater. He can only wait, look at Minhyuk blankly, before Minhyuk repeats himself, but when he does he shakes his head. He’s started to shake, his chest rising and falling quicker, and Minhyuk just puts a hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles into his skin.

“It’s just a panic attack” he says, but the way he whispers it is so different from the other ways Hoseok has heard that phrase. Minhyuk doesn’t think this is a Hoseok thing, like it’s overreacting, that other people would just be able to get over this. He knows that this is serious, and his words of comfort are laced with sympathy.   
Hoseok’s crying by now, hyperventilating more violently, and he can’t think straight enough to tell whether they’re the normal anxious tears or happy tears.

“You’re fine, Hoseok.” 

It takes a while for Hoseok to regain his breathing, and even longer to get out of the panic attack, still zoned out and shaky and unresponsive. When he can talk, finally, his voice comes out a quiet mumble, but Minhyuk’s been waiting for it, so he catches every word.

“I think I’m OK now.” 

Minhyuk gives him a small smile from where he’s sat on the granite.

“You should go back to class, I’m going to stay out here for a while.”

“I can’t leave you by yourself, Hoseok.” Minhyuk replies.

Hoseok shakes his head, regretting it when he feels the fuzzy feeling the panic attack gave him fizz back a little. “I’m fine now, Minhyuk, I just don’t want to go back to class right now. It’s a revision lesson, you should be in there.”  
Minhyuk still looks reluctant, but Hoseok’s instant.

“I want a minute to myself Minhyuk, please, I’ll be fine.”

His friend gives a small sigh from where he’s sat, smiles and stands, brushing asphalt and dirt off the back of his jeans.

“OK” he says, pulling Hoseok into a hug. “But if you start to feel bad again text me and I’ll come right back.”

“I know.”


	8. Inhale, Exhale

Hoseok does feel a little better by the time Minhyuk leaves, but it always takes a while for the full effects of the panic attack to wear off.

He’d had panic attacks since he was 14, and he’s gotten used to them by now. Well, as used to them as you can get. It’s still infuriating trying to explain them to other people- not friends, and not his family, but school nurses, teachers, doctors. They all seem to think Hoseok’s damaged: school staff always think he’s having a hard time, being bullied at school or bullied at home or both, no matter how many times Hoseok tells them that’s not it. The few teachers he’s had attacks in front of always say the same garbage- I know exactly what it’s like, they’ll say, I used to get so stressed out over my tests at Uni that I’d throw up. 

Stressed out. Like that’s all it was.

His doctor too, when Hoseok had tried to describe it, always asks what set the panic off, what caused it. There’s only so many times Hoseok can tell them he doesn’t know, that there isn’t always a reason, that they sometimes just... happen.  
He’d been given medicine, but it never seemed to work, and he hated the idea of relying on pills forever, so he’d stopped taking them. He himself isn’t sure why-it’s not as if treatment ashamed him, it was never that. But still the pill box sat dusty on the back of a medicine cabinet shelf.

A glance at his phone tells Hoseok it’s been forty minutes since the start of their lesson, which gives him a little under an hour.  
He’s sitting with his back resting on a brick wall of the science block’s outside, caged in left and right by walls either side of him, connecting two parts of the college building. In front of him is gravel, grass of the school field green in the distance, and as he watches a shadow creeps closer to him, a figure walking down the path on his left towards the hole he’s sat in.

Hoseok startles when he sees the black boots stop in front of him, looks up at Yoo Kihyun with a cigarette box in his hand.

Kihyun stops, shocked too. He must think Hoseok’s upset, a common misconception after a panic attack, because his mouth twists up a little in a teasing kind of smile. It’s small though, and Hoseok thinks about what Changkyun had said last night.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” Kihyun asks, soft voice lilting a little in humour.

“We’re in the same class” Hoseok replies, accepting the conversation. “I could say the same.”

Kihyun surprises him by stuffing the box of cigarettes back in the pocket of his jacket, looking down at him. “Mind if I sit with you?”

Hoseok moves over, making room, and Kihyun crouches and then sits lightly, drawing his knees in to his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around them. It’s cold in the shade, but there’s a warm breeze too, early October weather still holding a little warmth.

“I usually sit here when I don’t want to be in class too” Kihyun says, looking out across the field in front of them as he speaks.

Hoseok nods, unsure of what to say, and Kihyun picks up on the awkwardness.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bother you- it’s just...I kind of heard what happened a minute ago and…” he trails off, and Hoseok is unsure how to feel now. Kihyun must be talking about his panic attack, and normally Hoseok would feel annoyed at that, that a stranger witnessed him in that state, when they never know how it feels.

“I know what it’s like, I get them sometimes too.” Kihyun says quietly, almost as if he could read Hoseok’s mind, and Hoseok looks at him, surprised.  
He’s still looking in front of him, so Hoseok sees his profile, and looks away quickly again. He notices for the first time that Kihyun has his hood down, pink curls swaying a little in the wind.

“I hope I didn’t overstep a boundary.” The other boy says, and the way he talks isn’t what Hoseok thought it would be. There’s an echo of the Kihyun Hoseok heard about so often, the charismatic boy he never met, so popular. 

Hoseok understands what all the fuss was about when he came back.  
The boy next to him is so small in comparison. Broken and not caring that he's broken.

“You didn’t” Hoseok says, finding his voice as he realises how quiet he’s been. “It’s actually kind of nice, to hear that. Most people don’t really understand.”  
Kihyun nods, and there’s silence between them for a moment. 

“Why’re you out here?” Hoseok asks, and if it sounds like an accusation Kihyun takes it in stride.

“Didn’t really feel like it today” is his reply, and when Hoseok looks over to him Kihyun’s expression is hard to read.

“It?” Hoseok questions.

“Just...all of it. The teachers, the lessons.” Kihyun’s face has fallen a little, sharp lines sharper in their melancholy, and Hoseok looks away as he suddenly turns to meet his eye, surprised. “I don’t remember you, from before.”

Hoseok is surprised about the sudden topic change, having thought Kihyun wouldn’t want to be reminded of his past here. No one knows why he left yet, but Hoseok can’t help the strange unease in his gut that tells him it’s something he shouldn’t ask.  
“I moved this year” he explains, nodding, careful when picking his words. “I met Minhyuk and the others when I moved into his street, and then I started here at the start of the school year.”

“Why did you move?” It’s Kihyun’s voice saying these words, and Hoseok stutters as he realises these are the words he is too afraid to ask Kihyun.

“I-um. I got into a fight.” Hoseok doesn’t really talk about this much, and he doesn’t understand how the words roll so easily off his tongue at Kihyun’s question, charmed like a moth to a flame, a snake by a piper.

“Did the other person deserve it?” Is Kihyun’s first question, and there’s no judgement in his voice, just curiosity. It’s an odd reaction, and one Hoseok feels ashamed for not really ever giving much thought. He’s confident in his answer when he gives it, though.

“No.”

Hoseok can’t tell if Kihyun is surprised by his answer. The other boy looks at him closely, sharp eyes searching for something in his own, nodding as he looks away. Hoseok likes the atmosphere around them, wind rustling softly past as the sun lights the colours around them, time slipping by in slow motion.  
There’s a voice in the back of his head, anxious, telling him to be careful of what he tells Kihyun, a stranger so known for his popularity surely knowing how to make people talk.  
But it’s small, distant, so quiet he can hardly hear it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kihyun asks, and Hoseok is surprised to find that he does. He’d only ever told Minhyuk, late night texts in summer darkness, midnight bravado.  
It feels different here, in daylight with a stranger.

“He was in the same year as me.” Hoseok says, not really sure how to begin. “One of the boys I was friendly with, but wouldn’t count as a friend, if you know what I mean.” Kihyun doesn’t nod or shake his head, so Hoseok just continues. “I thought he was a decent guy, he hadn’t done anything wrong before.” Hoseok feels all the emotions come flooding back to him, the confusion and the betrayal and the hurt.  
The anger doesn’t come, though it was there to begin with. Hoseok wonders when it burned itself up.

“And then one day a girl in my class comes into school, hair cut short and dark, baggy jeans and sneakers like normal. Not Jess anymore, Noah. He gets all of his teachers to switch pronouns and use his new name, and everyone avoids him like the plague. Like he’s some new, alien species they don’t trust anymore.” Kihyun’s looking out onto the field again, when Hoseok steals a glance at him, and his expression seems too tight to be neutral. Hidden anger boiling just below the surface.

Hoseok sighs before he can bring himself to say the rest, tired. He's started this, for some reason, so he may as well finish it.

“This guy doesn’t say much at first. But when Noah doesn’t change the next day something kind of snaps in him, and everything starts tumbling out of control. He starts small, little notes in the boy’s locker or backpack when he isn’t looking, but then it gets worse. He cuts binders after PE and throws clothes over fences so he couldn't change, vandalises toilets and desks with these horrible words… And then Noah starts dating another boy. And he finds them in the hallway together.” 

Hoseok doesn’t think he can take it. He can’t stand remembering how awful it had been. Texting it to Minhyuk had been bad, but this takes so much more from him. The words seem like they never want to leave, just stay in his throat where they choke him, weigh him down. Everything's so much easier to say at midnight.

“What happened?” Kihyun asks, like he doesn’t want to know.

“He punches one of them. I can’t even remember which one, but as soon as they hit the lockers behind them he swings at the other one. And no one wanted to do anything about it.”

“Did you do something about it, Hoseok?” It’s the first time Kihyun says his name, and Hoseok doesn’t even know how he knows it, but he’s too caught up in the details to think about the strange feeling it causes in his stomach.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did something about it.” He can’t find the words anymore, can’t assemble them coherently enough to explain what he did, but Kihyun seems to understand it.

“It sounds like he deserved it.” Surprised at the bitter note in his voice, Hoseok looks at Kihyun to see the tight smile on his face, the challenging look in his eyes when they meet his.

“I put him in the hospital Kihyun.”

“So?” It isn’t cold, the question, far from it. Boiling over with all of his anger at a stranger in an unknown town, at the pain of someone he doesn’t, has never and will never know. And Hoseok realizes how right Changkyun had been about Kihyun, but he realises something’s driving Kihyun to rage. Something that seems like his past.

“I don’t know” Hoseok says, because he feels so lost in all of the things he doesn’t know. 

“Maybe he did deserve it. But I didn’t- I didn’t deserve to be the one to break him like that.”

Kihyun doesn’t argue with that.

There’s a spark behind his eyes now, as realisation hits him. “Detention.” He says, and Hoseok frowns in confusion. “He told me you were in detention for getting into a fight.”

He must mean one of the teachers. Hoseok nods. He’d almost forgotten. 

“Yeah. Some homophobic idiot in the hallway.” He knows, somehow, that Kihyun has figured this out, but he adds it anyway. “It just reminded me, of Noah.”

The silence that follows is punctuated sharply with the tell-tale signs of a lesson’s ending, swinging doors creaking drowned out by hustling students yelling to their friends and laughing, complaining about how boring that lesson was and how boring the next will be. Kihyun seems to be drawn to it, snapping up a little at the noise as if shocked, and there’s a coldness to his eyes when he looks at Hoseok now.

“I’ll see you around.” He says as he stands, one look over his shoulder before he disappears around the corner, leaving Hoseok sitting by himself as Minhyuk approaches, rounding the corner with a confused look that tells Hoseok he must have bumped into Kihyun.

“Why were you sitting with Yoo Kihyun?” Minhyuk asks him as he stands, and Hoseok gives the only answer he can think of. It's the truth, really.

“I have no idea.”


	9. Two Faced

It’s Minhyuk’s silence that puts Hoseok on edge most. Usually, his best friend would be piling on question after question about every single thing that happens to Hoseok, especially talking to Kihyun when the boy had returned to school so broken, but for the next couple of days, as the weekend comes and passes quickly, there’s complete silence on the topic. Not even a knowing look, signalling for Hoseok to bring it up at lunch himself, and Hoseok doesn’t know if this is a relief or if it only causes him more apprehension. Surely, Minhyuk won’t be able to hold his curiosity in forever, and there’s a little part of Hoseok that dreads the day where he brings it up.

But a larger part of Hoseok is glad, for an unknown reason, to not have to talk about Kihyun to Minhyuk just yet. Maybe it’s guilt, for how quickly he shared his past with a boy he doesn’t know, when it took him a while to trust Minhyuk with it. Or maybe it’s the fact that their conversation seemed so intimate, for their ears only.

“So have you did that test yet?” Hyungwon’s asking Changkyun as they sit down to lunch.

Changkyun groans and puts his head in his hands. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t bring it up.”

“What tests is this?” Minhyuk asks, looking bewildered at Changkyun’s reaction.  
“Philosophy” Jooheon tells him, and Hoseok knows Minhyuk well enough to know he’d pick up on that- Jooheon obviously being subjected to pre-test stressing, or post-stress complaining, from Changkyun enough to know what test they’re talking about.

Hoseok catches Changkyun’s eye. “I’m sure you did well, Kyun, you always do.” the younger boy just shakes his head with a rueful smile.

“Not this time.”

Hyungwon picks at his food without eating. “Even tutoring from Yoo Kihyun himself wouldn’t have saved my skin” he mutters, bitter, but he smiles a little as Minhyuk laughs at him.

“Kihyun takes philosophy?” Hoseok asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too interested.

“What doesn’t he take” Jooheon answers.

“I think he takes philosophy, but he’s not in our class” Hyungwon carries on, Jooheon’s comment being brushed over silently. “And he’s in your classes too, right?”

“Yeah” Minhyuk nods. “Biology, chemistry and physics. And philosophy. Wow.”

Changkyun lets out an appreciative noise in agreement. “Must be as smart as people say.”  
Minhyuk coos, Changkyun groaning and shoving at him as he pinches the younger’s cheeks.

“We have our own little genius, anyway.”  
Changkyun’s smiling again now, and Hyungwon and Hoseok exchange a fond look. Minhyuk always knows just what to say.

 

Something unexpected happens that afternoon, the chemistry period after lunch calling for lab partners for the first time this year. Hoseok has only just stopped laughing about how excited Minhyuk gets at the chance to do experiments when the teacher announces the lab partners have already been set for everyone.

Hoseok at first doesn’t see the problem, when it’s explained that partners are assigned based on skill level. He isn’t one of the worst students, not quite the best of them, and Minhyuk is on the same level, somewhere between average and good. It comes as a shock, then, when his partner is not Minhyuk, but Kihyun.

Hoseok blushes scarlet.

Probably because Kihyun is known to be smarter than everyone else in the college and probably their teacher too, and Hoseok must therefore be the worst. The student that needs the most help.

 

“Don’t worry” their teacher says as Hoseok passes him, because the embarrassment must be showing on his face. “It’s only because you’re new here, so I don’t have any test scores. Same with Kihyun.”

The boy in question, who hadn’t reacted to his lab partner being called, sitting silently at the front as always (though this time his hood was down, black hoodie no longer covering his hair), but here he turns his head to look at their teacher. Hoseok catches sight of a sharp profile and thinks the look shot was disbelief, doubt, even challenging. There’s no way their teacher doesn’t know who Kihyun is, he isn’t new to the college, but he seems to be avoiding bringing up Kihyun’s past accomplishments.

He shuffles off quickly without meeting the look, and Kihyun’s eyes flit over to Hoseok, standing awkwardly behind his chair. They stay on him long enough to show recognition, but then Kihyun stands, returning quietly with safety glasses and test tubes. And they don’t talk. Hoseok ignores the pull he feels to the other boy.

Bu-why is he ignoring Hoseok? Was it a bad idea to tell him so much? Suddenly Hoseok can only think about how easy it was to tell Kihyun everything, the tone in Jooheon’s voice when every the other boy is mentioned, all the rumours around his disappearance last year. And he realises that however close he felt with him yesterday, he knows absolutely nothing about Yoo Kihyun.

After classes are over, he walks home by himself, mulling everything over. His sudden weariness has not lessened, but with it only comes more confusion at the one conversation he’s had with Kihyun.

Why did he seem so invested then, and so uninterested and cold today?

It’s hard to imagine it’s only been 3 days. How Kihyun has changed so much in such a short time.

A sharp tone cuts through his thoughts. His ringtone. A text from Changkyun.

 

**{Heathens}**

_Kyunnybun- Uuuuuum guys?_

_HoHoHo- Is something wrong ???_

_Kyunnybun- No everythings fine_   
_But dyou know whats going on_

The image that pops up on his messages is unexpected, and it takes Hoseok a moment to register that the photo of lockers, blue college lockers, like the ones he’d shoved someone against last week.

It takes him only a second to realise that they’re actually the exact same lockers, and the notes taped against them make sense now. On the white sheets of paper duct taped to each locker- 3 in total- are names, subjects, and grades. None of the grades are good, all marked harshly in red pen, and when the papers are read together, the words sprawled even larger across the bottom make Hoseok gasp.  
‘Your parents must be proud of you’.

The handwriting is bubbly and unfamiliar, but Hoseok has a feeling he knows exactly who did this. It’s only confirmed with Changkyun’s next texts.

_Kyunnybun- Can someone pls tell me why Yoo Kihyun decided to spill more tea than the Boston Tea Party_

_Candy- ….What_

_Frogspawn- Its a history joke_

Candy- Ew

_HoHoHo- How do you know it was Kihyun??_

_Changkyun- Don’t you mean to ask why i think it was Kihyun?_   
_Come on Hoseok_   
_You know he did it_

_HoHoHo- Ye Ok I thought it was him too_   
_But it could have been anyone really_

_Frogspawn- Yeah_   
_Or it could be the guy that has fucking lost it_

_Candy- Wonnie has a point_   
_Kihyun seems like he’d do this kind of thing_   
_now_

_HoHoHo- Lost it?_

_Frogspawn- I just ment Khiyun hasnt really seemed one for rules since he cameb ack_

 

Hoseok knows what they mean, he does- the first thing that had came to mind when he saw the photo was Kihyun’s name. But he doesn’t know why they’re so quick to come to the same conclusion- they hadn’t been there when Hoseok told Kihyun all about the fight, saw his thinly veiled disgust at the story.

So why did they suspect Kihyun so quickly? The only proof they need is Kihyun’s attitude, how he’s changed. All of the skipped classes and the cigarettes and the detentions- there must have been more of those, because Hoseok is sure he’s heard teachers muttering about what’s gotten into him, and he can never find Kihyun in the crowd rushing home.  
Kihyun’s reputation has been damaged even quicker than Hoseok imagined it could have.

Hoseok can’t help but smile when he thinks about the picture again, though. Because all he can see is the paint on the lockers behind the paper, slashes of red and yellow and blue left by a hasty paintbrush. Like a rainbow.

“Hoseok!”

Knowing who the bright voice belongs to, Hoseok smiles as he turns, seeing Minhyuk waving at him.

“No math lesson?” Hoseok asks, but the beam on Minhyuk’s face is already enough evidence that his maths lesson has been cancelled.

“Teacher called in sick!” As he gets closer, Hoseok finally looks at the other figure behind him, the bubblegum hair in stark contrast with the grey of the school building behind him.

What was Kihyun doing trailing Minhyuk out of college?

“Hey” Hoseok manages to say, and Kihyun looks up at him, but that’s the only reaction he gets. As he ignores the skip in his pulse, Hoseok feels annoyance prick him. It’s almost gone when he remembers the lockers though.

“Kihyun was being bribed into tutoring people that failed maths when we were all told we could go home.” Minhyuk explains, and there’s something in the way he looks at Kihyun that makes Hoseok think something he hadn’t considered before.

“Do-do you two know each other?” Kihyun nods, drawing himself up from his permanent slouch, as if defiant, but Minhyuk looks sheepish.

“Yeah, I suppose. We knew each other...before Kihyun left.” He finishes with a smile that tries and fails to relieve the awkwardness in his voice, posture, as he rubs at the back of his neck with his palm.

Kihyun’s squinting a little in the brightness, piercings littering his ears catching the light, and Hoseok drags his eyes away quickly before they notice him acting weird. But he can’t stop himself from saying it.

“So, you hear about the lockers?” He keeps his tone casual, just another person gossiping about college, but Minhyuk knows why he’s doing this.

Kihyun must know too, but when Hoseok looks at him evenly he’s surprised to see no reaction. Like he’s ignoring them both as they start away from college.

“Whoever did it had atrocious handwriting” Minhyuk says, and Hoseok tries not to smile as he realises Minhyuk’s doing the exact thing they do when they try to get Jooheon to own up to something.

So he laughs. “Couldn’t draw for shit either.”

Minhyuk places his chin on his hand, overly contemplative. “I mean- a rainbow? Not very creative.” Kihyun’s lips tip up into a tiny smile, but he still doesn’t look at them.

“Practically couldn’t even tell it was a rainbow-”

“Alright, alright!” Kihyun shoves Minhyuk lightly, and Hoseok is suddenly regretting his decision to bring it up, because when he looks over at them it hurts.

They look like they probably did a few years ago, with Kihyun still whole and Minhyuk without Hoseok, laughing and shoving each other, but it’s the laughter in Kihyun’s eyes that hits the hardest. For the first time, the first time since he’d first saw him, Kihyun looks happy.  
His teeth are white and perfect as he grins, eyes pulled up into crescents, glinting, and Hoseok’s chest becomes tighter with the breath that catches in his throat, that he can’t get back.

“So I painted a few lockers, someone stop me!” Kihyun says, sarcasm colouring his clear voice, and he holds his wrists up in front of him for an imaginary officer’s cuffs. As Minhyuk rolls his eyes and smirks, Hoseok realises this is the first glimpse of old Kihyun in action he’s had, if the odd conversation they had last week doesn’t count. He must have joked like this, before.

It’s gone as quickly as it comes, but as the smile leaves him Kihyun is still not as dark as he has been.

“How did you know it was me?” He’s looking at Hoseok this time, blush high and faint in his cheeks, probably from the laughter.

“You’re the only one I told about the fight” He shrugs. Kihyun nods, but Hoseok can only wonder how his friends were so quick to pin it on Kihyun, when they didn’t know that he’d told him about the fight in the first place.

“I’ll try to be more careful, then, next time I play vigilante.” Kihyun’s snarky comment is confusing- Hoseok can’t tell if it is meant to be mean, or if had only sounded harsh by accident. It’s confusing him constantly, the two parts of Kihyun he’s seen. The old kind, with honey coloured words and laughter, and the new kind, reclusive and cold and uninterested.  
But Kihyun’s walking away from them anyway, and a wave over his shoulder is all he gives them.

Hoseok waits a while until he can’t stand it anymore.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew Kihyun?” It doesn’t sound like he wanted it too- too eager, curious, nowhere near the accusation it was meant to have been.

Minhyuk looks guilty all the same, wincing and looking at him with pleading eyes.

“I’m sorry Hoseok, I know I should have mentioned it…”

“So why didn’t you?” Minhyuk sighs, looking away.

“I don’t know I just… I don’t know what happened to him, Hoseok. And I never thought I’d see him again, I was so scared something had happened to him I-” Minhyuk looks tired when his voice breaks, Hoseok noticing the tears at the corners of his eyes too late.

“Minhyuk!”

“I’m fine Seok. I didn’t tell you because I thought he didn’t want anything to do with me, but I saw him in math class and I couldn’t just ignore him. At the least I think I wanted a goodbye but, he didn’t push me away too hard.”

Hoseok feels guilty now, as Minhyuk blinks back his tears.

“But we didn’t know each other all that well” Minhyuk adds, sniffling and smiling. “Met at a few parties. I just had a bad feeling, when he didn’t come back.”

For now, his answer stops Hoseok from asking all of the other questions jumping around in his brain.


	10. October 6th

Minhyuk is purposefully ignoring how red Changkyun has gone as he brings out the cupcake.“Happy birthday!”

“Minhyuk if you start singing, I’m going to shoot you.”

Today was friday the 6th October, Im Changkyun’s birthday.

Minhyuk rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling teasingly. 

“Fine, no singing. Just blow out the candle you little shit.” 

Changkyun laughs and picks up the cupcake, a chunky double-chocolate monstrosity Hoseok had picked, knowing anything smothered in chocolate was Changkyun’s heaven. He can’t help grinning at how cute the younger boy looks, cheeks puffed out ,eyes crinkled with amusement. Jooheon had stuck a single candle in the middle of it and convinced a science teacher to lend them their lighter so he could light it.

There’s a round of happy birthdays, Changkyun cowering away from Jooheon as he punches his arm repeatedly.

“Happy birthday Kyun” Hoseok says, and Changkyun looks up at him as he comes out of the ball he’d made himself, handsome features sobering after his laughing fit.  
Hoseok is struck by how different Changkyun looks, when he’s not messing around with Minhyuk or trapped in a discussion with Hyungwon, caught in a somber kind of happiness that makes his boyish features mature. 

Minhyuk draws Hoseok’s attention away, suddenly waving someone over to their table- being very discreet, for Minhyuk- and the crowd of people around them thins to show Kihyun walking slowly towards them, hood drawn over his head, a pink tint to his cheeks showing he’d just been out in the cold. His dogtag shines brightly across sharp collarbones.

“I hope you don’t mind, I asked him to sit with us.” Minhyuk explains to the table, and they don’t really have time to object or dismiss it before Kihyun stops at their table. 

There’s a slight smell of smoke lingering to him, but he looks alright, feline features sharp but not unhappy as he nods to the table and sits beside Minhyuk, breathing out a greeting.

“It’s Changkyun’s birthday” Minhyuk tell him jovial, and Kihyun glances over to the younger boy- his name had been in the detention they’d had together, and Hoseok wonders just how great Kihyun’s memory is to have retained this small fact. Changkyun smiles softly at him, and Hoseok feels a strange swoop in his stomach. It’s not like him to be jealous, but that’s what it must be, and he scolds himself silently. The tightness on Jooheon’s features now isn’t something he would like to mirror.

“Happy birthday” Kihyun says, and Chankgyun’s smile grows.

“Thank you.” 

Minhyuk picks the conversation up easily, as always.

“He’s 17 today, so we’re throwing him a party” he’s beaming, and Hyungwon seems to catch onto his excitement, drawing Changkyun into his shoulder with a smile.

“It’s going to be awesome” Changkyun chuckles, and Kihyun’s clear voice cuts through the giggles.

“Just the 6 of you?” He asks, making polite conversation as Hoseok had half expected him to- he’d come to realise with Kihyun that it was either silence or full investment. 

“And a few other close friends.” Hyungwon answers. 

Jooheon stands suddenly, shoving his hands in pockets that jingle with loose change.

“I’m gonna get a coffee” he says, and the annoyance in his voice is so obvious Hoseok tries not to cringe away from it. “D’you want anything?” Changkyun shakes his head, almost succeeding in a casual smile.

“Anyone else need anything?” Jooheon asks, and there’s a tense second where everyone pretends not to notice his avoiding Kihyun’s eye. Everyone, except Kihyun himself : Hoseok knows how Kihyun avoids people’s gaze on him as much as possible, and so the trail of his eyes following Jooheon as he looks at everyone but him make it clear he wants the other boy to look at him.  
Jooheon ignores it though, or doesn’t notice, and he leaves the table with quick ‘see you later's that don’t quite match his excuse for coffee.  
Hyungwon, never one for pretences, looks at Kihyun almost immediately.

“Do you know Jooheon?” He asks, plainly but without emotion, curious rather than accusing.

“I can’t say I do.”

Hoseok had a sneaking suspicion this was the case, and he finds Minhyuk nodding reassurance despite the clear truth in Kihyun’s answer.

Changkyun leans across the table a little towards Kihyun. “I’m sorry he acted so weird” he says, and Hoseok feels a warmth in his chest at the softness of his words, how cute he looks leaning forward, round eyes wide in his sincerity.  
Kihyun relaxes into a smile, fiddling with his necklace a little. “It’s fine.” 

But the strange atmosphere at the table doesn’t leave them until the bell rings.

 

***

 

The doorbell rings first at nine, just as Minhyuk pours himself his first drink.

“Should I let them in?” His hollering floats up the stairs just as Hoseok is clattering down them, almost running into Hyungwon, who yells back to Minhyuk in front of the door.

“Got it!”

The first at the door are Sungjae and Hongbin, who stand jumping on Hyungwon’s doorstep in the cold, beaming and leaping in as he swings the door open.

“Long time no see, boys!” Sungjae’s warm voice yells, and Changkyun’s voice answers from a room upstairs, making them laugh.

“Bro!”

“He’ll be 5 minutes” Hyungwon says, and the two nod quickly, smiling as Hoseok leads them into the living room, where Minhyuk and the music and the alcohol reside. It was only a small party, so they’d dragged one of the couches lengthwise across the middle of the room to make it less spacious, Minhyuk’s phone connected to the TV so pop music floats around the room.   
Minhyuk is immediately drawn into an animated conversation with the newcomers, leaving Hoseok and Hyungwon to let the others in when they arrive.  
In the five minutes it takes before Changkyun comes down, Hoseok has shown in Donghyuk and Chanwoo, Hyungwon had brought in Lisa, Bambam and Youngjae, and Minhyuk was dancing with two blondes Hoseok thinks are from Changkyun’s psychology class. Joy, he thinks the girl’s called, and Hoshi.  
Hoseok is certain that Minhyuk had never met them before this.

The rooms livened up so quickly that they don’t spot Changkyun until he’s standing right next to them, as Hoseok and Hyungwon finally pour themselves a drink.

Hyungwon looks up as he pours and whistles. “Looking good, birthday boy.”

Hoseok looks up to see Changkyun laugh, embarrassed. He’d changed into the hoodie Minhyuk had bought him for his birthday, a pale blue thing that looked so soft Hoseok just wanted to use him as a pillow, with black skinny jeans and a subtle smudge of black around his eyes that Minhyuk must have been a part of.

“You look great, Changkyun!” 

Hoseok hugs the younger boy to him as he turns bright red and covers his face, Minhyuk’s yell drawing people’s eyes towards him. Hoseok can hear Hongbin cooing somewhere in the throng of people, and Lisa hits Minhyuk with a laugh, telling him not to embarrass the birthday boy.

“You look gorgeous” Hoseok whispers as he pulls him in, and when he’s pushed away Changkyun looks so shy. 

Hoseok’s stomach drops a little as he remembers the bet he’d made with Minhyuk and Hyungwon a while ago, but even as he feels his nerves kick in Changkyun’s phone dings and the boy reads out a text.

“Jooheon says he can’t make it- Shownu’s car broke down and they’re still pretty far from here.”  
Shownu was an older boy they’d met once or twice in passing that used to babysit Jooheon, and the two were still almost s inseparably as Jooheon and Changkyun.

“Aw” Hyungwon sighs, putting a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder as he paces him a drink. “Sorry Changkyun.”

But Changkyun only shrugs. “We’re already doing something with just us tomorrow.” And he doesn’t seem to care like Hoseok had expected him too, but Hyungwon just shrugs, walking over to a group of people with drinks clutched between his fingers.

Hoseok looks over his drink at the younger boy.

“Are you really OK with Jooheon not being here?” 

Changkyun looks up at him with surprise as he throws a cheese puff into his mouth. “Of course, I have you to party with” he smiles. Hoseok still doubts him a little, and Changkyun concedes. 

“He annoyed me today, is all. And we’ll hang out tomorrow anyway.”

This, and the steady look Changkyun is giving him as the walk towards the others, is enough to convince Hoseok.

Hoseok had drawn the short straw, being sent to the pizza place a few blocks from Hyungwon’s house, but he’d taken his time with the errand, enjoying the cool air on his hot face, the near silence after two hours of the loud music of the party. He’s met with cheers as he returns, arms laden with boxes of food, half expecting to see Jooheon and Shownu amongst the crowd.  
He doesn’t, though.  
He sees Kihyun.

He isn’t sure where to look, actually. He gets over the shock of seeing them dancing together pretty quickly, as he catches onto the upbeat music again, but he can’t seem to look away from either of them. They’re laughing, swaying and moving together to the music, Changkyun facing Hoseok's direction, Kihyun recognisable only because of the bubblegum waves, the smallness of his frame. Changkyun spots Hoseok just as he turns away, but he doesn’t respond to the younger boy calling his name, and Minhyuk sees his expression as he approaches and doesn’t bother asking what happened.   
Hoseok lets himself be dragged into a dance, shutting out all of the feelings coiled in his stomach in favour of losing himself in the music.


	11. At sixes and sevens

It had only been a minute or so after Hoseok leaves that Minhyuk spots Kihyun hovering at the edge of the party, leaning against a doorframe having just walked through the entrance. 

He doesn’t seem willing to step into the room yet, not quite decided whether he wants to join the party, and Minhyuk doesn’t feel like it’s his place to invite him in so he hangs back for a moment, as he sees Hyungwon looking at him questioningly. His friend figures out his confusion, however, when he looks in the direction of Minhyuk’s gaze and sees the other boy.  
To Minhyuk’s relief, he starts making his way towards him with a welcoming smile.

“Hey, Kihyun” Hyungwon says, and Kihyun takes his eyes away from the throng of dancing people to look up at him neutrally.

“Hyungwon, right?” He gets a nod in return, the smile on Hyungwon’s face settling into a more genuine expression.

“That’s right- accepted Minhyuk’s invitation then?” Unexpectedly though, Kihyun shakes his head, looking confused.

“No, Changkyun asked me to come first.” Hyungwon feels his eyebrows spike in surprise, but he supposes the two are quite similar when he thinks about it. Quiet, reserved, unsociable. Besides, Hyungwon liked people, and he hadn’t known much about Kihyun before, but Kihyun now seemed interesting enough- if not a little prevaricating.

Minhyuk’s grin when Kihyun makes his way towards his group is worth it for Hyungwon, and he sees Changkyun besides him look up in surprise at the new visitor. Minhyuk’s sat on the ground facing the seat Hyungwon had taken on one of the couches, with Changkyun sat on the armrest, drinks in hand and at the stage of parties they always get to eventually, ignoring most of the others in favour of their own company. Hoseok had only just left, so the break in conversation meant Kihyun’s arrival was a welcome distraction from boredom. Minhyuk waves them over.

“Kihyun!” His enthusiasm startles Kihyun for a moment, until he sees the dregs in Minhyuk’s cup and the telltale signs of the alcohol's effect.

“Hi” he says, smiling a little at both of them as Hyungwon takes his seat beside Changkyun again, and chooses to sit on the floor beside Minhyuk so they form a square, not realising this is always how they sit, how Hoseok had been in his spot in the box only minutes ago. Changkyun shares a look with Minhyuk, and sees the surprise mingled approval in the other’s eyes.

“You didn’t tell me you’d already invited Kihyun?” Hyungwon asks, and Changkyun tries not to wince away from the question, especially seeing Minhyuk’s attention snap to him, Kihyun’s level expression showing he’d already figured out his friends didn’t know.

“You don’t know each other, do you?” Minhyuk asks, and they shake their heads at the same time.

“No, not really. We met before, that’s all.”

Hyungwon nods in understanding that Changkyun knows he’s going to have to correct. “At the detention.”

“We spoke met after that too, he bumped into me after school when I was waiting for Jooheon.” This isn’t really true- not the whole truth, at least- but for some reason Changkyun doesn’t want to explain it all here, not yet. He ignores Kihyun’s inquisitive look.

“Oh, cool” Minhyuk says easily. “I didn’t think you had spoken to each other before.”

“It was only a few days ago.” Kihyun says, nodding, and Minhyuk gasps dramatically and insists on him getting a drink, so they stand and leave Changkyun with Hyungwon.

The silence has a curious quality to it that Changkyun knows is Hyungwon deciding whether to ask something, but he stays quiet, head bobbing along to the music, as he waits for the question.

“So...What’s going on with you and Jooheon?” Changkyun hadn’t been expecting the question to be so bluntly stated, but it had been the one he had been waiting for.

“What do you mean?” Changkyun says, just so he doesn’t have to say anything else. 

“You know...You seemed annoyed today, is all, and he wouldn’t normally walk off like that without you.”  
Sighing, Changkyun realises he doesn’t want to keep anything from them, and they may as well know now. It’s probably going to blow over, anyway.

“It’s just- Kihyun” Changkyun sighs again and noticed how the name surprises Hyungwon. “Hoseok seems to like Kihyun- and so does Minhyuk - but Jooheon has never gave him a chance and- I don’t know. It just seems selfish of him to make a fuss.”

Hyungwon looks at him closely, in the concerned way of his that’s so unlike his image- cold, to most people, but they all soon found out how wrong that was- and it makes Changkyun feel on edge. Like he’ll see everything Changkyun still doesn't want him to see. He looks a little confused.  
“This is about Hoseok?”

Startled, Changkyun nods slowly. He hadn’t really realised that yet. “I suppose. He seemed defensive when I was mentioning Kihyun, is all. And there’s nothing wrong with making new friends.” Changkyun feels himself close off from the conversation, peculiarly. He knows what he just said sounds defensive too, but not of Kihyun- of Hoseok, or himself. Whatever, he’s probably just confused about what happened with Jooheon, his thoughts and feelings still swirling around in confused circles.

“OK” Hyungwon says, trusting in a way the others would never be- it’s not that they care less about him, but Minhyuk would be dying to know what was going on, and Hoseok would worry too much to let something like this go... What would Jooheon do?  
Thankfully, Changkyun is snapped out of that thought as Minhyuk tugs at his arm.

“Come dance, Kyun” he says, and Changkyun stands obligingly, Hyungwon following suit.  
Minhyuk’s other hand is wrapped around Kihyun’s wrist.

“I don’t dance, Minhyuk” Kihyun is sighing, frustration clear in his expression, but Minhyuk is surprisingly stubborn about dancing at parties, and the protests fall on deaf ears.

“Nonsense!” He yaps. “I saw you dance at all the parties before.” Kihyun draws his arm away, with what must have been considerable force, because Minhyuk winces as he realises what he just said.

And as their little group grow awkwardly quiet, two people walk through the door. Jooheon, Shownu right behind him, and before he has time to pick up on the emotion that provokes Changkyun finds himself instinctively look away. 

Kihyun must notice, because Changkyun gasps as he feels cold fingers curl around his wrist, pulling.

“Let’s dance, Changkyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! I hope this isn't confusing because of its starting a little before the end of the last chapter, but the next chapter will follow on from the end of this one and the previous chapter, so hopefully I haven't made it too confusing. And college finished today (yaaas!) so I should be able to keep up the good streak of updating every week. Merry Christmas, everyone!


	12. Burning Up

  
  
Hoseok knows he shouldn’t. And yet-

“When did Kihyun get here?”

 

He also knows he definitely shouldn’t be telling Minhyuk, of all people.  But if his friend notices the bitter edge to his voice he doesn’t show it.

“Just after you left, actually. I’m surprised you didn’t bump into him on your way for the pizzas.”

They dance as they talk, close together to be heard above the noise, and he can still see them. Changkyun and Kihyun in the dim light, pulling apart and drawing together as if they'd danced like that together for an age. Changkyun’s smirking as Kihyun steps closer, and his eyes flicker up quickly, looking straight at Hoseok from across the room.

Hoseok is two emotions fighting with each other. Jealousy. Want. 

He doesn't know where either is directed.

It doesn't get any clearer when Changkyun suddenly stops dancing, another boy making his way towards him, another figure Hoseok hadn’t expected to see. He can't help but wonder at when everything got so complicated.

Jooheon has a way of making Changkyun look small.Hoseok hadn't noticed it before, but as Kihyun turns away from them with a dark expression Hoseok is suddenly so aware of how young Changkyun looks again.

“Hoseok, are you OK?” 

Minhyuk’s concern is enough to break Hoseok’s eyes away as Jooheon leans in close to Changkyun, talking too quietly for Hoseok to hear.

“I’m fine.” He says, trying his best to smile convincingly. But he knows how distracted he must look. He knows how he’s ignoring Minhyuk.

“What’re you so focused on?”

There's a little noise of understanding as Minhyuk follows his eyeline, but Minhyuk doesn't quite hit the mark, because his gaze falls short when he sees Kihyun dancing with a Lisa.

“Oh.” Minhyuk slows down his dancing a little as he watches Kihyun and Lisa weave between the other dancers, off the dancefloor towards the drinks. He doesn't know what to say, and Hoseok would rather deal with one feeling, one problem, at a time, so he tips Minhyuk’s chin a little so he spots the other two 

“Oh!” Disappointingly, Minhyuk’s second exclamation is ecstatic.

Hoseok is a little confused as to why, until he remembers the bet. It feels like forever ago, when Minhyuk had bet a kiss on Jooheon confessing in two months. But it had been one, and if it happened now Minhyuk would win.

 

Minhyuk squeals when Jooheon puts a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder as he talks, running it across his arm down to his wrist, where he closes his fingers, pulling a weakly protesting Changkyun from the room.

“Hoseok, oh my god! I need to go tell Hyungwon immediately.”

‘Immediately’ isn't a joke, because Minhyuk turns in search of the other boy, leaving Hoseok alone, surrounded by dancing people. 

Kihyun moves, and Hoseok’s eyes are drawn automatically to him, just to see sharp eyes looking back.

Hoseok guesses his expression must look very much like Kihyun’s right now, brows drawn down slightly in concern, jaw tight with tension, but unsure as to what's bothering him so much.

Kihyun jerks his chin up sharply, and Hoseok realises he’s telling him to follow, because he’s Changkyun’s friend, Jooheon’s friend, where Kihyun’s still a stranger. The revelation is a sad one, but bitterness and stubbornness twists in Hoseok’s gut, as he finds himself walking up stairs towards where he thinks Changkyun will be. 

Changkyun. Lisa. Hoseok. 

This was the order of them all tonight, in Kihyun’s eyes, and Hoseok feels like such an idiot to have thought there was anything different between them. But- did he really think that? What right does he have to feel betrayed when he knew nothing about Kihyun? When he doesn't even know how he feels, himself?

 

He’s wrapped in a cycle of self doubt as he reaches Hyungwon’s bedroom door, finally within range of the conversation he’d been wanting to hear all night.

“I just wanted to say I missed you, Kyun. That’s all.” 

Jooheon’s voice is soft, words uncharacteristically emotional, and Hoseok feels his cheeks warm. He’s suddenly certain he’s intruding on something private, when Changkyun sighs, a small, frustrated sound.

“You told me you weren't coming, Jooheon.”  

The reply is unexpectedly numb in comparison to Jooheon’s sweet confession, and Hoseok tries to stop feeling angry at Changkyun. He’d been here, all over Kihyun as Jooheon was missing him.

But Hoseok is aware of the real reason for his anger, deep down. He knows it’s either jealousy or want. As to which one…

“You didn't want to see me?” Even through the door, Jooheon’s voice is sad.

“It’s not that…” Changkyun’s voice makes Hoseok very sure that it is that.

“Then what is it?”

“I’m just a little...confused. As-as to how I feel."

There’s a squeaking sound of a mattress compressing as one of them sits.

“Me too.” Jooheon says, and there's something in his voice that makes Hoseok’s stomach drop. 

He’s already turning away when Changkyun’s voice comes again.

“Stop.” The word paralyses Hoseok at the top of the stairs.

“Why? I know you like me, Changkyun. You told me.”

Told him? Embarrassment twists to annoyance. So Changkyun likes Jooheon. And Jooheon likes Changkyun. 

And Kihyun's downstairs with other people.

“I did” Changkyun sighs the words, so Jooheon’s quick reply is clear.

“Well then-” there’s a creak, and then silence, and then-

“I told you to stop!” 

Hoseok shoves the door open.

 

He feels sick, sick on the word 'stop', Changkyun’s voice playing again in his head, as he sees Changkyun look up at him with pleading eyes.

“What’s going on?” Hoseok asks, but his voice is too sharp, and Jooheon drops his hands from Changkyun’s face like he’s been burned, standing off the bed they’d been sat on.

The situation is so obvious Hoseok would cringe painfully if Jooheon hadn't been scowling, if Changkyun hadn’t been red and slouched so small.

“What’re you doing here, Hoseok?”

The question is an odd one, clearly because Jooheon has nothing to say for himself.

“I heard Changkyun tell someone to stop.”  _ And so did you _  , goes unsaid. “I was worried.”

“Well, there was no need to be, it’s just us two. So-”

“Hoseok.”  

The word is a whimper. His name. It sounds different to all of the other times Changkyun has said his name.

It does odd things- Jooheon scowls instantly, Changkyun can’t seem to keep his tears back, Hoseok freezes.

At the sight of the tears in Changkyun’s eyes he thaws, pushing Jooheon out of the way to get to the younger boy. 

“It’s OK, Changkyun.”

Jooheon whirls to face the boys behind him now, Hoseok too afraid to touch Changkyun, venom in his voice.

“Is this about Kihyun, Changkyun, or is this about Hoseok?”

“GET OUT!” 

 

Hoseok’s yelling has Chabgkyun’s stubborn tears finally falling, but Hoseok’s too horrified to notice Jooheon’s reaction to it. All he knows it that he leaves.

And Hoseok has no idea what to do but pull Changkyun close.

When he looks up a moment later, Changkyun’s head slotted into the crook of his neck, it’s to see Kihyun through the slit in the door.


	13. Open wounds

“You may as well come in Kihyun” Changkyun says a second later, voice still thick with tears, head shifting infinitesimally on Hoseok’s chest, not quite letting Kihyun see his face but acknowledging his presence at the door. The blank expression Kihyun had been wearing twists a little, caught in indecision. “You probably heard all of that anyway.” 

Hoseok is watching Kihyun when he swings the door open and steps in stiffly, not quite ready to look at Changkyun as the younger boy lifts his head and rubs his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to-” Kihyun seems weary, looking at Hoseok when he talks instead of Changkyun.

“Forget it.”

Changkyun’s voice hadn’t been cold, or even firm- he was red faced and teary still, when Hoseok finally forced himself to look, and his voice was tired. Kihyun nodded, holding his hands clasped in front of him awkwardly, and Hoseok’s eyes catch on them with a gasp that makes Changkyun look up at Kihyun quickly, almost suspicious.

“Kihyun” Hoseok cuts himself off, unsure of what he was trying to say, as Kihyun meets his eye. His voice had sounded weird, even to his own ears, when he’d said Kihyun’s name. 

Changkyun’s quick to put himself between them when he sees the red seeping through the towel wrapped around Kihyun’s hand.

 

“What happened?” There’s an edge to Changkyun’s voice that isn’t quite concern, strong as Hoseok tries to ignore the smell of blood in the air. Changkyun had tried to stop him seeing the blood, even when his own problems were so much bigger. Hoseok still didn’t know where he stood with the younger boy now, with things happening with Jooheon he doesn’t understand and the inexplicable link Changkyun now has with Kihyun- who, if anything, is even more mysterious, confusing.

Kihyun manages a breathy laugh, sharp smile bordering on charming, and Hoseok feels both distrust and admiration.

“I may have broken a bottle- Hyungwon sent me up here to clean up. He said there was a first aid kit in the bathroom.” The bedroom they’re in now leads onto a bathroom where they keep the first aid supplies, and Hoseok feels bitter at the thought that Kihyun’s excuse to be here is more valid than his own. He’d just been eavesdropping.

Changkyun looks over his shoulder at the door behind them, but studies Hoseok’s expression closely before leading Kihyun towards it. “Are you going to be OK?”  
His voice is gentle, deep timbre calming Hoseok’s nerves in a way the other boys never could.

He nods, but Changkyun stands still with his hand on Kihyun’s arm, just above where the towel ends, until Hoseok speaks.

“I’m OK, Kyun.” Hoseok had always hated blood, and it had always tipped him closer to panic attacks, but he knows Changkyun wants him to keep talking. Before panics Hoseok could never manage a word, and the sound of his voice seems to be enough confirmation for Changkyun, who looks back at Kihyun and leads him gently over to the bathroom.

In the harsher lights every detail is clearer, the red soaking the towel brighter, the pale tint of Kihyun’s skin more obvious. In the small space, Changkyun’s curse echoes as Kihyun peels the towel away from his hand.

There’s a large piece of glass stuck in his palm, with smaller cuts around it and at his fingertips and Changkyun feels his pulse jump painfully, heartbeat thudding in his ears. The bleedings heavy, and Hyungwon must have been in worse shape than Changkyun had left him in not to see how bad it was.

“This needs stitches.” Changkyun feels like he’s stating the obvious, just hoping Hoseok doesn’t have to see this, but Kihyun winces.

“It’ll be fine, I can bandage it myself.” He turns the tap on with his other hand and takes a deep breath. Changkyun freezes, but before he can say anything Kihyun’s gripping the glass carefully between his fingers and pulling.

It clatters into the sink loudly, Kihyun barely making a sound. His face is whiter than before though, and now the blood runs more freely. As he slowly puts his hand under the slow-running water, Kihyun can’t stop the groan rising in his throat, and Changkyun feels dizzy. He was usually fine with this kind of thing, always the most collected, but for some reason he can’t stop his hands shaking on the edge of the sink.

“You need to get it looked at Kihyun” his voice is more consistent this time, but it wavers. “This needs stitches.” He holds out bandages anyway, just so he can do something.

“It’s fine” Kihyun snaps, and Changkyun can’t help but wince away at the sound, gasping as Kihyun snatches the bandages from him. Hoseok’s at the door frame in a second.

Changkyun had called his name, worried, but Hoseok could only look at the water as it ran red, could only notice how Kihyun was leaning his whole weight on the sink now.

“I’m driving you to the hospital.” Hoseok’s voice is stronger than expected, demanding as it bounces off the bathroom walls around them, and his expression is set. It only makes Kihyun more defiant.

“In case you’ve forgotten, you’ve been drinking. You’re not driving anyone anywhere.”

Changkyun regards Hoseok for a moment but must not see any reaction to the blood seeping through the bandages, because he shakes his head.  
“Hoseok went to get the food, he must have only had one drink- it’ll have been out of his system hours ago.”

Hoseok is shocked to see this is true. It had been hours since he’d drank anything, the sun setting and time ticking by quickly without his noticing. It was almost one in the morning now.

Kihyun is scowling as he tucks the bandage in on itself, spinning to bark something at them, but one look is all is needed before Changkyun has hold of one arm and Hoseok has the other.

“I’m driving you, Kihyun.” There must have been something new in his voice, because Kihyun’s eyes widen a little as he looks up at him. He’s still scowling awfully when he nods, but he doesn’t resist them as they lead him downstairs and out the door.

It’s only after Hoseok has pulled away from Hyungwon’s drive that he realises they hadn’t told anyone where they were going, but he dismissed the thought quickly. Kihyun’s in the passenger seat next to him, trying not to show how the blood loss is affecting him. He’s too pale though, almost paper white, and there’s a jerkiness to how he moves that makes it clear he’s feeling faint.

Changkyun’s in the back, and as Hoseok stops at a light the small sound of his sniffling can be heard. But his voice isn’t as heavy as he speak up, leaning forward into the gap between the front seats.

“Are you going to tell us what happened?” He asks, eyeing Kihyun with a worried expression, and Hoseok is surprised to hear the dismissive noise come from the passenger seat. He’d thought they would be ignored.

“I held a bottle too tight. It smashed.” Hoseok can’t help the look of surprise he gives at the answer, and Kihyun’s voice sounds offended when he notices. “I’m telling the truth.”

“You must be stronger than you look.” The way he says it makes it clear Changkyun thinks there's more to the story that Kihyun isn’t telling them, but Kihyun ignores it, shuffling in his seat to stare out the window, annoyed.

“Why were you crying?” He questions back, and Hoseok is suddenly glad, just this once, for all of the secrets. It’s clear there’s a lot Changkyun isn’t telling them that Hoseok wants to know, and if it means Kihyun keeps talking to them then all the better.

Hoseok ignores the warning in his mind that he doesn’t want Kihyun talking to Changkyun. He doesn’t have time to ponder why right now.

“If I tell you, will you tell us why you smashed that bottle?” The manipulation makes Kihyun chuckle.  
“Maybe.” His tone is dismissive, nonchalant as could be, but he turns away from the window at least, and it betrays his curiosity a little. For some reason, Hoseok finds himself holding back a smile.

Changkyun takes Kihyun’s ambiguous response. It takes him a while to speak though, Kihyun fiddling with the dog tag at his neck and Hoseok glancing in his mirror to see Changkyun pull in a shaky breath. 

“OK” Changkyun sighs. “But I guess I should fill Hoseok in on- on what happened the other day.” Hoseok feels a sudden kick of jealousy. What was there that Kihyun knew that he didn’t?

“I was waiting for Jooheon a few days ago, after college. And-” When Hoseok glances worriedly in the mirror, it’s to see a deep frown etched into Changkyun’s features. He sighs, impatient with himself. “And something happened.” He blurts it out and doesn’t look at Hoseok when he turns, surprised.

“Something?”

Changkyun groans loudly, covering his face with his hands. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask. He kissed me.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Hoseok had expected Changkyun to pick up on his weird reaction, but it’s Kihyun that turns to him with a smirk on his lips, eyebrow raised teasingly. Hoseok feels his cheeks heat up and focuses his attention on the road.

“And I didnt know what to do when he asked me if I liked him, because.. Well because I didn’t really know myself so I told him yeah, and-”

“Do you?”

Changkyun stutters at the interruption. “Do I what?”

Kihyun picks up Hoseok’s question for him, voice impatient where Hoseok’s had been careful. “Do you like him?”

A little strangled noise comes from the back of the car, and Hoseok has to fight the urge to laugh at how cute Changkyun could be.

“I don’t think so? I mean-I did, but now…” His hair is dishevelled from all the tugging he’d been doing, and Hoseok really wishes he hadn’t been driving because he looks like he needs a hug so badly.  
“I told him I liked him anyway, I don’t know why. And he must have realised it wasn’t that true because we got in a fight-”

“You guys fell out?” Hoseok shouts, and Changkyun is at least feeling better enough to laugh as Kihyun almost jumps out of his seat. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, we did I suppose. He asked me what was wrong and I said nothing and he just got really annoyed with me. He said that it didn’t seem like I liked him very much and when I tried to talk to him he just...shut me out.” There’s a pause, and Hoseok can feel Kihyun pay more attention. “Kihyun walked passed just as Jooheon started yelling and asked if everything was OK.”

“Your friend wasn’t too pleased.” Kihyun added dryly.

“No.” Changkyun admitted. “No, he wasn’t. He stormed off and I kind of...I got upset.” He finishes lamely. “And Kihyun was nice.”

Kihyun makes a derisive noise at the back of his throat. “I told him he shouldn’t let people talk to him that way.”

“Well, yeah, he wasn’t that nice.” Hoseok notices Kihyun raise his eyebrows in mock surprise, almost challenging, and can’t help but laugh a little. “But I could tell he meant well.”

Hoseok feels suspicious of the story ending there, but Changkyun and Kihyun share a look that tells him it wasn’t over yet.

Kihyun sighs, and there’s a bitterness in his expression, as if he doesn’t want to tell, but he does. “It was the day after detention together.” Hoseok feels his stomach jump. “And I asked Changkyun what had happened.” 

Detention? What did that have to do with this? Jooheon couldn’t have been angry with Changkyun for getting into a fight, could he? It would have been Hoseok’s fault, if he was.

“I told him why I was there and I kind of had to tell him why you were there too.” This didn’t make any sense. Kihyun knew why he was in detention before Hoseok told him?  
Kihyun’s eyes are on him now, Hoseok can feel he’s being watched. “And he told me about your conversation.”

Oh.

Kihyun is quick to look away when Hoseok finally looks at him, and he can’t catch his eye. It had been just after they’d spoken properly for the first time, the very same day Hoseok had felt so safe around Kihyun, that Changkyun had opened up to him too.

“I’m confused.” Is all Hoseok can manage to say, but he’s more than that right now. He’s half certain that the feeling stirring in him now is fear. And embarrassment, shame almost. At having thought the reason it had been so easy to open up to Kihyun was because of- well, because of something that clearly wasn’t there. He’d been such an idiot.  
“I told him why you’d been in detention” Changkyun is trying to explain, confused at Hoseok’s reaction. “And- uh.” He cuts off as if he was going to say something he shouldn’t have, and Kihyun picks up, tone bored and impatient all at once.

“And he told me the names of the boys. It didn’t take me long after that to find their locker numbers… and the other things.”

So Changkyun had known it was Kihyun. He’d pretended he didn’t know who it was when he had been to give their names to him in the first place.

Hoseok feels like he should be angry, jealous, spiteful at this point. But Changkyun had been the one to post the photo of the lockers, like he’d really wanted Hoseok to see it, and he had kind of made it obvious that he knew Kihyun had been involved. Just not why he knew.

When Changkyun has caught Hoseok up, all that is left to be explained is tonight, Jooheon storming out of the room to leave a crying Changkyun in Hoseok’s arms. But Hoseok is greatly disappointed, if he was expecting an explanation.

“And then tonight, Jooheon said he was sorry and asked if we could forget about the fight. I got annoyed and he kissed me, even though I told him not to.”

After that it’s quiet in the car for a while, the five minutes drive left to the hospital spent in silence somewhere between awkward and comfortable, and it isn’t until they’re pulling into the parking lot that Kihyun finally speaks.

“I saw someone at the party, that I didn’t want to see. That’s why I broke the bottle.”

Even though it’s only the beginning to an explanation, and Kihyun doesn’t look like they’d ever be able to get more out of him, Hoseok feels a flush of excitement at Kihyun’s confession. It seemed like they had both shared so much with him already, and this tiny piece of information- though nowhere near enough for either of them… Well, it was a start.


	14. Excuses and omissions

Kihyun lets Changkyun explain the situation when they’re inside, and after that he leaves them both sat together in a waiting room, tiny space rammed with as many chairs as they could fit in it and holding absolutely nobody but them. Hoseok half expects his voice to echo when he speaks, the room is so compact, but his voice is quieter than he expects it to be.

“Are you OK?” It’s getting a little ridiculous, how many times Hoseok has heard this phrase bounce around the three of them all night, and Changkyun winces as if he’d been expecting it.

“I think so.” He sighs, rubbing tired eyes as he stretches his legs out in front of him, hitting the row of chairs in front of them. Hoseok can’t remember a time Changkyun had ever told anything but the absolute truth, but there was always something the younger boy was keeping hidden. Not just everything with Jooheon, or whatever was happening with Kihyun, but Changkyun was never straightforward about how he was feeling. So though it didn’t sound like he’d get any further explanation, Hoseok was happy that Changkyun’s simple answer was so genuine. He knew it was hard for him.

“You don’t need to talk to me about it,” though he sounds like a broken record of himself, Hoseok feels like he has to give this speech. He’s a little relieved when Changkyun interrupts.

“But you want me to.” The words are blunt but not emotional, and Hoseok can’t help but feel a little guilty. With the way he says it so level headedly the curiosity he feels seems selfish, childish. Why did he always feel like the younger one with Changkyun?

“It’s OK, Hoseok. I know the others would want to know about it as well, if they’d been there.” Minhyuk is definitely the one being spoken about, but neither of them need to say that.

“Are you going to tell them?” 

The suddenness of Changkyun’s reply shocks Hoseok into sitting upright in his chair, sure his mouth fell open. “Yes.” At seeing Hoseok’s expression, a shy kind of smile replaces the younger’s serious expression, and he shrugs. “I think they deserve to know, that he can be like this.”

It still feels like he’s misunderstood something, to Hoseok. It was only a few hours ago that his biggest problem with Jooheon was how flippant he had been with Changkyun lately. And then he’d walked in and saw that ugly expression on his face, guilt and arrogance he’d never seen on Jooheon before- he still doesn’t believe it’s happened. The reminder is there though, Changkyun’s pleading voice playing on loop in his head.

He needs to shake the thoughts away.

“Did you text the others? They don’t know where we are.” Chankgyun’s eyes are wide when he looks up at him, and it’s immediately clear he’d forgotten all about the others at the party. Hoseok is hit by the image of his eyes locked on Kihyun’s as they danced- Changkyun hadn’t seemed to notice anyone else all night. Immediately he hates himself for the spike of bitterness it causes. 

Changkyun makes a cute little mewling noise at the back of his throat, whining. “If I tell them where we are they’ll get all worried and come get us.”

Hoseok knows he’s right. Hyungwon would hear the word ‘hospital’ and come raging to find them, and Hoseok wasn’t sure whether he would beat them to a pulp or suffocate them in a hugand never let them out of his sight again. He was almost constantly caught in between those two options.

It seems that he’s about to find out sooner than he was hoping to, because as if he can sense them wanting to ignore them, Hyungwon’s call tone rings out from Hoseok’s pocket. And he picks up, despite Changkyun’s puppy-dog expression.

“Location.”

Oh hell.

“Relax, Hyungwon.” Changkyun winces at the name. “I’m with Changkyun. Kihyun’s here too.”

Hoseok can practically feel Hyungwon roll his eyes over the phone, but at least he isn’t barking out one word sentences anymore. “I’m getting the overwhelming suspicion that you’re trying to avoid telling me where you are Hoseok.”

“Where- that...uh.” Changkyun by now is mouthing ‘what’ with increasing aggression and gesturing to the phone, but Hoseok can only stutter down the line and throw his hands up in desperation. His stomach leaps when Changkyun reaches out and plucks the phone from his hand.

“Hyungwon?” Changkyun’s eyes are on Hoseok as the older boy watches him speak, and Hoseok is struck with a weird kind of intimacy. He isn’t sure if it’s the strange look he thinks he sees in Changkyun’s dark eyes, or whether it’s the bond between a partner in crime in as deep trouble as he is, but he has to look away either way.

“Kihyun had a little too much to drink, so Hoseok offered to drive him home, and I just needed to get out of the house for a se- yeah, Hyungwon, I’m fine. We pulled over when Kihyun felt sick and kind of just ended up at the beach.”

Not the place Hoseok had expected to hear, but then he remembers how Hyungwon told them about how he used to go to the beach when he was sad, just to get away from everything. It’s a risk Changkyun is taking, hoping Minhyuk and Hyungwon don’t decide that it’s a great idea and come ‘join’ them, but Changkyun grins a little and nods.

“Yeah, Won, I know. We’ll be back before five, I think.” A glance at the clock above tem tells Hoseok that it’s already passed half two, but Hyungwon doesn’t ask why they are going to take so long. He must sense something is wrong and decided to let this one go. “I’m fine, Won, really. I’ll tell you all about it when we get back.”

He doesn’t look smug when he hands Hoseok his phone back, but tired at the prospect of explaining it all to them later. 

“The beach?”  
Changkyun’s smile is a wryl. “It was the first thing I could think of.”

Hoseok’s usual teasing seem too strange to him now with everything that had happened, so he leans back in his chair, nodding in acceptance.

“So long as he bought it.”

“Bought what?”

At the sound of the clear voice they both turn sharply, greeted with the sight of a pale-looking Kihyun walking slowly towards them. His hand is wrapped in bandages, but there’s no blood except the splatters on his sleeves, and he doesn’t look so close to unconsciousness anymore. Both of them let out sighs that has Kihyun raising a perfect eyebrow, amused.

“He told Hyungwon we were at the beach.” Hoseok explains, feeling ridiculous at how the words slipped passed his lips so quickly at Kihyun’s question, but Changkyun’s flustered expression as he shoots him a betrayed look is enough to make him feel better.

“Do you want to go to the beach?” Is all Kihyun asks in reply, and Hoseok realises that Changkyun had thought of the beach first because of this reason, something that should have been obvious to someone as close to him as Hoseok was. 

“It’s very late.” Changkyun says, shaking his head, but they can both see him avoiding the question, and a glance is all it takes before Kihyun is next to Hoseok, who’s standing and taking the keys from his pocket.

 

“Are you going to tell us who it was?”

They’re sat on the wall bordering the beach, edges of their shoes just touching the sand as the waves glint in the moonlight. It’s still almost completely dark, with the winter chill coming into the air now and making them shake a little as they sit, but none of them are complaining.

“No.”

It feels so surreal to have Kihyun sat next to them like this, to see Changkyun so serious and mature, under the stars with the soft sounds of the ocean so close to them. When he thinks back on his youth years later, this is the memory that always comes to Hoseok first.

Hoseok even finds himself huffing laughter. “I thought you would say that.”

“Me too” Changkyun admits, and they look at each other just to smile, Hoseok sat in the middle of the other two and breathing the atmosphere in like it’s nicotine. It’s turning into one of those nights where the air feels electric.

.....

 

“I…” Kihyun breaks off, as they look at him and he looks out over the beach, and Hoseok is surprised that the sentence doesn’t come out perfect on the first try, like it always seems to for Kihyun. “I don’t like talking about it.” He finished lamely, and the answer he was going to give hangs between them like a palpable being, one that only he can see.

There’s silence for a moment, and though they don’t know it they’re all thinking of the same thing, of the strangeness of the situation and how their night had possibly ended up like this, at a beach nowhere near where they had started the night with just the three of them, unsure as to where they stood with each other.

“Jooheon doesn’t like you very much.”

Kihyun only nods. “I know. But not many people like me very much anymore.” There’s a surprisingly little amount of sorrow in his voice, considering how different Kihyun has become from his popular-with-everyone reputation, but the regret is painfully clear.

“I take it you’ll need a lift home” Hoseok says, because neither of them have anything to say to that and he knows Kihyun will wave off anything they would have said anyway. Kihyun tips his head to the side in thought as his sneakers move sand around below him.

Kihyun waves his phone at them. “A taxi’s on it’s way, actually.” 

The relief of knowing the car ride home will just be him and Changkyun is spoiled by the tiny feeling of disappointment that Hoseok tries to stamp down. Every time Kihyun seems to let him in a little he does something to make Hoseok think he doesn’t care. He’d spoken more about himself than he had before, to both of them tonight, but instead of staying with them and talking he’d arranged a way home. Stupidly, it hurt.

“Is it really this hard for you to open up to people?” Chankgyun’s question is soft, but as Hoseok processes the words he can feel himself tense up. He hadn’t expected Changkyun to say something so blunt. “Or are you just scared we won't like you?”

“Both.” Even this confession- that has Hoseok’s heart leaping into his throat- is followed with a tight smile as Kihyun stands, dusting his jeans off and clearly saying his goodbyes. “I’ll see you in school.”

Changkyun and Hoseok sit quietly for a while after he’s gone, but there’s too much between them, and eventually they drive back to Hyungwon’s in an uncharacteristically awkward silence, dreading all the questions they’ll have to answer.


	15. Warmth

The sunlight wakes Hoseok, and he feels new.

It had always been his favourite thing to wake up to, absolutely nothing but the sun shining on his face, even better with no alarm blaring the early hour near his head, knowing that the weekend days bring freedom from routine.   
He has no college to go to, no need to move from this spot, sun on his eyes as he closes them and settles back into Hyungwon’s sofa, duvet curled around him. 

There’s someone asleep on the other end of the couch, curled up, because the cushions rise and fall with steady breathing, and his cover is disrupted a little as they toss in their sleep.  
Hoseok knows who it is without opening his eyes again. There’s some way he can just tell now. Changkyun’s proximity was so much more obvious than the others'.

Sighing contentedly at the silence and sunlight, Hoseok has time to wonder. To question when any nearness with the younger boy had started being so obvious, like a warning running up his spine whenever they almost touched.

It is Changkyun, when he checks. The younger boy is sound asleep, sandy curls splayed around his head where he’s sunk into a fluffy white pillow, covers up to his nose. There’s subtle rings around his eyes that show he hasn’t been sleeping much, and Hoseok stops to worry over them for a moment before looking away, just as the others in the room start to wake.

As always, it’s Minhyuk's alarm.

The blonde had been stretched out on the carpet in a sleeping bag, and the noise of the obnoxious twinkling so close to his ear has him sitting up so quickly he’s immediately thrown backwards by his momentum as his sleeping bag velcro catches on the carpet. Hoseok is giggling quietly, until he sees a cushion fly towards Minhyuk’s head from a spot he can’t see. There’s a surprised ‘oomph’ as it connects.

“Every time, Minhyuk, really?”

It’s definitely Hyungwon, his voice thick with sleep as he groans, somewhere behind Hoseok. Changkyun blinks up at Hoseok as he looks around him, confused, making a little whining noise as he stretches his legs out, brushing Hoseok’s over the blankets as the older boy sits.

“What time is it?”

“Judging from Minhyuk’s alarm, which he apparently can’t remember to turn off, ever, it should be eight.”

By now though everyone but Hyungwon is sitting up and stretching, drawing their covers up around them, Minhyuk curling up on the couch between the two of them. Hyungwon manages to drag himself across the carpet enough so that he can be seen before collapsing and curling into a ball, slow with sleep as usual.

“You know” he mutters “we let you off the hook when you got back because you told us you’d explain in the morning.” He reminds them, and dread immediately settles back in Hoseok’s stomach, and Changkyun’s gaze flickers to him quickly as if in panic.

“Fine.” Hoseo sighs, wanting to get everything out in the open now that it couldn't be avoided. “Kihyun bumped into me on his way to the bathroom and I offered to drive him to the hospital. He’d smashed a bottle, and there was glass in his hand.” He adds the last sentence even though Kihyun had said Hyungwon knew what happened, and they both nod as if they knew it already.   
Hoseok wonders for a moment whether he had been confirming Kihyun’s words before believing them, but dismisses the thought quickly.

He also leaves out the reason Changkyun was with them, because he doesn’t think it would be fair to tell them without permission, but Changkyun picks up the story as if he wanted to get it off his shoulders, too.

“And Hoseok was already with me when Kihyun came in because Jooheon had wanted to speak with me, and we’d had a fight. Hoseok came in when he heard us yelling.”

Minhyuk groans unhappily. “Another fight with Jooheon?” He asks, and Changkyun just nods sadly.

“What’s his problem lately?” Hyungwon says, voice filled with annoyance, and Hoseok feels his heart thud quickly. 

There were two ways to answer this question, and he doesn’t know which Changkyun will choose: he could tell them that all the fighting had been about Kihyun, which would only lead to more questions, but would mean explaining what was happening with him and Kihyun in front of Hoseok, so at least one mystery would be solved.   
Or he could tell them what Jooheon had done, to distract them from how large a part Kihyun was playing in this, even though it would be hard for him to tarnish their view of their best friend.

“Jooheon kissed me the other day, and he tried to again last night. I told him to stop but he didn’t listen to me, and then Hoseok found me and Jooheon left.”

The silence between them is heavy when he finished explaining, and even Hyungwon is fully awake now, sitting up on the carpet to look at Changkyun’s expression closely, for a lie or for tears or something else, Hoseok isn’t sure.

“Kyun.” The name is a whine from Minhyuk, twisted with pity, and it’s all it takes for Changkyun to be smiling and blinking back tears that suddenly won't stop stinging behind his eyes.

“It’s fine” He says, even though his voice is heavy with tears now and Minhyuk has already crushed him into a hug, and Hoseok sees a flash of irritation in Hyungwon’s eyes.

“No it’s not! How could he do that to you?” His voice is loud, but more worried that angry.

“I’m sure he just didn’t think about what he was doing.” Changkyun mutters, as he wipes tears from around his eyes and sniffles, settling his head on Minhyuk’s shoulder as the older boy pats him comfortingly.

“That’s not enough, Changkyun. Not nearly enough to excuse it.” Minhyuk’s voice is lower in that way he always has with them when they’re upset, so smooth and calming where Hyungwon and Hoseok’s are sharp with worry.

“We won’t be seeing him today anyway, then” He’s saying. “We should do something to cheer up. It’s still your birthday weekend, you know.”

Changkyun musters a small smile at last, and the tension in the air settles a little, the relief and the feeling of leaning back against soft pillows and duvets merging into one saturday-morning sensation.

“What should we do?”Changkyun asks, and they all now not to ask him what he wasn’t when he says this. He isn’t in the mood for coming up with good ideas right now, and they don’t push him on it.

“The mall? We could get ice cream” Minhyuk suggests.

“Or the cinema. There’s that new marvel thingy you want to see, right?”

“It’s Thor, idiot.” Changkyun rolls his eyes, and the three of them on the couch (the geeks of their friendship group) share an amused look. His expression twists into reluctance. “Not today.”

“We could go to the beach?” Hoseok isn’t actually sure why he says this, despite the fact that they he knows that now it’s started raining he knows the answer will be no. Maybe it was just an in joke, wanting to say something only Changkyun and he would understand, but what he gains from saying it isn’t clear. 

A weird expression crosses Changkyun’s face, eyes lighting up with memories of stars and moonlight on waves in the darkness, electric, and Hoseok realises he’d been watching for his reaction because he had to know whether he’d dreamt the feeling. Whether he was right to think there was something trapped in the memory that meant something, and not just to him. 

And now he knew there was. 

But if he couldn’t decide what his own feeling had been on the beach, other than a vague sense of weightlessness, he has no hopes of interpreting the look in Changkyun’s eyes.

“Um, nooo.” Minhyuk says, completely oblivious to the look in Changkyun’s eyes. “Are you crazy? We’d get pneumonia.”

There’s an amused noise from the bundle of blankets on the carpet. “I never thought I’d say this, but Minhyuk’s right.” Hoseok hadn’t noticed Minhyuk still had hold of the pillow Hyungwon threw at him until it’s used in revenge, but he misses anyway.

“What else could we do, then?” Hoseok asks, and the memory stops dancing behind Chankgyun’s eyes, as the younger boy look away and closes his eyes.

“I don’t think I want to move anymore.”He sighs, and Hyungwon nods in agreement as Minhyuk settles against Hoseok’s legs. 

“Then we don’t have to. We could marathon Lord of the Rings?”

“Over my dead body, Lee Minhyuk.” They all knew it was coming, but the abruptness of Hyungwon’s refusal makes them laugh anyway.

“D’you want to invite Kihyun?”

The question is casual as it slips passed Hyungwon’s lips, but Hoseok knows Chankgyun’s surprise is mirrored in his expression, and he can’t stop how his breath catches.  
They don’t know what this question means, and Hoseok and Changkyun are looking at each other with careful expressions as neither of them dare speak first. Apparently, Changkyun sees the stubborn silence in Hoseok's expression, because he choses to speak up.

“Are you sure?” He asks, which seems like an immediate agreement to Hoseok, but Hyungwon just nods.

“Yeah, he seems cool. Plus, I kinda feel bad for what happened to his hand last night.”

Minhyuk is quick to agree. “He was fun last night. You looked like you guys got along.”

How quickly this statement had shifted from being about Hoseok and Kihyun to Changkyun and Kihyun makes Hoseok’s insides swarm with unease, but he can’t refuse now that they’ve all agreed.

“OK.”

“I’ll text him!” Minhyuk inputs happily, grinning. “He gave me his number last night, when you guys were upstairs.”

He types away as Hyungwon and Changkyun debate which movie to watch, and it isn’t long until Kihyun is once again walking through Hyungwon’s doorway.  
Minhyuk pouts at him as Hoseok tries to get over the deja vu and Changkyun tries to ignore how surreal it feels to see Kihyun integrating with their group again.

“I said to bring pajamas.” He complains, and Kihyun smirks as Hoseok becomes suddenly very aware that they only thing he’d done since waking up was washing his face and brushing his teeth. God knew what his hair looked like right now- did he smell?

“And I said no.” Hyungwon and Changkyun where sat against the sofa now, with Minhyuk and Hoseok on it behind them, and Kihyun sits beside Minhyuk on one end of the sofa.

“What are we watching?” He asks, and Hyungwon turns around to warn him.

“Not Lord Of The Rings.” 

Kihyun raises an eyebrow, amused, as Minhyuk explains.

“We hadn't’ decided yet. But Hyungwon always says no to LOTR.” 

“So far the front runners are Aladdin, Mrs Doubtfire, the Maze Runner and Death Note.”

Kihyun gets close to an actual laugh, and Hoseok grins automatically at his reaction  
“An eclectic mix” he says dryly. He turns to Minhyuk and smirks. “Aladdin?”

Minhyuk’s mouth falls open. “How did you know?” He shrieks, and Kihyun scoffs. Hoseok laughs with the others, seeing how obviously that one was Minhyuk’s pick, but Kihyun points to each of them in turn.

“Mrs Doubtfire” pointing at Changkyun, “Death note” pointing at a shocked Hyungwon, “and the Maze Runner.”

He stops as he makes eye contact with Hoseok, and the small smile on his face is different from his trademark smirk as he hears them laugh in surprise.

“Are we that predictable?” Hyungwon mutters, and   
Kihyun shakes his head but doesn’t say anything.

“Which one would you pick?” Changkyun asks him, and 

Kihyun looks up in thought for a moment.  
“Right now? Mrs Doubtfire.”

Changkyun whoops as he dives for the DVD, but none of them are too disappointed with the selection. This was for Changkyun anyway- and Kihyun must know this more than the rest of them, Hoseok realises. He’d been there for the first fight Jooheon and Changkyun had, and at the immediate aftermath of the second, and on the beach when Changkyun’s expression had been so open, so broken.   
For someone who seems so cold, Kihyun can't help but win Hoseok back with these little gestures of warmth.


	16. Words of Caution

 

Hoseok’s avoiding Changkyun.

 

He doesn’t think it was really a conscious decision, at least not at first- he didn’t wake up this morning and think to himself, ‘ _best to stay away_ ’.

Still, the fact remains a fact. When Changkyun walks to school that morning Hoseok has already arrived, when the bells for break and lunch and the end of the day ring Hoseok hasn’t so much as exchanged a glance with the younger boy.

He can’t bring himself to see him today, and yet he has no idea why the idea of a few exchanged words with someone he’d never been awkward with before makes him feel so full of dread his insides recoil. 

Avoiding Changkyun means avoiding them all. Minhyuk, who texts him continuously between lessons to ask if he’s not feeling well, Hyungwon, who Hoseok is sure must be irate by now. Maybe Jooheon. Maybe Kihyun. Not both, anyway. 

Thinking about Kihyun makes Hoseok think about Changkyun even more, though he recoils from the thoughts as the dread trickles back. Are they together right now? He thinks they could be. They’d seemed close enough at Hyungwon’s, the party _and_ the day after. 

Jooheon probably wasn’t with them, but it was only monday. Even with everything that had happened, and Hoseok is sure there is more to it than he knows (especially know that he knows they’d argued before this), he can’t believe anything would keep them apart for a long time. Then again, if anything could it was this.

 

Hoseok walks home by himself after waiting for the rest of the students to trickle out of the building, the strange feeling of dread and embarrassment, horrible exposure following him around. A day hiding in toilets and libraries was easier than he thought it would be, but he feels ashamed of it. Even when he doesn’t know what he has to hide from, he hides, making everything out of nothing. 

What was wrong with him?

 

Walking out of the gate, Hoseok sighs sadly, frustrated at himself, but stops when he walks towards the wall bordering the path out of college. There’s someone sat on it, and for a painful second Hoseok’s leaping heart convinces him it must be one of the two, Kihyun or Changkyun demanding to know where he is, when Jooheon turns and spots him.

The disappointment is overshadowed quickly by weariness, but mostly Hoseok feels tired.

All of the dread and the shame and anxiety of the day suddenly exhausts him, and the last thing he needs is other people’s problems, because he has enough of his own, and the pleading look Jooheon is giving him is enough to tell him something is going to be asked of him.

“We thought someone should wait and see if you were alright.” Jooheon starts, shuffling a little awkwardly as he stands, not meeting Hoseok’s eye. “I said I wanted to speak with you, so…”

A shaky smile finishes Jooheon’s sentence and Hoseok runs a hand through his hair as he notices how dark it’s getting.

“What do you want, Jooheon?” Jooheon frowns at the words as if they were demanding, but Hoseok’s voice has been one big sigh, his existence a sigh, his resistance a sigh, nothing but air.

“I…” Jooheon fumbled with his watch as Hoseok steps past him, and Hoseok half-expects him not to follow, but he does. “I just wanted someone to talk to.” He admits, and suddenly Hoseok is something solid again. 

“I don’t know if you deserve that much, right now.” Hoseok’s voice is harsh this time, and the other boy meets his glare frantically.

“I know that, I know, I just-” shaky breath “I just needed…”

Cursing himself for being so soft, Hoseok is won over a little at the frustration in his voice. It sounds like remorse.

“What do you want to talk about?” He asks as Jooheon is wordless, and the glance he gets is surprise and relief that almost makes Hoseok regret his acceptance. He hears Changkyun whimper as he looks at the other boy, and he doesn’t think this will ever change.

“Kihyun.”

It makes Hoseok scoff, cruel, and Jooheon presses forward as if he’d expected the incredulity, Hyungwon almost certainly acting the same way this morning. 

“You need to let this go, Jooheon.” Hoseok says, shaking his head.

Jooheon stutters, desperate. “B-but-”

“Let it  _ go. _ ”

“Listen to me!” Hoseok does this time, if only because of the volume in Jooheon’s voice. The other boy was loud usually, but not insistent, not serious. “There’s stuff that you don’t know about him, Hoseok.”

 

It’s the truth that Hoseok had been pushing away whenever Kihyun got closer to them, to him, and so much bitterer because of his knowing it.

 

The force of it makes him stop, breath shallower in his anger, as if Jooheon had hit him. 

Hoseok’s eyes are fiery when he spits out words.

“And you know so much about him?”

Immediately, Jooheon shakes his head. But it’s not in refusal. “He’s already started winning you all over, hasn’t he?” 

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“This is what he does!” Jooheon draws back at the desperation in his own voice, running shaking hands through his hair in frustration. Calmer, he continues. 

“You weren’t here two years ago, you didn’t know him then. But everyone here knows how he is, he just uses people, Hoseok! Chews them up and spits them out, because it’s so easy for him.”

Jooheon’s reaction tells Hoseok his glare sharpens, but he’s only slightly aware of the anger stirring below his skin. “You’re not making any sense, Jooheon. So he was popular, so what?”

“He wasn’t popular. Everyone knew him, everyone wanted to _ be _ him but no one _ liked  _ him.”

The world around them is in sharper focus as Hoseok processes the words, how they go against every fancy he’d had about Kihyun since they’d met, the broken one that used to be so whole. 

“What?”

Jooheon almost smiles at the blankness of the word. “I didn’t think they would have told you. Hyungwon thought the locker business was Kihyun, remember?”

Hoseok doesn’t have to try and remember, it’s all there for him.

“The guy that had lost it” is what Hyungwon had said.

“He didn’t mean Kihyun was different. He’s always been like that. Crazy. But perfect at school, that much is different now at least. Outside of school no one wanted to get on his bad side- I heard he put someone in the hospital once!”

The coldness in Kihyun’s voice when he had heard about Hoseok’s fight, his casual ‘so?’, threaten to persuade him, but Hoseok still can’t find acceptance amongst the emotions overwhelming him.

“Did you know him?”

Jooheon scowls. “No.” He admits, and there must have been some smugness in his expression because Jooheon’s expression twists again. “But that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you guys! I know what he’s like, Hoseok. I didn’t know him” Jooheon’s words are begging to be trusted now, painted in desperation “Shownu did.”

Hoseok is knocked silent.

“What?” Is all he can manage to whisper, and the strangeness in his voice is so close to devastation that Jooheon’s anger leaves in a rush, in a sigh that calms his voice to clipped syllables.

“Look. Shownu was the one who saw Kihyun put someone in the hospital. He was the one who knew him. He told me all about him, and you can’t trust him, Hoseok. He’s trouble.”

Shownu. He’d babysat Jooheon years ago, and the two were still close. But Hoseok had never even met the older boy, and the others had only met with him a few times too.

“Why should I trust Shownu?”

“Why wouldn’t you? You seem to trust Kihyun enough, and you’ve only just met him.” The bite to the words is fair, because it really had been such a short time since Kihyun had first spoken to him, but it makes Hoseok want to bite back, too.

“I trusted  _ you _ , Jooheon, thought I knew  _ you _ , but I was wrong to, wasn’t I?”

The venom in his words throws Jooheon back a step, but his expression grows angrier and angrier as they sink in. 

“So you trust him more than me? Let me guess” there’s a smile grazing his lips now, sharp and cruel and cutting “you think you could tell him anything. When you met him you thought that it had never been this easy to talk to anyone. That’s it, isn’t it?”

That was it. Word for word. 

Unease wraps its way around him, and it must be obvious, Hoseok aware that he’s almost holding his breath where he stands, and Jooheon’s cruel smile shows itself.

“You didn’t think, not even once, that it was strange how easy it was, to open up to him? It’s always like that with him, Hoseok. Always. Until you say something he doesn’t like and he shows his true colours.”

Suddenly Jooheon is looking around him in the darkness, glancing at his watch. A sigh that tells him he thinks Hoseok is a lost cause.

With one last level look he starts to turn away.

“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”


	17. Talk, Talk, Talk

Hoseok wakes up without remembering his dream, but on his way to school it all comes back to him. 

Minhyuk hadn’t waited for him in the spot he normally does, and even though Hoseok is still unsure whether he can face his friends again it makes him anxious.  
Though they’d known each other a short time, Minhyuk had already become a constant Hoseok could rely on, and it’s because of him that Minhyuk isn’t here anymore. It had been a week since Jooheon had spoken to him, and Hoseok hadn’t seen any one of them since.  
He’d been ill the passed few days, and he had been relieved, with an excuse to sleep and ignore everything, but he knew how it would look to the others. He’d already avoided them all the last day he’d been in school, so it must seem like he was just avoiding them now, too.

It’s as he walks out of his street in the cold sunlight that these worries are broken with the memory of the dream.  
When he's stressed Hoseok always has strange dreams, so close to reality but nonsensical in a way only dreams could be. This time it had been of Kihyun, but he hadn’t looked like Kihyun. He’d looked like Changkyun, sharp features softening into the younger boy's, bubblegum hair tinted sandy blonde at the tips. They’d been bent over a sink, running a pale hand under water, but then they’d looked up, and the face in the mirror they found themselves looking at showed Hoseok his own face.

It meant nothing, he knew that.  
Hoseok had never been overly superstitious, never placing any significance in his dreams, but they always managed to follow him around for a while afterwards.

So when he sees them all sat on the wall bordering the school gates, Changkyun’s hair looking a little pinker in the early sunlight, Kihyun’s sharp expressions hard to spot, Hoseok stops in his tracks, sucking in a shaky breath.  
They spot him as he’s deciding whether to turn away, and the four of them stand at the same time- Jooheon’s not with them, Hoseok notices, and he thought he would be conflicted about this, but he feels nothing.  
“Hoseok.” As he approaches Hoseok sees Changkyun’s expression, an odd look in his eye, as if he hadn’t meant to speak but couldn’t help himself. His voice was normal enough, not flat like Hoseok had dreaded, but in the silence that follows it floats over their heads.

Eventually, Hyungwon sighs. “Are you OK?”

Hoseok knows it’s all he’ll ask, despite the hungry look in Minhyuk’s eyes, the concern in his eyes softer than the annoyance in his posture, his hands clenched at his sides, his small frown.

“Yeah. I just haven't been feeling well.” Is all Hoseok can think to say as they turn towards the school building, and his voice is foreign to his own ears, distant, reminding him of hospital rooms and white walls and emptiness- maybe he wasn’t feeling well, yet.

Hyungwon nods in front of him, not turning around, and Hoseok feels a spike of worry for a moment, pulse jumping, before Minhyuk is beside him, nagging about all the work he needs to catch up on, the group project he missed, how boring it had been without him.

And even though Hoseok is hyper-aware of Kihyun toeing the line between distant and close, hovering just at the edge of the group, they rewind back to how they were before.

 

At lunch, sitting at the table with them again, reality is still in check. It almost seems surreal to Hoseok, after days in bed worrying and worrying over returning to them, except there’s an empty spot Jooheon usually fills. Kihyun catches him glancing at the chair for a moment, before sitting at it, strangely bold. He starts talking immediately, as if he’d sat opposite them for an age, but Hoseok doesn’t miss the way his eyes swipe to his mid sentence, watchful.

When the conversation simmers down, he can’t help himself any more.  
“Where’s Jooheon?”

As expected, they can’t hold their surprise- everyone except for Kihyun that is, who looks down at the tray of food he hasn’t touched yet with an empty expression. Hyungwon clears his throat, shuffling where he sits. 

“We haven’t saw him since he spoke to you.” Minhyuk nods, and Changkyun joins in, but none of them look up at each other, and all Hoseok can think to do is nod back.

Kihyun stands quickly enough for Hoseok to jump. “I’m gonna step outside for a bit.” 

He’s already shaking the pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket as he leaves the table, tray still full, and suddenly Hoseok needs air, as if Kihyun stole all the oxygen away and took it away with him, so he stands too.

“I think I’m going to go for a walk.”

Concern immediately flickers alive in Minhyuk’s glance, and he looks at Hoseok properly for the first time, the close look just adding to the overwhelming sense of restlessness suddenly in Hoseok’s bones. “D’you want me to come with you?”

He must notice the trace of anxiety in Hoseok now- restlessness was always a bad sign, in that respect- but when Hoseok shakes his head with a small smile he doesn’t argue. Hoseok doesn’t think he’s anxious right now, but his thoughts are too jumbled up to tell for sure.

 

Smoke is the next thing he remembers. 

Of course this is where he’d end up, he thinks, suddenly rounding a corner in a daze and waking up as the smoke hits his face.  
“Do you need me for something?”

Kihyun’s clear voice comes from the shade and the boy steps away from the wall he was leaning against. He squints a little as the light hits him, pale in the sun, as a cold wind ruffles their jackets, twirls through their hair.

“I just wanted some air.”

Instead of answering Kihyun drags on the cigarette, holding his breath for a second before releasing it, grey with smoke.  
They’re in the same place they’d met, when Hoseok had spilled out his life story to a complete stranger, and the smell of smoke only heightens the Deja vu. Hoseok looks out at the grass, shuffling on his tiptoes, restlessness gone as uncertainty fills him. He doesn’t know if he wants to be here.

“Are you worried about Jooheon?”  
Just as he had convinced himself to leave.

Hoseok puts his back to the wall and looks over at Kihyun, sharp profile shining in the light as he stamps out the cigarette.  
“Yeah…”

Pink hair falls over Kihyun’s face as he throws his head down, a harsh scoff cutting the air between them. When he raises his head again Hoseok can see the curve of his lips, and they curl around his reply coolly.

“Liar.”

His voice lilts as if he wants to sing the word, and the humour in his expression breaks apart for a second into bitterness, flitting quickly over his features so that Hoseok isn’t sure it had ever been there at all. 

The annoying thing is, he’s right. Again. Hoseok hadn't asked about Jooheon because he was worried about him, as bad as that makes him feel. He’d asked to see whether they’d fought, whether he’d told everyone else what he had told Hoseok.  
The memory of the last time Hoseok had been here with Kihyun makes Jooheon’s voice louder in Hoseok’s head, the warning he’d given grating against him and setting his nerves on fire.

“I’m not lying.”

Kihyun looks over at him this time, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.  
“Really?” The way he speaks makes it clear he won’t believe him no matter what he says, so Hoseok just stays quiet. Kihyun’s eyes flicker between his own and his gaze must be harsher than he realises, because Kihyun looks away and clenches his jaw.

“Fine.” He shrugs. “You don’t need to talk to me.” He doesn’t sound angry or bitter, monotonous with boredom. He shakes out another cigarette quickly, biting down on it as he draws a lighter from his pocket.  
He mutters around the cigarette. “You’ll just lie to me anyway.” 

Is he doing this on purpose?  
This is what Jooheon had told him, wasn’t it? Kihyun manages to talk him into corners so easily sometimes.

“He…”  
Hoseok had already started justifying himself, almost automatically, and he has to stop when he thinks about what Jooheon had told him. Idiot.

Kihyun glances over at him, clear eyes quick, fingers gripping the cigarette between his lips. The drag he takes this time is longer, as he watched Hoseok clamp his lips shut, and the smoke is released on his reply this time, broken with every word as his lips move.

“Really, Hoseok. If you want to tell me, tell me.”  
He wants to cry, with how frustrating this is.

“He told me not to trust you. He was very passionate.”

Having received his answer, Kihyun looks away again.  
Stupid Jooheon.  
Now Hoseok can’t help but second guess everything Kihyun does- is this a normal conversation, or is Kihyun just making Hoseok talk? If he speaks now, will Kihyun look at him again, only to look away with disinterest when he doesn’t tell him everything?  
The silence feels like a substantial thing, solid, a barrier thrown up between them every time Kihyun looks away.

“He said you play with people, make them do whatever you want and then throw them away.”

“I didn’t even know Jooheon.” This time Kihyun’s voice is louder, sharp with anger as he turns suddenly to face Hoseok, holding his arms up at his sides. He didn’t shout, but he wasn’t far off, smoke curling around him from the cigarette held in his outstretched hand as he scowls.

“He said a friend told him.” Automatic again, shaking a little in desperation for Kihyun to believe him, even though he wasn’t lying to him anymore.

Kihyun laughs, indignant, flicking the cigarette out of his fingers. “I don’t need this right now.”

There’s a harsh sound as Kihyun grinds the cigarette into the asphalt.  
He doesn’t look at Hoseok as he walks passed him.

 

Adrenaline. Hoseok takes a breath and tastes it in the air.

“When you broke the bottle that night, the person you saw...” 

The mention of that night is enough to bring Kihyun to a halt, shows scuffing the asphalt as he hits an invisible wall. His shoulders move up and down with his breath, and he turns his head slightly to look at Hoseok over his shoulder. 

“It was Shownu, wasn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been M.I.A for a while!  
> A lot has been happening these past few weeks and I can't find any time to write. I'm posting this early so I'll write more to catch up- there will be a chapter tomorrow to get myself back on track with the schedule of one every Thursday xx  
> \- E


	18. The refrain

It’s colder on the beach than it was the last time Hoseok was here.

Because the light died away hours ago, and the seconds tick by until midnight has passed them quietly and the waves push cold air their way, because the waves whisper the memory of ‘last time’ to Hoseok and he hears Kihyun’s voice in the crash of water on shore, Chankgyun’s soft sighs in the wind that rustles passed his ears.

Neither of them are here this time.  
Just him, and Hyungwon.

He hadn’t called anyone else, he’d said. That was the first thing Hoseok had thought to ask when Hyungwon’s shadow finally showed itself on the sand in front of him, as the boy threw himself onto the sand before Hoseok could twist and look up at him. Just you, he’d said. I don’t want words right now.

They sat like that without moving, the towel Hoseok had remembered to bring providing no protection from the iciness of the sand below them, as Hoseok hears Changkyun in the wind and Kihyun in the waves, as the empty silence leaves them both to their thoughts.

Hyungwon speaks, eventually.

“She’s OK.” Hoseok knows already, he’d explained, but it must be the easiest thing for Hyungwon to say right now, so he says it again. “It just scared me.”

His mother. She’d collapsed when he got home, and he hadn’t been able to wake her.

“She got discharged?” Hoseok asks, though he knows the answer to this too, just wants Hyungwon to say it aloud, put them both at ease.

“Yeah. They said it was just exhaustion.”

The beach had been Hyungwon’s place, in the time before Kihyun. Hoseok remembers this vividly now as the other boy closes his eyes, moonlight on his skin as he shivers, listening to the waves. A spike of guilt hits him, for thinking this place belonged to anyone else, but it’s unecessary. Just Hoseok putting himself down.

“She’ll be OK, Hyungwon.”

There’s a rustle beside him as Hyungwon nods. “I know.”

He sounds calmer now than he had on the phone, smiling at Hoseok when their eyes meet, sighing as he stretches his legs out in front of him and leaning back on his hands.  
“Are _you_ OK?”

Hoseok looks at him, surprised, and Hyungwon smiles a little. “What do you mean?”

“Just-” Hyungwon gestures vaguely with a hand. “do you want to talk about it? The thing that’s on your mind.”

Hoseok laughs quietly. “Is it that obvious?”

“No.” Hyungwon says. “But you’d normally try and get me to talk more. You’ve been quiet.”

The breeze cuts through their jackets and they pull them closer, shivering in the darkness.

“You said you didn’t want to talk.” Minhyuk and Changkyun were better at this than Hoseok, but they comforted with words, with adrenaline, with laughter. If they’d been here they wouldn’t have let Hyungwon sit and be sad for a while.

“I did, you’re right. But I didn't think you’d let me be quiet for so long.”

A glance at his phone shows Hoseok they’d been sat there for an hour and a half. It was almost three in the morning.

Hyungwon laughs at his gasp. “You didn’t think it had been that long, did you?”

“No” Hoseok admits, laughing at himself too. “We should probably get back before we catch pneumonia. School tomorrow.”

He regrets saying it as soon as the words pass his lips, because all he can see is Kihyun walking away from him yesterday, shoulders tense and breath coming faster than it had before. He hadn’t answered, but his reaction to Hoseok’s question was enough. Kihyun had known Shownu. Of everything Jooheon had said that, at least, was true.

As he says goodnight to Hyungwon and watches the other boy walk away he wonders what else was true.

He pulls out his phone.

 

_Are you awake? 03:09_

There’s a small thud as his phone hits the sand, and he shuffles closer to the wall as he notices how close he is to the water, a chill shocking him as his back rests against the frozen stone. A moment later his phone buzzes with a reply.

 

_**Changkyunnie** \- Yeah. Hyungwon just told us_   
_‘bout his mother 03:12_   
_Is there something wrong?_   
_Hoseok? 03:28_

 

_Do you trust Kihyun? 03:29_

_**Changkyunnie** \- Do you? 03:31_

_**Changkyunnie** \- I don’t understand Hoseok_   
_Do we need to trust him?_   
_Why wouldn’t we? 03:33_

 

_Jooheon told me not to 03:37_

He doesn’t get a reply.

 

But Changkyun shows up an hour later.

 

The sun has just broken the horizon, dark sky blending with dawn pink, the waves glistening in dim sunlight as the stars die out.  
“I thought you’d be here.”

Hoseok turns around so fast he almost falls off the wall he’s curled up on, towel wrapped around his shoulders like a blanket to block the wind.  
Changkyun is smiling softly, bundled in a heavy black jacket and scarf, with the gentle sunlight hitting his face.  
Hoseok looks away.

“I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep.”

There’s a scraping noise as Changkyun sits on the wall and swings himself around to face the water. “It’s really bothering you that much?”

There’s something in the words that hint at another question Hoseok really doesn’t want to answer right now, and Changkyun is sitting very still next to him, as if any noise would scare Hoseok away like a deer caught in headlights.

“I just don’t know where we stand with him, that's all.” Hoseok doesn’t want to say ‘I’. He already feels as if Changkyun has him under a microscope, with no idea what he will see.

“I never expected Jooheon would lie to us.I still...want to believe him.”

Though Hoseok watches for Changkyun’s reaction to this, the other boy only nods.

“I know.” He smiles as another thought occurs to him, leaning closer to bump their shoulders together before leaning away “And I know how protective you can get.”

There’s a small silence broken by the waves where Hoseok realises the wind has died down.

“But” Changkyun starts and stops just as quickly, drawing a long breath. “I also know that if you didn’t think you could trust Kihyun, you would have told him to stay away after Jooheon spoke to you.”

When Changkyun meets Hoseok’s eye he offers a small smile, a warmth behind his eyes. He’s right, Hoseok knows.

“But you seem to like him.”

It’s a simple statement, clearly meant to end the conversation, and neither of them acknowledge exactly how Hoseok liked Kihyun.  
Hoseok feels his stomach flutter with nerves as Changkyun spins himself back around again and stands the other side of the wall.

“You should go home now, Hoseok. Haven’t got long before school starts.”  
Hoseok doesn't quite feel at ease, but he's almost there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It literally took me a day to fuck up again... i'm so dissapointed in myself.


	19. Rocket science

  
  
  


  
  
  


Kihyun had skipped so many chemistry lesson that Hoseok had forgotten they were supposed to be lab partners.

It’s even more surprising to see Kihyun with his head resting on his hand, stretching out on their desk, considering the last time they’d spoken. Hoseok had asked about Shownu, but he hadn’t gotten an answer yet. They did know each other, somehow. Kihyun wouldn’t tell him though, Hoseok was almost certain.

 

There’s no awkwardness when Kihyun spots him, Hoseok dropping his backpack as he pulls himself up onto the stool next to the younger boy. 

“Good morning.”

Kihyun drops the pen he’d been scribbling with. “Didn’t think you’d make it in time.”

No awkwardness, but it’s cold. If he had to guess, Hoseok would bet money on Kihyun knowing about him being at the beach until so early because Changkyun had told him, but Kihyun’s mood is black today, with the way he’s slouched so low to the desk, the disinterest in his voice reaching his eyes that never find their way to Hoseok.

Hoseok shrugs, ignoring the cloud over Kihyun’s head because he doesn’t know how to address it.

“It’s an easy lesson, I didn’t think I’d be too tired for it.” 

Not only easy, but their work for today was one of Hoseok’s favourite parts of chemistry. He didn’t enjoy all of the equations Kihyun could wrap his head around in a second, or the heavy theory behind everything that came just as quickly, but seeing results instantly, and in a beautiful way, was appealing to him. On a friday morning, the lesson had been planned as an easy recap of a basic principle, with little explanation needed before Hoseok is grabbing safety glasses, samples and a bunsen burner.

Kihyun is sat in the same way when he returns, still doodling heavy dark lines onto his notebook in a geometric design, not bothering to put the glasses on when Hoseok places them in front of him.

He packs the notebook away when Hoseok sets the samples on the desk, plastic circles heaped with a tiny amount of powdered chemical.

“If you set up the burner I’ll go get the labels and a sharpie.” Hoseok offers, and the only reply he receives is a small nod. He refuses to acknowledge the sinking feeling in his stomach.

 

Minhyuk pokes him in the side as Hoseok passes him, already adjusting the flame of his bunsen burner as it glows a bright orange, his lab partner pasting a label with the chemical’s name onto the container it came from.

It really is an easy lesson, Hoseok thinks. It must be almost infuriating for Kihyun, an entire hour of basic chemistry when he could have taught the subject by now- but then, Kihyun hasn’t exactly shown a passion for learning by missing all of the classes to smoke, or whatever the hell he does when he’s not with them.

There’s also the fact that when Hoseok carries the labels and pen back to their desk Kihyun is still trying to attach the bunsen to the gas main.

It’s the first lesson of the day, which means he must have just had a cigarette- there’s a faint smell of it as he ruffles his hair, frustrated- but his hands are shaking too much.

Stepping beside him is like standing next to a live wire, tension sharp like electricity, and Hoseok doesn’t think it would be wise to comment.

But he can’t just watch Kihyun drop the tube again, so He reaches out and slides it out of Kihyun’s fingers.

Before their hands can even touch Kihyun is snatching his away, and the stab of hurt Hoseok feels is shoved aside harshly. He shouldn’t have done that.

“There.” Hoseok speaks to try and dispel the heavy feeling, but it doesn’t change anything. “Now we just need to add a pinch of every chemical to the flame, and label the trays with the chemical name based on the colour of the fire.”

There will never, ever be a chemistry lesson-or any lesson- that Hoseok needs to explain anything to Kihyun, and his rambling is only serving to make him feel ridiculous. The feeling is only heightened when Kihyun doesn’t acknowledge that he’d spoken.

Kihyun at least puts the safety goggles on when Hoseok scoops up the first chemical onto a spatula. They’re huge on him, making his already small face seem tiny, but the way they rest on his high cheekbones stops it looking ridiculous. Not for the first time, Hoseok wonders what Kihyun’s parents must look like for him to have such bone structure.

 

The fire is glowing a bright blue now. Kihyun must have adjusted it when he wasn’t looking, which means he must have been staring for longer than he thought. Hoseok’s eyes fly away from Kihyun as the other boy starts to look at him, and he focuses on the task as hand. Careful not to get too close to the flame with his fingers, Hoseok lowers the end of the spatula into the flame and watches as the solid blue is tinted with yellow, until the flame is glowing a harsh sun-yellow. 

“Yellow, that’s-” Hoseok watches as Kihyun uncaps the sharpie and writes ‘Barium Chloride’ on a label in close-knitted, swirling letters. “Oh. Yeah.”

With an awkward cough Hoseok wipes down the spatula and dips it into another clump of powder. He knew this would have been child's play to Kihyun, but he at least expected a discussion.

The sharpie is already moving before Hoseok places the powder in the flame this time, as Kihyun scribbles an impatient ‘Mg Sulphate’ without bothering to look up as the flame flashes a shocking white.

Alarmingly, Kihyun picks up a tray and holds it up closer to his face.

“What’re you doing?” Hoseok asks, hearing the panic in his voice, but Kihyun just places it back on the desk. The label he gives it a second later reads ‘Copper chloride, and Hoseok can’t help the spike of annoyance he feels when the flame turns green in confirmation when he tests it. 

“How did you know that?” Could he really know that from its smell alone?

Kihyun doesn't even spare him a glance.

“Fine” Hoseok sighs. “You don’t need to talk to me.”

The echoed words draw no reaction from Kihyun, though Hoseok is sure he remembers saying something very similar in their last conversation.

To stop the cloud over Kihyun drifting over his own head, Hoseok focuses on the experiment, as he watches the flame burn pale pink.

  
  


If chemistry was Kihyun making an effort with school, it doesn’t last, because he doesn’t show for physics. Hoseok remembers the first time he’d spotted the pink-haired boy- though with his hood up like it was he didn’t know about the pink hair then- in this lesson and remembers the reason he never shows. Their teacher walks in as if summoned by the thought. He wasn’t Kihyun’s favourite person.

When he notices the empty stool at the front of the class he smiles, almost gloating as he crosses his arms. He doesn’t bother to ask whether anyone knows where Kihyun is though- it’s either obvious to everyone know that Kihyun won’t show, or their teacher just assumes no one cares enough to know where he is. Hoseok wonders if the old Kihyun ever skipped lessons. If he did, he was probably with a crowd.

 

“Hoseok, just a second” their teacher’s looking at him when Hoseok looks up, startled, but he doesn’t sound reprimanding. Papers are held out towards him as the teacher walks over to his.

“I’ve been told you’re lab partners with Yoo Kihyun, so if you could get these to him I’d be very grateful.”

He doesn’t even have time to explain that he has no idea where Kihyun is right now before the heap of papers are hitting his desk and their teacher is thanking him and walking away.

 

Hoseok can’t find Kihyun anywhere, and the others say they haven’t saw him since that morning. Minhyuk looks a little too happy about handing over Kihyun’s number, but it’s the only thing he can do besides wait until monday.

 

_ Hey, it’s Hoseok. Minhyuk gave me this number. _

_ I have school work for you?                                   12:17 _

 

Five minutes of fussing over a text, and this is all Hoseok can come up with.

Dissatisfied, he sends it anyway, even though he’s sure he won’t get an answer.

 

_**Kihyun** \- Just bin it, I’m not gonna do it 13:30 _

 

It comes through the minute Hoseok’s last period ends.

 

_ Haven’t you had enough detentions  _

_ You know they’re thinking of kicking you out of the course 13:32 _

 

_**Kihyun** \- fine with me    13:32 _

 

Hoseok huffs, shoving his books into his backpack with a little more force than necessary.

_ You’re parents are fine with it too?      13:34 _

 

He doesn’t get a reply for a while, and Hoseok is starting to realise mentioning his parents was not the best thing he could have done. Kihyun used to be the model student, and his parents must have been proud, but the reminder of this feels strange, the Kihyun he knows now so different from the one he’s heard about from others. 

 

**_Kihyun-_ ** _ You know wha t, you’re right _

_I’ll text you my address 13:41_

  
  


Hoseok almost drops his phone when he reads the reply. He’d been stood outside the college gates debating whether to just go home, and he never expected Kihyun to invite him to his house, but the address comes through only seconds later.


	20. Wrought Iron

Kihyun’s house is not exactly what Hoseok had been expecting.

The address had been nowhere he knew of- thankfully the taxi he’d managed to call had found it eventually- and it takes him almost an hour to arrive at the gates. Massive wrought iron gates, blocking the way to a wide driveway.  
Hoseok looks down at himself in the mirror of the cab and sees his ruffled hair, looks down at his washed-out jeans and sighs. 

He tries to push aside the uncomfortable feeling as pushes his door shut and hears the asphalt grind under the wheels of the cab, craning his neck a little to look at the manor itself, white brick and pillars being overtaken with ivy that twists around one side of the house.

It isn’t the largest house Hoseok has ever seen, but the grounds around it, and the iron gates behind him, still give him the feeling of a bird trapped in a cage. He wonders dryly if there will be a chandelier, or a foyer, as he walks up to the door.

I’m outside  
Can you come let me in? I don’t think I’m strong enough to open your door myself 15:15

Just as the text goes through the door swing opens, but instead of Kihyun there’s an older man Hoseok doesn’t know, smiling politely, white button down and black slacks enough to identify him as an employee.

“Can I help you?”

At least he seems kind, because even though it must be clear that Hoseok is freaking out he waits and smiles politely still.  
“Uh- Does Kihyun live here? I’m a friend of his.”

“Hoseok!”

The older man steps aside at the voice, so they can both watch Kihyun come down the hall towards the door. He looks- different. 

He doesn’t slouch like he normally does, and the hoodie he normally wears has been replaced with a black button down that makes the colour of his hair even brighter. But the biggest difference is the smile.  
“It’s OK, Hyunsik, he’s a friend.” 

Hoseok can’t help but stare as the older man nods simply an leaves them in the doorway, because Kihyun never smiles this big, and there isn’t really a reason for him to be so happy now, is there? He can’t be this excited just because Hoseok arrived.

He’s right, because when Kihyun turns back to face him the smile’s almost gone.  
“Want me to show you around while you’re here?”

Hoseok had been expecting a curt hello as Kihyun took the papers and then a curt goodbye, so he finds himself nodding at the unexpected question.  
“I didn’t know you were rich.”

Kihyun doesn’t seem annoyed at the comment, but Hoseok can’t help but think that it was the wrong thing to say. Something about the silence that follows is static.  
Eventually Kihyun just sighs, turning and walking through the door without telling Hoseok to follow.

“It’s not my money.” He mumbles dryly, but Hoseok hardly hears it over the clip of their footsteps on the stone beneath them.  
There’s a staircase in front of them leading to the upper level and Hoseok is too busy staring at the chandelier above it to pay much attention to the rest.

Kihyun is leading him forward towards the stairs, Hoseok following mutely behind him as they walk by doors on either side of the corridor. One of them is slightly ajar, Hoseok catching the profile of the man who had opened the door in what looks like the kitchen. 

It’s from there that they hear it, both of them.  
Someone else’s voice in a hissed whisper.  
“The last boy he brought was Hyunwoo, and we all know how that ended.”

Kihyun freezes with one foot above the bottom step and half turns, as if he wants to go towards the kitchen but stops himself. He’s all harsh lines, arm extended in a tense line as his hand grips the bannister, profile sharp in the yellow light.

When Hoseok speaks his voice is breathy with the feeling of all the air leaving the room.  
“I-Uh-I could go, if you want.” 

“No.” Kihyun’s voice echoes loudly, the strange dream-like sound of it only made stranger by the layers of sound as it bounces off the wall.” He starts up the stairs again. “Follow me.”

The stairway twists left and they reach the top, smooth stone of the lobby replaced with dark wood flooring.  
The walls are all white, and Hoseok thinks it would drive him to madness to live in a place so devoid of colour, even if it was beautiful in every other way.  
“My mother owns a law firm.” Kihyun explains as they make their way down a corridor with less doors. “That’s where the money comes from.” 

Despite the feeling that Kihyun is distracting the conversation away from what they just heard downstairs, he indulges in his curiosity enough to be pleased that Kihyun is telling him about himself.  
“And your dad?”

There’s a hint of a sly grin on his face as Kihyun looks over his shoulder to answer. “A journalist.” He twists the sound around enough for Hoseok to know the feelings there aren’t kind ones. He’d already had the feeling Kihyun’s parents would be a sensitive topic.  
With the twist of a doorknob, Hoseok finds himself stepping into a bedroom- Kihyun’s, though it wouldn’t have been what Hoseok imagined his room to look like.

There’s a large bed in the centre, the type with a runner and a hundred different sized cushions like the ones in hotel rooms, with pristine white sheets. The runner, pillows, and curtains are blue, and the window must have been open for a while now, because as soon as they enter the room Hoseok is shivering.  
Kihyun looks over at him rubbing a hand over his arms to warm them and hums thoughtfully, walking over to slide the window shut, and Hoseok tries not to stare too much at the way these new clothes fit him so well, so unlike the baggy clothing he always wore to school.  
His frame is even smaller than Hoseok had thought, and without shoes Kihyun looks petite in a way Hoseok is almost jealous of.

When Kihyun turns back around to him Hoseok averts his eyes suddenly, clearing his throat as he shifts his backpack off his shoulders to bring out the homework.  
“He said these would be easy for you, so…”  
Kihyun hardly looks at the papers as he takes them and places them on the desk beside them. 

The level look he gives Hoseok makes him feel trapped, despite the door laying open a few feet behind him. It’s clear he’s not going to talk, which means he must want Hoseok to say something.

Hoseok supposes that if he just asks the question his thoughts had all circled back to then it might be the thing Kihyun wants from him.  
“Hyunwoo- that’s Shownu’s real name isn’t it? Shownu’s a stage name.”  
In response Kihyun turns his back, walking over to sit leaning back against his hands on the bed.

“We were very close.” Kihyun dips his head, adding “For a time.”

For something to do Hoseok sits on the desk chair. “And then?”

“And then we weren’t” Kihyun shrugs, but there’s a spark behind his eyes that doesn’t match his nonchalance. “I moved town, we didn’t talk. Just drifted apart.”

“You’re back now.” The side of Kihyun’s mouth twitches downwards in irritation, but still he seems calm.

“‘Drifted apart’ was a euphemism. I don’t want to see him.”

“Why? What’d he do?” 

Kihyun rolls his eyes and sighs heavily, collapsing onto his back on the bed.  
“I’d rather not talk about this.”

Nodding even though Kihyun is still staring up at his ceiling, Hoseok crosses his arms over his chest.  
“OK, what-”

There’s someone at the open door, grabbing the handle so it creaks. “Dinner’s-”  
The girl’s eyes widen as her voice dies out in surprise, flickering from Kihyun who’d rose onto his elbows on the bed and Hoseok, who’d been shocked into jumping out of the chair.  
“Who’s this?” The girl must be a little older than them, and looks so much like Kihyun it must be his sister. Her features aren’t quite as sharp, and her long hair is a deep brown, but her eyes are the same.

“A friend.” There’s a cutting edge to Kihyun’s voice that draws Hoseok’s eyes away from the girl, and he sees Kihyun is almost smiling, expression dark and almost challenging.

The girl at the door bristles. “Well dinner’s ready, so say your goodbyes and come downstairs before dad gets here.”

She’s gone as soon as she finishes speaking, and there’s a moment of silence where Kihyun glares holes into his floorboards, before he stands and brushes down his clothing.  
“I’ll show you out, then.”


	21. 3 States Of Falling

Hoseok wakes up the next morning and is sure he’s imagined the whole thing.

It had felt so surreal to be in Kihyun’s house, and he still isn't sure whether it was how different the place itself was from anything he’d seen before, or whether the surreal feeling was from walking through old Kihyun’s life, not the new one’s. Something about the memories seem off- Kihyun doesn’t seem to fit, a broken jigsaw piece that can’t find a place in the full picture.  
His phone vibrates on the dresser near his bed and he’s jolted from his thoughts.

_**Changkyunnie-** I’m boooooored_  
_Look at your texts dammit 10:16_

Hoseok sighs as he throws his covers over his head, blinking away sleep as he scrolls through Changkyun’s texts.

_**Changkyunnie-** You awake yet???? 10:01_  
_Guess not 10:07_  
_Wakey Wakey Hoseok_  
_I’m bored come on 10:11_  
_I’m boooooored_  
_Look at your texts dammit 10:16_  
_Oh you’ve saw them_  
_Good morning Hoseok!! 10:17_  
_I’m outside, come out 10:17_

 

Hoseok chuckles softly as he reads, hearing his phone vibrate again and again as he forces himself out of bed and into the shower, scrubbing at his skin quickly and throwing on clothes in record time before scrambling down the stairs. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for them all to do this, because they lived so close to each other, but when Hoseok throws his front door open and spots Changkyun on his driveway he realises why the younger boy had been so insistent today. There’s snow everywhere, and Changkyun loves cold weather, he can’t sleep when it’s cold he needs to be outside. Especially when it’s snowing.

Hoseok lets out a shocked laugh as he swings his door shut, taking a step onto his driveway and feeling the snow blanket his feet. He’s too busy looking down at the perfect white below him to realise Changkyun has been awfully quiet, and he looks up just in time to see the snowball come flying towards his face.

“AGH!” It hits him on the forehead and he shrieks again, feeling the coldness of it through his hair.

Changkyun giggles up at him.“It’s snowing!”

Hoseok makes a show of wiping snow off of his face as he replies. “Yeah, I noticed.” Changkyun laughs off the sarcasm in his voice and kicks up snow, giggling. As it falls around him his grin stretches across his face, eyes bright - it’s the youngest Hoseok remembers him looking in ages. The joy is contagious, and Hoseok feels it follow him on his way across his driveway to Changkyun, like a shadow.

“How long have you been awake for?” Hoseok asks, noticing the energy coming from Changkyun- an odd, tell-tale sign that he’d had next to no sleep.

“The snow started at 3 this morning” Changkyun replies as if it wasn’t strange at all, still grinning as they start walking through the snow.  
It’s thick below their feet, so much so that they can’t discern pavement for road, and lies heavy on branches above them, clings to bushes.  
Hoseok notices one of the larger trees their about to walk under, its low-hanging branches painted white with the weather, glistening in the brightness.

Trying not to smile too much and give it away he waits until Changkyun is just below one of the branches, and then jumps. When his fingers graze the coldness of a branch he yanks it downwards, leaping away just in time to see the mountain of snow cascade down on top of Changkyun.

“Hoseok!” The younger boy squeals, hands scrunched up cutely at his face in shock, and Hoseok cooes and chuckles at the snow on his shoulders, in his hair, everywhere.  
“Mean.” He pouts, but Hoseok only laughs more when he ruffles his hair, sending snow in every direction and shivering as the cold seeps in.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist” Changkyun gives him a small smile as Hoseok steps up to him, sweeping snow off his coat apologetically.

They’re a little closer together when they resume walking, but Hoseok tries not to notice.

“So” Changkyun sings, “I hear you went to Kihyun’s house yesterday.” Though there’s a sly note to his voice as he watches for Hoseok’s surprised expression, Changkyun is quiet in a careful way. He seems weary of Hoseok, now.

“Where exactly did you hear that?” Hoseok asks, avoiding the younger boy’s watchful eyes. He doesn’t know where this is going, or where he wants it to go. Actually, he knows he doesn’t want to talk about this. It makes his pulse frantic. It feels like guilt.

“Kihyun told me.” Every urge to hide his reaction is thrown aside as Hoseok stops.

His voice sounds strange to himself, so even and calm, as if he was bluff “You two seem to be getting along.”  
Hoseok’s stomach churns at the light pink that dusts Changkyuns cheeks at the statement.

“It was you he invited over, not me” he points out quietly, and Hoseok nods.

“It was definitely unexpected.” Hoseok admits. “Why did he tell you about it?”

Changkyun laughs softly, but it’s half-hearted, still careful. “He thought he’d upset you.”

There’s a beat of silence- Changkyun turns his face up towards the snow. “Upset me?”

In an instant Changkyun’s turned so they’re stood in the snow, the reflection lighting eyes that were always so bright anyway. “Did he?”

Almost without thinking, Hoseok shakes his head. Tension seems to leak out of the stiff set of Chankgyun’s shoulders, posture relaxing, but he doesn’t really look happy with the answer.  
Mistaking his mixed-feelings with disbelief, Hoseok frowns his way through an explanation. “I didn’t- well- He did ask me to leave-” Changkyun looks at him sharply “but it was no big deal! His sister said dinner was ready, so..” When he notices Changkyun isn’t attentive his sentence trails off.

“I didn’t know he thought about things like that” Hoseok mumbles, and though he hadn’t meant to say it Changkyun hears.

“Of course he does,” Changkyun laughs his words, his smile bitter. At Hoseok’s reaction he softens, the smile losing all of its venom, his voice a breath that Hoseok hardly hears over the falling snow. “Of course he worries about that, Hoseok.”

The atmosphere is heavier than before, and Hoseok ruffles his hair to dispel his awkwardness. Why did it get like this whenever they talked about Kihyun?

He gives a smile that he hopes looks genuine. “Well, I’m fine. There was no need to worry.” Even though the snow has soaked through the canvas of his shoes he kicks it up as he walks, if only for something to do as a distraction.

 

“What was it like?”

“I don’t know.” Hoseok sighs. “His house is huge, but it feels like no one lives there. He has a doorman and everything.”  
A dubious look is all he gets. “I’m being serious!”

Changkyun laughs. “A doorman? Why would they need a doorman?”

“I don’t know! Maybe they just get a lot of visitors!”

At Hoseok’s words Changyun shakes his head, still laughing. “You didn’t embarrass yourself did you?”

“Wha-Hey!” Hoseok tires to kick a pile of snow towards the other boy, but it’s so thick his leg slows down when it hits it, knocking him off balance enough that he slips.  
“Careful!” Changkyun reaches out at the last second and tugs Hoseok towards him away from the snow pile.

Hoseok’s heart jumps more when he realises their position than it had when he’d started falling. He’s tucked against the  
younger boy's chest, only realising when he looks up to see his face so close to the other boy's. Changkyun drops Hoseok's wrist at the same instant Hoseok steps away.

He can’t bring himself to look at Changkyun as he hears him cough awkwardly.  
“Are you OK?”

Three’s a dark laugh from behind them.

“Oh, I’m fine-” a clear voice says- “but-do you guys want some space, or..?”  
It’s Kihyun, looking out of place in the snow with the same thin black hoodie, the hood pulled over his hair and littered with white from the snowfall.  
He’s smiling at them knowingly, sly, raised eyebrows sharpening his features, but the first thing Hoseok sees isn't his expression, it's his eye. Black and blue.


	22. Confession

“Kihyun” Changkyun breathes, and Kihyun smiles a little as he looks down at the snow beneath them unable to meet his concerned gaze.   
The breeze across his eye looks so fresh Hoseok half expects it to bleed. On his pale skin, and lit so brightly by the white of the snow, the colour stands out horribly.

“I deserved it” Kihyun laughs, and Hoseok surprises himself by chuckling.

“I don’t doubt that.” Both of the other boys are surprised too, looking at him with wide eyes as he feels his cheeks warm with pink, but it doesn’t take long before Kihyun’s lips are pulling up into an amused smirk. Changkyun rolls his eyes at them and Hoseok feels a spark of fondness.

“Did you need something?”   
He had meant to ask what Kihyun was doing in their neighbourhood, so far from home, but his phrasing seemed more hostile.

Kihyun looks up at him wryly through his eyelashes as if he senses the mistake.

“I don’t know” he admits, and perhaps the look had been a cover of bashfulness, because he looks everywhere except their faces, and the openness of his words seems closed off, every word chosen carefully in the pretence of indifference. If Hoseok thought about it, he would realise he was beginning to read Kihyun better.

“I started walking and kind of just... found myself here.”   
There’s an awkwardness after his words as they all ignore their significance.   
Neither knows which door Kihyun would have found himself at, had they not been together when   
Kihyun had found them, but both of them are thinking it would have been the other.

“Wai-did you walk all the way here?”   
The begrudging look Hoseok receives in answer makes it clear Kihyun had been hoping he wouldn’t ask this question. Suddenly the fatigue in his posture is clear to both of them- they notice the way Kihyun’s usual slump is even lower than normal, how his arms hang at his sides so loosely, the heavy weight of his stance.

“D’you want to go inside” Changkyun asks, but Kihyun stiffens, sniffing to cover it and failing. There are words balanced on his tongue, and he fears opening his mouth lest they all tumble out at once, far too many heavy words he never thought he would give to others.

Finally, after Hoseok and Changkyun share countless concerned glances as Kihyun stares into the snow long enough for the reflected light to dot his vision with sunspots, he settles on keeping his words simple.  
“I want to tell you everything.”

He looks up suddenly with new bravery in his eyes, at each of them in turn, so they know he addresses both of them.

“I’ve never wanted to tell anyone everything before.” His clear voice is pressing, and his gaze flits only between their faces. Whatever he wants to tell them is important, and he needs them to know that. Hoseok feels his pulse jump as Changkun shuffles in the snow.

“Before-” the way he says the word makes it clear he’s talking about before he left, the past Kihyun they’d heard so much about, the one Hoseok has only seen flashes of- “I wanted people to know, but I didn’t want them to know everything. Just a version of events, the best parts. And then I left and I realised I didn’t want to be like that anymore. I wanted to push people away at first because of what happened but...I can’t stand it anymore.”

The urgency of the moment presses down on them, and there’s a restlessness to the air that seems to buzz around them. Hoseok’s blood runs in frenzy through his veins, his heartbeat mimicking its agitation -as Kihyun's words settle, things seem to go in slow motion and the pace is unbearable.

Kihyun seems to be finished talking for the moment though, keeping his eyes on them as he scans their faces for reactions, keeping himself in place with an immense effort against his desire to flee.

Changkyun sees the hard set of his jaw and the unnatural brightness of his eyes, as if half mad in self-consciousness. Kihyun had never spoken about his life before- both of them realise that this is an opportunity that, once rejected, will not arise again.

“Tell us, then.”


	23. Version of Events

“I-” Kihyun’s voice breaks off when he looks from Hoseok to Changkyun, and his eyes seem shiny in the bright light. His eye has started to swell, but he doesn’t seem to notice. And then in a whisper. “I can’t.”

He raises his hands in a shrug and they’re shaking, the tears collecting in his eyes all the more ready to fall as he stares at the ground. The unknown story on the tip of his tongue is making him look so devastated, but he’s still not telling them.

“Kihyun.” Changkyun’s voice is soft and he steps towards Kihyun slowly as if approaching an animal. “Why can’t you tell us?”  
Furiously Kihyun shakes his head, hard enough for one lone tear to run down his pale cheek.

“You’ll think differently of him-and-” he sniffles, but looks up t both of them “-and of me.”  
The other boys share confused looks, can’t even begin to understand.

“Would it be that bad?” Hoseok asks, hearing Jooheon’s certainty in his ears as a warning. He’d been told not to trust Kihyun- but he can’t imagine something like this causing a rift between them.

Changkyun, as always, is more convincing, his voice still warm with comfort. “Anything you tell us is better than knowing you have so many secret from us, Kihyun. We want to know you.”

 

A pause as Kihyun shakes and sniffs has Hoseok remembering the car ride to the hospital, the beach- both memories send a pang of nostalgia through him, but he also realise that these were the only other times the three of them had been together. The strangeness of this conversation- both of them showing Kihyun that they care, Kihyun showing that he cares for both of them- had been lost on Hoseok until he remembers the beach and the car, and the other times the conversation between two of them had been steered clear of any mention of the third.

A frown is etched deep into Kihyun’s normally blank expression, and Hoseok realises the strange feeling in the air, how everything seems sharper and time slows and then speeds, is because all of their complicated feelings are out in the open. Something about today is different.

“I-” Kihyun starts and breaks off again, and Hoseok doesn’t realise what he’s doing until he feels his fingers lace with Kihyun’s. Both of the boys look at him in shock, but the shaking fingers don’t make any move to pull away from him.

Kihyun sighs and holds himself up straighter, seeming to shove all of the emotion aside.  
“OK.” He says, an his voice trembles and then steadies, his eyes drier and stronger as he looks from one boy to the other. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” They laugh at the half smirk he gives, the dryness of his humour surfacing setting them more at ease.

“My parents are away- it’ll be warmer inside.”

They nod at Changkyun’s offer and he turns back towards their street, but not before his eyes land on Hoseok’s hand clutching Kihyun’s. It doesn’t seem hostile, the look, but Kihyun pulls away anyway, and they walk in silence towards the youngest boy’s house.

 

Kihyun tells them he’d already iced his eye when Changkyun fusses over it- even though they’re both certain he didn’t.  
“ _Just_ -” Kihyun starts, tone cutting, and then breaks off forcefully and takes a deep breath “-I just need you to sit down now.” He says, as Changkyun blushes with embarrassment at his nagging and nods at the apologetic look Kihyun throws him. “Just… if I don’t get it all out now I don’t think I ever will.”

As Changkyun settles into an armchair opposite the sofa the other two boys perch on, Kihyun’s shaking hands slide through bubblegum curls as he pulls on his hair.  
“OK.” He forces out, but as he continues he can’t meet their eyes.

“Shownu and I used to be very close.” Hoseok senses Changkyun frown, as if confused as to why the story would start here, but all he himself feels is dizzy with nerves. “Before I left last year, everyone knew we were practically inseparable, and that didn't really change when things first started to- to go downhill. I- I was” Kihyun huffs in frustration and his voice is sharper when he finds the words “I was having trouble at home, with my parents. We weren’t getting along- we still don’t- and Hyunwoo suggested a party to take my mind off of it.”

When Kihyun finally finds the courage to drag his eyes from the floor he sees the other boys completely immersed, both looking straight at him with serious expressions. For a moment, he falters, looking at the openness they give him, but he’s started now. He needs to do this, for them.

“We went to parties all the time, the two of us, so it was nothing special, but…” Kihyun sighs, and its full of regret that sets deep into the other boys’ bones and itches to be gone. “I wasn’t getting on with my parents, so we hosted it at my house.” Sensing Hoseok’s curiosity he turns to him for a second. “The same one you visited.”  
Hoseok already knew it had to be that house though, because he hasn’t been able to forget the whisper of the doorman as they passed.  
_Hyunwoo...We all know how that ended._

“Believe it or not, we were popular. Our year and the year below us at school came to the party, and I was sure not to warn any of them not to cause any damage. I didn’t care at that point. And _then_ -”  
Hoseok notices Kihyun’s eyes have strayed to the floor again, but he thinks he can just make out the unnatural glisten of tears in his eyes, and his pale skin looks pink with shame.  
“-I got drunk, and I got in a fight. I can’t even remember what it was about now, but it was a friend that I had been pretty close too. Shownu stepped in and...well he shoved the guy away from me.” Kihyun looks at them levelly with a smile full of sadness. “His head hit a vase and it smashed. He was in a comma for a month, before he recovered.”  
The air around them is more soundless than normal, Hoseok thinks. As if the only thing existing is the three of them and the story, a living thing in front of them sucking the oxygen from the room.

“I was taken out of school the next day. I think we only came back because Hyunwoo graduated.”

It feels like hours, the time that stretches out at the conclusion of Kihyun’s story, and none of them so much as shuffle in their seats.

At last, Changkyun clears his throat.  
“Your eye” he points to his own and Kihyun raises shaking fingers to touch the bruise formed at his eye, as if he’d forgotten about it. “Who did it?”

“Oh. Forget about it” he waves through the air, dismissive. “It was my own fault, anyway.”

They both want to push him on the subject, Hoseok knows, but Kihyun’s smiling as if it was nothing, and he gets the feeling that neither of them want to push Kihyun too far after he’d revealed so much to them, things he hadn't told another soul.

So they sit in the silence.


	24. Walking on eggshells

“I should go.” 

Kihyun looks tired, weighed down with the empty dimness of the room where no one had thought to turn on lights, with the vibrancy of the snow outside all gone.

The other boys nod, because the shadows throw a haze over their thoughts that makes them slow, unable to think of what to do with a Kihyun that looks so broken.  
“Me too” Hoseok says, making any excuse to move from the room’s heavy atmosphere “my parents will be wondering where I am.”

Changkyun nods, even though he must know that Hosek's parents aren’t the reason he’s leaving. They stand up at the same time, Changkyun hovering on his side of the room. “OK, then. I’ll see you at school.” He smiles, and Hoseok has to admire him for his efforts, because Kihyun has already stepped out of the room, and they hear the front door open.  
“Bye, Changkyun.”  
Hoseok hurries after Kihyun and almost slips on the slush left behind by the snow.

 

“Kihyun, wait up!”  
Kihyun turns around as if he was surprised to see Hoseok following him, but he does stop.  
Hoseok walks carefully to stand so they’re facing each other, already outside of Changkyun’s sight thanks to the fast pace Kihyun had set.

“Thank you.” Hoseok breaths, a little out of breath, the cold air stinging his throat as he gulps it down. “For telling us-” he gestures vaguely in the air, bashful under Kihyun’s gaze “-everything.”

Kihyun smiles wryly and looks down at his feet, nodding. When he looks up again Hoseok can see a little of the Kihyun he knows in him, in the quirk of his lips set in a smirk, eyes brighter. “You don’t look as put off as I thought you would.”

Hoseok feels his stomach leap and tries not to let it show. It’s as direct as Kihyun has been with him.  
“Yeah, well.” Hoseok shrugs to feign nonchalance. “I told you about the boy in my other school. I’m in no position to judge you, Kihyun.”

For some reason hearing his name snaps Kihyun out of the temporary good mood he’d had when they’d left Changkyun’s. His smirk is gone, replaced by an annoyed frown. Hoseok, not for the first time, feels like he’s always walking on eggshells around Kihyun.

“At least the boy in your story did something to deserve it.” He mutters darkly.

Overwhelmed by the sudden mood change, Hoseok blurts the first thing he thinks of. “You didn’t do it, though! Shownu did- you can’t forgive yourself for getting into one fight?”

Kihyun scoffs and tears his eyes away, shaking his head in frustration as his hands already start to work a cigarette out of the box he pulls from his hoodie pocket.

“Those things will kill you” Hoseok bites, anger fuelled by kihyun’s attitude, how he scoffs at his ignorance but makes no move to explain why.

Kihyun glares up at him and bites on the end of the cigarette.  
“Don’t even go there” he warns, and his glare is dark enough that Hoseok doesn’t say anything else on the subject.  
After a long drag, Kihyun talks in a more reasoned tone.  
“What’s really got you so angry?”

 

Hoseok looks up in surprise and Kihyun laughs around the cigarette. “What, you think I couldn’t tell? You didn’t follow me to thank me.”  
It’s infuriating, how easy Kihyun finds it to work him out, when Hoseok struggles so much with Kihyun. He’s still trying to convince himself he hates it.

“Fine.” Stubborn, he waits for a moment to make sure Kihyun’s paying attention. From the smirk Kihyun gives him, the flourish of his hand as he takes the cigarette away from his lips, Kihyun knows what he’s doing. 

“Time is money, Hoseok.” He teases.

“You have a lot of both of them, Kihyun.” He hadn’t expected Kihyun to laugh at his dig, but he does. The dryness of his tone had taken himself by surprise, because it sounded like something Kihyun would say.

“I haven’t heard that one before” Kihyun still chuckles a little as he takes a drag. Hoseok knows he must see the softness in his expression though, because he sobers. “What did you want to say?”

“...Was it because of me?” Kihyun’s expression clouds with a frown that clears when Hoseok reaches out to lightly touch the skin below his eye. 

“Oh.” Just like that, his mood is as dark as the smoke curling around his face. “I told you to forget about it.”

Hoseok tries again, voice firmer this time. “Was it because of me, Kihyun?”  
Kihyun gives him an askance look. “Why would it be because of you?”

Uncertain of whether that was meant to sting like it did, Hoseok rises to the challenge.  
“You know I heard the doorman. You’re not supposed to have people over at your house.”

“Boys” Kihyun corrects him, knowing Hoseok had left it out on purpose. “I’m not supposed to have boys over.” Suddenly, he takes a step forward so they’re close enough that Kihyun has to tip his head back to meet Hoseok’s eye.

“Do you know why that is?” Kihyun tips his head to one side. “I think you do.”

Before Hoseok has time to choke out a response, Kihyun is walking away.  
Hoseok releases the breath he'd been holding.


	25. Old Reputations

 

“You know, whenever you ask to hang out now there seems to be a theme to the conversation” Hyungwon says, askance look aimed at Hoseok as they walk to school together as Hoseok had suggested.  
A spike of guilt runs through Hoseok until he remembers the blue bruise on Kihyun’s pale skin and convinces himself he’s just concerned for a friend.

Minhyuk, walking on Hoseok’s other side, giggles.  
”I’m not complaining-” he holds his hands up like a surrender- “I’ll talk about the school’s new bad boy any day.”

Hyungwon shakes his head as Hoseok tries to recover his dignity- Hyungwon was always blunt, but Hoseok hadn’t realised how often they spoke about the other boy until he’d mentioned it.

“He’s not the new boy” Hyungwon corrects, and at least this gives Hoseok an excuse to steer the conversation to where he wants it to be.  
“No, he’s not.” He agrees, and the other boys’ look at him curiously. “But was he always the resident ‘bad boy’?”

Hyungwon snorts, loudly. “ _Yoo_ _Kihyun_? Please, he was more of a teacher’s pet than a bad boy.”

“That’s not true!” Minhyuk leans over Hoseok to slap Hyungwon’s arm as the other boy protests. “He was more like the American sweetheart, you know? The perfect grades, perfect family, loved by all?”

 

Whenever Kihyun is described, Hoseok gets different answers.

To Jooheon he was untrustworthy, manipulative- to Hyungwon he was the swat, snobby and smart. To Minhyuk, who (Hoseok reminds himself) was the only one of the three to be anywhere near close to friends with the old Kihyun, he was the dream, smart but charismatic, lively.  
Hoseok can’t decide which one he sees in the new Kihyun.

Hyungwon doesn’t argue with Minhyuk this time now, though.  
“How well did you know him?”  
There’s the same soft, sad look in Minhyuk’s eyes when he looks at Hoseok in surprise as there was on the day he’d spoken with Kihyun for the first time since his return.

“I told you, we didn’t know each other. I just saw him at a few parties.”

“And? What was he like?” Hoseok urges, and the nostalgia in Minhyuk’s expression lifts a little, no longer as melancholy. He’s smiling a little at the memories now.

“Charming.” He admits. “One of those people that light up every room they step into."

“Popular?”  
They both nod. “Even I could have told you that” Hyungwon mutters.

As they walk through their neighbourhood, hugging their arms towards their chest against the wind, Hoseok frowns, dissatisfied with the information he’d been given.  
“Is everything OK?” Minhyuk, looking at him with concern eyes dragging down to where Hoseok is biting his lower lip in thought.

“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine…”

“Is it hard to believe that he was so popular?” Hyungwon asks, and Hoseok nods because it’s far simpler than explaining, and he doesn’t know if he should tell them what he’s thinking about yet. They chuckle.

“It helps that his parents are loaded” Hyungwon remarks, but it’s not unkind. “But he never used to be so reclusive. A social butterfly if there ever was one. The students liked him because he was nice, and the teachers liked him because he was a straight A student. Pretty clean cut.”

“I think people wanted to be him.” Minhyuk admits, and then looks up with a startled expression. “I mean- they didn’t like him _because_ of that. He just- always knew what to say.”  
That, at least, hasn’t changed.  
So-

“What changed?”

Hoseok doesn’t miss the way the other boys look at each other, sharp and hesitant.  
“He…”” Minhyuk starts, looking for a way out, and Hoseok stops walking so they have to stop beside him.  
“He left” Hyungwon shrugs. “And no one knew where he went.”

His nonchalance seems ridiculous next to Minhyuk’s careful expression, and the way Minhyuk’s gaze glares just to Hyungwon’s left puts Hoseok on edge. They’re both tiptoeing around the question, and trying not to make it show.

The sigh Hoseok lets out turns into an angry grumble halfway through, and his voice is strung with irritation.

“Why won’t anyone tell me?”

Minhyuk, looking startled at the outburst, holds his palms up quickly again. “We don’t know!”  
“We weren’t close enough to him, we only know the rumours.” The end of Hyugwon’s sentence stumbles out as if it was a mistake and Minhyuk sighs.

“You’re going to want to know what those rumours are, I guess?”  
To his surprise, Hoseok finds himself shaking his head.

“I’d rather just know the truth. The rumours wont be true.”

Hyungwon grins at him as they walk again, the school gates coming into view around a street corner. “Probably not.”

“Are we done talking about Kihyun now, then?” Minhyuk says, a rueful smile curling his lips. “Because this wasn’t as fun as I thought it would.”

Hoseok nods and waves the conversation away with a dismissive swipe of his hand, but he isn’t really paying attention anymore anyway. There was only one thing he’d wanted to ask about, and he had.  
So the only problem he had now was Jooheon.

Jooheon who’d told him Kihyun wasn’t who he thought he was, who told him people hated Kihyun.  
Was it true? If it was, then Minhyuk and Hyungwon would be lying.

But if it was false, what else had Jooheon been lying about?


	26. The missing link

Something’s changed about him, Hoseok realises that morning, as he shoves his bag into his dull grey locker without really paying any attention to his movements.

He’s bored with all of the waiting, it grates on him- he's annoyed with himself more than anything, asking and asking about the same thing like a broken record, but every answer he hears seem to contradict one another.  
He hadn’t heard anything from Jooheon in days, and he knows he’s not going to get anything from Kihyun even if he manages to work up the courage to ask any direct questions.

He doesn’t really think about it that seriously, when he finds himself pulling up Jooheon's number on his phone.

_I need to talk to you_   
_Meet me after college? 08:54_

 

He doesn’t even wait for an answer before he’s shoving the phone in the pocket of his trousers and strolling down the hall towards his first lesson, thrilled a little at the sudden boldness in his blood, even though he hasn’t done anything particularly shocking. After weeks of being left out of the loop he feels like even this is progress. At least this time he'd be asking the right questions.

He’s already sat in chemistry when he feels the phone buzz a reply, and Kihyun next to him looks up from doodling in his chemistry book to raise an eyebrow when Hoseok makes no move to check the text.  
It’s not that the message doesn’t install some nervousness in Hoseok- even with his new attitude his phone seems to burn a hole in his pocket- but a small part of Hoseok cherishes the fact that Jooheon must be waiting for his reply right now. That he’s the one with the information for once (at least, that must be how it appears.)

“Are you not going to check who it is?” Kihyun leans in to mumble, but Hoseok just shakes his head, barely taking his eyes from his textbook.  
He’s actually been trying to read the same sentence for the past five minutes, since the books had been handed out, because he just can’t seem to focus on the words.  
Maybe it’s just Hoseok’s imagination, but Kihyun’s stool seems to be awfully close to his own today.

They hadn’t spoken since their chat besides Changkyun’s house, and the memory of Kihyun closing the space between them is still fresh.  
The memory only makes the air between them hotter, Hoseok feeling himself tense as Kihyun rests his arms on the table close to his. It also causes a pang of something close to guilt when Hoseok feels another buzz from the phone in his pocket.

Kihyun sighs, an edge of annoyance in his voice as he speaks without looking away from his page.  
“You’re making me curious, Hoseok.” His eyes flicker up to Hoseok’s. “Who’s texting you?”

Hoseok tries to be as nonchalant as possible.  
“No one.”

“Is it Jooheon?”  
Clearly, he hadn’t been that convincing. The look on his face only confirms Kihyun’s guess.

“Whatever.” The younger boy sighs. Hoseok half expects him to move away, but he doesn’t.  
Kihyun can still feel Hoseok’s eyes on his face after he looks away. He nods towards where Hoseok’s phone is. “Answer it.”

Hoseok takes the phone out of his pocket, careful to keep it below his desk.

_**Jooheon-** About what? 09:05_   
_Let me guess- Kihyun? 09:08_

_Will you meet me 09:09_

_**Jooheon-** fine 09:09_

He’s shuffling his phone back into his phone when Kihyun’s fingers graze his own, sending a spark of heat up his arm. Hoseok tries to suppress his jump as Kihyun tugs his pen out of his hand, rolling his own black one towards Hoseok as he swirls blue ink amongst the black of his doodles.

Hoseok leans towards him, ignoring how embarrassingly loud his heartbeat is in his ears. “Aren’t you going to do any work?”  
Kihyun pouts as he scribbles, as if he was thinking deeply, and then shakes his head.

“No, probably not.” He looks at Hoseok and then exaggerates leaning over to look at the empty notebook in front of the older boy. He smirks a little. “Are _you_?”  
Hoseok is unsure of whether he’s blushing or not, but he is certain the teacher to his left gives him a disapproving look when he laughs aloud.

“Probably. Unlike _some people_ , I need to concentrate to ace the pop quizzes.”  
Kihyun hums, teasing. “Life must be so difficult for you.”

Hoseok forces out a laugh, but the words only stir the memory of the bruise over Kihyun’s eye the last time he’d saw him.  
He shakes it away and tries to focus on the words in front of him.

 

*******

 

“What do you want?” Jooheon asks him, as soon as he’d walked up.

It had taken a while for him to show, and Hoseok had almost convinced himself to forget about it and go home when Jooheon had rounded the corner by the school gate.  
He hadn't replied when Hoseok greeted him, just kept approaching until he stood before the place Hoseok sat on the wall.

Hoseok huffs. “Woke up on the wrong side of bed?”

Jooheon rolls his eyes, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I’m not exactly thrilled to be talking about Kihyun again, Hoseok. I don’t know what else you need to know.”

Hoseok stands as another figure approaches them, an older boy, familiar. He’d been at the party they’d thrown for Hyungwon, before all the mess had began.  
“Shownu?”

Jooheon turns to look behind him, to where Shownu is smiling a little grimly as he walks towards them.  
“I told him to come.” He looks back at Hoseok, his gaze searching as it flickers from one eye to the other.  
“Why?” It startles him, how hard his voice is, but Jooheon seems to have expected it, because he bristles.  
“You want to know about Kihyun but won't talk to the only person that knew him?”

Shownu looks a little sheepish as he catches the end of Jooheon’s sentence, and he stops a little away from them.  
Hoseok tries not to glare at him, but for some reason is finding it difficult. He wills himself to calm down- he’d been friendly with Shownu before, there was no reason for his reaction.  
He just has a bad feeling.

“Why would I trust _him_?”  
Jooheon laughs. “You won’t. You don't even trust me anymore. Why did you even text me?” Jooheon’s squinting at him, frustrated, scorning. “Why do you care _so much_ about this guy you don’t even know?”  
Shownu frowns as Hoseok shuffles from foot to foot.  
“I just want to know why you don’t trust him.” He says, but he knows he isn’t answering Jooheon’s question.

“Do you?” It’s Shownu asking, and Hoseok looks to him in surprise. His expression is hard to read.  
When Hoseok doesn’t answer Shownu nods, sighing.  
“Jooheon told me you’d been asking about him a lot. I can tell you what you need to know.”


	27. Dusk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning!!! Implied mention of self-harm

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

 

It’s confusing, looking at Shownu now. Hoseok had liked him, in a distant way- he seemed warm, but they’d never really met. Hoseok was still the new friend, and Shownu was the old one. Minhyuk told him Shownu had babysit Jooheon when they were growing up.  
“What did he tell you about me?” Shownu asks, and his soft features form a grin that seems little bitter. Hoseok’s weariness mingles with curiosity.

“Not much.” He admits. “That you were close. That you drifted apart.”

Shownu’s smile drops into a more serious expression. “Did he tell you why?”

Hoseok’s heart jumps. “He…” It’s hard to get the words out, especially with how sad Shownu’s expression has become. Hoseok hardly notices Jooheon leave them.  
“He was vague.”  
Shownu doesn’t say anything, just waits with a look that tells Hoseok to keep talking.

“He said you put someone in the hospital.” There’s a sharp intake of breath beside him, and Shownu sits a little straighter.

“He did, did he?” He mutters, more to himself than Hoseok, looking down at his fingers. He looks up with something close to a smile. “Did you believe him?”

Hoseok looks at him for a long moment, but only ends up shrugging. “I don’t know. He has a habit of…”

Shownu studies him curiously when he trails off. Hoseok almost jumps when he laughs. “He hasn’t changed all too much, then. You think he couldn’t possibly know everything you’re about to say, right? It makes you think he’s-he’s manipulative?”  
Hoseok gapes at him.  
“A lot of people seemed to think that when...when we were close too. But- I think this ‘new Kihyun’ has just stopped trying to pretend he can’t see through people. He isn’t a liar.” Shownu frowns. "I suppose- what he told you. It's true."

He gives Hoseok a tiny, sad smile, because he must see the relief that washes over him. It wasn’t the only question he'd wanted an answer to, though.

“Your name's Hyunwoo, right?” Hoseok thinks the older boy winces a little when he asks, but he nods just the same.

“Shownu’s a stage name, but people just call me Shownu now.”

The question has Shownu looking at him strangely, but Hoseok is still uncertain whether to bring up the story of hearing his name at Kihyun’s house. From what he’d told him so far, Shownu didn’t seem to be untrustworthy (it had been surprising, but the only thing he’d said about Kihyun hadn’t been insulting, only the opposite). There’s a sudden warm wind through the chilly air.

“I-...” Hoseok clears his throat. “When I went to Kihyun’s house I heard your name.” He looks over to Shownu before he continues and sees he’s captured his full attention. “One of the servants whispered it. It...didn’t seem like you’d just _‘drifted apart’_.”

He’s wary of asking what happened, possibly because it would be admitting he doesn’t believe Kihyun’s version of events, maybe because he’s scared of the real answer. By Shownu’s grave expression, his dread is well-placed.

“If he finds out I told you all of this, he won’t be happy. You know that, right?” Hoseok forces himself to nod.

And then Shownu’s eyes flicker to the small figure standing behind Hoseok now.

“Hyunwoo?”

They stand, quickly, and Kihyun takes a step back, his face white as snow. For an awful moment, Hoseok thinks he’s going to faint, but his expression quickly hardens.

“Kihyun-”  
“Save it.” Kihyun bites, madder than Hoseok would have thought possible, and his gaze swivels to Hoseok’s.

His smile is sharp as he speaks, cutting. “What’s this? Couldn’t trust me?”

“No, I was just-”

Kihyun cuts him off too. “Just talking to the _one_ person in this town that could spill all my secrets.” He throws up his hands, scoffing. “You expect me to think this is some kind of coincidence?”

“Of course not!” Hoseok’s voice rises, but it’s nothing like Kihyun’s cold anger. It’s full of desperation, and it only fuels the anxiety stirring in his gut to hear it. “I just wanted a straight answer for once, and Jooheon brought him here without me knowing!”

The sound of asphalt scrapes behind him as Shownu takes a step forward. “It’s true, he didn’t take it very well.” When Kihyun’s anger doesn’t soften he fumbles with his jacket, picking it from the stone wall and shuffling on his feet. “I’ll go.”

“Don’t bother.” Kihyun snarls, shaking his head at Hoseok one last time before taking off down the path towards town.

“Kihyun, wait!”

For the second time, Hoseok finds himself running after Kihyun.

 

“ _Kihyun!”_

 

His second yell has Kihyun spinning around to face him, but Kihyun had been walking so fast they’d already turned through two streets.  
The lamps flicker on around them.  
“ _What_ , Hoseok? What now?” Some of his anger has melted away, but the exasperation and betrayal are harder to face than the fury.

Hoseok stumbles.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was going to show up-”

“That’s weak, Hoseok” Kihyun tells him, swatting away the excuse with a hand cutting through the air. “You could have left when you saw him, but you stayed.”

“You’re right, I did, I stayed. I was just-” when he trails off Kihyun crosses his arms, his expression challenging him to continue. “I was just...unsure what you told us was the truth.”  
It should have felt good, to finally say what he was thinking, but it doesn’t. Hoseok only feels the panic.

“That’s funny. Changkyun doesn’t seem to trust it either.”

Hoseok frowns. “He doesn’t?”

“No. He asked me to stay behind with him because he was getting some work done in the library and the conversation seemed a little pointed. He wasn’t as direct as you, though.”

“ _Is it_ true, Kihyun?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Is what true, Hoseok?”

“The story you told us at Changkyun’s house. Is that what actually happened?”

Kihyun’s expression bursts into anger again and he throws an arm over to the school building. “Why don’t you go ask Hyunwoo, Hoseok? Why would you trust my word more than his?”

“I do! I do trust your word-”

Kihyun scoffs in disbelief. “Do you?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Hoseok yells. “But I don’t believe your story. Something happened that you didn’t tell us and you can’t blame us for being curious- we want to know you Kihyun! Is that so hard to understand?”  
Kihyun studies his face for a second, silent, before turning away again, slower this time.

“Kihyun, please stop running away.”  
Hoseok reaches for him, and his grip closes on his wrist, but Kihyun rips it away.  
“Get off!”  
He rips his arm away so quickly Hoseok’s stunned, but the thing that shocks him more is the scar.

The arm of Kihyun's hoodie had slipped up from his wrist as he’d ripped it away, and the white bumpy scar cutting diagonally from one side of his wrist to the other is lit but the dusk light.  
Hoseok gasps, and Kihyun looks confused for a moment until he looks down at where Hoseok is staring and understands.  
“Oh my god” Hoseok breaths. He can feel tears prick his eyes, and he can’t seem to stop staring at the place where Kihyun had held his wrist even when the other boy shuffles his sleeve to cover the scar again.

“Hoseok?”  
Kihyun’s anger is all gone when his shaky whisper sounds. Hoseok can’t focus on anything but the image of the scar in his head enough to realise that his breath was quickening, fast.

“Hoseok, look at me.” Kihyun’s hands grip either side of his face, tilting Hoseok’s gaze up from staring at the ground to looking at his face. “It isn’t what you think it is.”

Hoseok shakes his head and can’t seem to get any words out.  
“It isn’t what you think it is.” Kihyun urges, forcing Hoseok to keep looking at his eyes. “Do you understand? It was an accident, Hoseok.”

Hoseok nods and Kihyun feels relief wash over him when he feels the younger boy release the breath he’d been holding. Hoseok looks so small, shaking in the yellow glow of the street behind him, and Kihyun hates that it had been him that had done this, his actions that had made Hoseok like this.

He can’t find the words, but he needs to apologise.  
So, with his hands still cupping either side of Hoseok’s face, he drags Hoseok’s face down to meet his.


	28. Tracing raindrops

“ _He kissed you?_ ” Minhyuk yells through the phone connection, making Hoseok giggle and blush even redder than he already was.  
“Yeah…”

He feels a little ridiculous, kissing and telling, but he’d been sitting on the secret for an entire day by now, and if he doesn’t tell Minhyuk he’s going to explode. So he’d picked up the phone, giddy even at the thought of Kihyun and not really being all that mad about it.  
Minhyuk, as expected, was excited to say the least.  
“Seoook!” He coos, matching Hoseok’s giggles with his own, and even though he’s alone in his room Hoseok’s burying his face in his hands, feeling the heat of his red cheeks on his palms, as he tosses around under his covers.  
It’s raining outside, and the patter of water against his window can be heard over the soft music floating from the speaker near his bed. It’s crazy, he thinks, how different he feels. Yesterday had been a whirlwind of emotions, nonchalance quickly spiralling into worry, chasing after Kihyun and feeling like a traitor, and then the scar, and his worry, and Kihyun being so soft.

“What was it like, then- spill!” Minhyuk is still yelling at him.  
“It’s embarrassing!” Hoseok groans, and Minhyuk laughs fondly at him.  
Somewhere in the background, there’s another voice mumbling.  
“Hyungwon says congratulations, but also said to tell you that if you start acting lovesick next to him, he’s going to puke.”  
“ _Charming_.” Hyungwon’s responding chuckle is just picked up across the phone connection, and Hoseok rolls his eyes at him, not taking him seriously.  
“What are you two up to?” Hoseok asks.  
“Don’t change to subject, Lee Hoseok!” Minhyuk warns him. “Where are all the juicy details?”  
“Minhyuk, stop” He whines, tortured into endless blushes and giggles, but Minhyuk’s laugh lets him know he was just teasing, and he drops the questioning.

“We’re just doing homework. Well- we were supposed to be doing homework. Hyungwon keeps whining that he wants frozen yogurt.”  
Hoseok scoffs. “It’s freezing outside, though.”  
“That’s what I keep telling him! Wha- **Hey**!” There’s a scuffling sound, mixed with Hyungwon chuckling and screams from Minhyuk, before there’s a loud thump, so loud the phone must have hit the carpet in their scramble.  
Hoseok frowns, bemused, before Hyungwon’s voice speaks up.  
“I keep telling him that the frozen yogurt place we went to in the summer also does cookie dough and coffee.” There’s another sound of a scuffle, and Hoseok laughs uncontrollably as some colorful curses are yelled through the connection, and it’s Minhyuk’s voice in his ear again.  
“Can you please tell him to focus? We have a pop quiz tomorrow.”  
“Actually, I was going to say cookie dough sounds amazing.”  
A loud theatrical gasp can be heard on the other end. “Hoseok, you traitor” Minhyuk whispers to him.  
“Come on, it’ll be fun. How much are you guys actually going to study anyway, you know we’re not a group that revise together, you’ll get distracted no matter where you are.”  
Minhyuk grumbles. “Fine.” He huffs. “But I’m not paying for my own cookie.”

They grin up at him from a table across the diner when he ducks inside a while later, shaking the rain off his jacket and ruffling his hair out of his hood. There’s already a coffee beside the notes spread out before Minhyuk, but Hyungwon waits until Hoseok studies the menu before going up to the counter to order.

They’d chose a four person table by the window, and the rain still patters down around them outside. It’s cosy in the diner, but the glass is cool under his fingers when Hoseok reaches out to trace the racing raindrops.  
“So…” Minhyuk begins, and when Hoseok looks towards him there’s an impish grin on his face. “How do you feel, prince charming?”  
Hoseok laughs and presses one burning pink cheek against the window pane. “More like Cinderella honestly. Like I’ll show up to school tomorrow and nothing will change between us.”  
“Nonsense.” Minhyuk scolds.  
Hoseok looks down at the table self consciously, rubbing his arms despite the warmth of the diner. “Is it?” He asks softly, but Minhyuk answers immediately, certain.  
“Of course it its. He likes you. He kissed you, didn’t he?”  
For some reason, Hoseok feels the need to challenge him. “Yeah, but-”  
“And you can tell he’s smitten every time he looks at you, you idiot. Stop overthinking this.”  
He sighs. “Sorry.”

The only response he gets is a fond smile, because Hyungwon returns to the table and the moment passes.

“So!” The other boy announces, placing a tray on the table before shuffling into the seat opposite Hoseok, beside the window. “One caramel cookie dough” he plonks a hot plate in front of Hoseok “one long-awaited frozen yogurt, and a cookies and cream waffle.” Minhyuk claps his hand as Hyungwon places his order in front of him.  
“Thank you” he sings.  
Hyungwon smiles smugly, and Hoseok laughs at his expression. “See? I told you this was a good idea.”  
Minhyuk rolls his eyes. “When I fail that quiz and my parents grill me about it, I’m saying it’s all your fault.”

All he gets is a shrug- Hyungwon already has a mouthful of yoghurt.

There’s a collective round of satisfied moans as they eat, drawing a few odd looks from the other occupied tables (though the place is mostly dead at this hour in the middle of the week), and Minhyuk looks up to say something about how amazing his waffle is when his eyes flicker to behind Hoseok.  
“Oh-Kyung!” He waves with a grin, and Hoseok’s pulse spikes and his stomach drops but when he turns around Changkyun is walking towards them all the same, bundled in a jacket and cream sweater that make him look achingly cute, his cheeks a little flushed from the cold.  
“I told him to come in case there was something we couldn’t understand.” Minhyuk explains, missing the awkward, shaky smiles Hoseok and Changkyun give each other as Changkyun sits down next to him.

Changkyun frowns at the frozen yogurt, and then at the waffle. “Are we celebrating something?”  
For a moment, as Hyungwon shakes his head and happily gulps down more frozen yogurt, Hoseok thinks he’s safe. But then Hoseok catches his eye with that same impish grin and he feels everything slow down as his heartbeat races in his ears.  
Minhyuk leans a little closer to Changkyun opposite him, with a hand over one side of his mouth as he whispers.  
Hoseok can hardly hear over his own heartbeat, and is too busy focussing on keeping the blush down, but he hears Changkyun’s response.  
“O-Oh” He says, eyes flickering up from the table once to look at Hoseok before flitting away. Hoseok’s staring at him, he knows, too intensely as he tries to catch his reaction. But then Changkyun breaks out into a grin.

“Took him long enough” he teases, shoving Hoseok on the shoulder, and then gets pulled into discussions of course material too complicated to make any sense to Hoseok.  
As Hyungwon and Minhyuk badger him with questions, Hoseok can’t help but keep staring. None of them seem to notice, too frustrated over equations they can’t quite remember or different answers they get for sample questions, so he tries to find a sign of dissatisfaction in Changkyun’s face.

Jealousy, he corrects. He’s looking for jealousy.  
But he can’t find it- it doesn’t turn the tips of Changkyun’s fingers white where he grips his pen, doesn’t make his voice shaky or bitter as he speaks, doesn’t pull at the corners of his pink lips.

Hoseok goes back to looking at the rain.

 _Is_ he jealous? He asks himself. Did he _want_ Changkyun to be jealous? If so- of who? Hoseok, because he’d kissed Kihyun, or Kihyun, because he’d kissed Hoseok?

He’s over thinking again, he knows, and he tries to will the thoughts away as he watched the rain fall, but he can’t quite do it.  
Hoseok can’t stop thinking about Kihyun, what he’s doing in all this rain, locked up in that huge house of his, but he can’t shake thoughts of the boy right next to him either. In his head, he can admit to himself that he felt a little disappointed, at Changkyun’s lack of reaction, as if the rain blocks out his shame, but he’d never allow himself to fully believe it.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t feel the other boy’s gaze on him, or hear the other two ask what was wrong when he keeps getting lost in the simplest equations.


	29. Rock, Scissors, Papers

Hoseok feels like his heart is about to burst from his chest when he walks up to their schoolgates the next day, lightheaded in the cold morning light, trying to breath normally as he walks passed flocks of students loitering outside the building.   
His hands grip the straps of the backpack slung across his back, his legs feeling a little unsteady as he makes his way towards his locker at a slower pace than normal, half anxious about the bell he knows is about to ring, half hoping it will never. Because when it rings the day will start, and he’ll see Kihyun, and he’ll have to hold all of this nervousness inside to resemble anything close to calm.   
And... he’ll see Changkyun too, and he needs to chose how to act, tell himself that his feelings aren’t there, aren’t that strong, to not pick at everything Changkyun tells him, burying himself in the words to search for a feeling like his. Like he does everyday.

The bell does cuts through his thoughts, like he knew it would, and he jumps, slamming his locker shut with enough force to shock the students around him, drawing eyes towards himself as he spins on his heels and heads towards an already full classroom.

Minhyuk meets his eye as he shuffles inside, avoiding the glare of the teacher by the board, blocking out the feeling of all eyes on him- and the mutters that always come with making this kind of entrance.   
“Hey” he whispers, sliding into the empty seat besides Minhyuk, who smiles at him without looking away from the board. Hoseok looks over and realises it’s already full of text that's practically indecipherable, scrambling clumsily for a pen as he sees the teacher reach for a   
cloth to wipe all of the work away. The lesson is spent in near silence, with them both struggling to keep up with the fast pace, and Hoseok loses his nervousness amongst the flood of words.

“Have you saw him since?” Minhyuk asks, as they escape the classroom as fast as they can, and he doesn’t need to explain who he’s talking about, because all Hoseok can see when he turns to look is the mischief in his eyes, the knowing upturned smile.

“No.” Hoseok admits- begrudgingly, because it means Minhyuk will know how jittery he is now, and the pitying smile Minhyuk gives him confirms this suspicion.

“Oh. Well- I don’t think he’s here today. I haven’t saw him, anyway.”  
Hoseok only feels relief when he realises Minhyuk is right, when he swings himself onto his lab stool in Chemistry and finds an empty desk waiting for him, no Kihyun in sight. 

Most of the relief is short lived though, because without facing the other boys he still feels on edge, and his empty desk seems lonely now- before, he preferred to be alone in lessons, and Minhyuk was the only exception to that rule. Now having a vacant chair by his side is irritating.   
All of the relief is gone by the time the lesson is over (when Hoseok realises he’d been making notes without really paying any attention to what his pen was writing) and a workbook slaps the wood in front of him. When he looks up his teacher has already turned away.

“If you could give this to Kihyun like the last bundle I gave you that would be great, Hoseok” the man says, without looking up from typing, and the boredom in his voice is enough for Hoseok to clear his throat and ask.

“Do you know why he wasn’t here today?”  
The only answer he receives is a frown, before the adult pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and sighs. “No, can’t say I do. I thought his attendance was getting better.”

Weary that he might have made the situation worse, Hoseok scoops up the workbook and stands.  
“I’m sure he was just ill” he mutters awkwardly, making for the door quickly as he realises the other students have all left the room by now, leaving only the two of them in the quiet classroom.

 

Hoseok cradles the papers to his chest as he leaves the room quickly, so quick he doesn’t realise there’s someone in front of him until he hears a cry of surprise. At least he hopes it’s surprise, and not pain, because as soon as his feet are over the threshold of his chemistry room he barges head on into Changkyun.  
“Oh, Hoseok!”

The smaller boy bounces back a little, giggling a little under his breath. He stops when he sees Hoseok’s expression, tipping his head curiously.  
“Hoseok? Are you alright?”  
Hoseok snaps back to his senses with a shaky breath, a small smile the only one he can muster.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”

But you looked so like Kihyun for a moment, he can’t help but think.   
I couldn’t help remember when I first bumped into him.   
The thundering of his heartbeat in his ears is the same.   
The weak sensation is his legs is back again.   
The jittery shakes of his breath, of his hands, are there too, just shy of excitement, still mingled with surprise.

 

“Are you sure?” Changkyun looks a little sheepish, and Hoseok realises he’s still staring, as the younger boy looks down at the ground and then back up uncertain.

“Yeah. Yeah, you just surprised me.”  
The moments gone, especially with Changkyun smiling at him like he is, because Kihyun’s expression had been so different when they met.  
“It was you that walked into me, you idiot” Changkyun says fondly.

His eyes finally catch the paper still hugged at Hoseok’s chest.  
“More work for Kihyun?” Hoseok nods, and Changkyun’s smile seems wryer. “Me too.” He holds up a wad of paper worksheets with a laugh.

“Oh.” Hoseok didn’t let himself wonder about Changkyun being given the same job as he had been. Wonder whether he wasn’t the only one to have been let into Kihyun’s house. “Well, I could take those for you if you want?”

“No” Changkyun clears his throat and adjusts the strap of his backpack. “I mean, I kind of wanted to do it. We could go together?”  
Hoseok pretends he didn’t notice how loud Changkyun’s voice had been at first.  
“Sure,”-he smiles- “that way we could split the taxi fee?”  
Changkyun hates himself for feeling so relieved. But he just nods.

The bell rings above them, making both boys wonder at how quickly time had passed.  
“Well then,” Changkyun says as he starts walking backwards into the crowds of flocking students “I’ll meet you after classes.”


	30. Smoke and mirrors

Hoseok thinks he would have prefered silence that the strange small talk they’d settle into on the taxi ride. They spoke as if they were strangers, or acquaintances, and the awkwardness in their conversation is so alien to what they're usually like with each other. At least silence would be easier than keeping this up- plus, they're close enough that silence is fine with them. Which only makes it weirder, how they'd avoided it in favour of whatever insignificant thing they could think to talk about.  
When he finally sees Kihyun’s house before them Hoseok breathes a sigh of relief, feeling tired. 

“Wow” Changkyun breathes, and it’s obviously his first time seeing where Kihyun lives, because Hoseok can see his expression reflected in the taxi window and can’t help but laugh.  
He must have looked like that, a little star-struck, the first time he took this taxi ride. On Changkyun’s soft features, the surprise is child-like. Cute.

“I didn’t think it would look… quite like this.” He admits, as Hoseok swings the taxi door shit after him, and the cold air that hits them turns the top of his cheeks pink and Hoseok feels himself smile wider than he had in awhile.

“Yeah, I know the feeling.”  
The taxi rolls passed them, tyres crunching the pebbled drive below them, and they walk up the path to the double doors quietly. Less awkward than before, Hoseok thinks gratefully.

 

They don’t even get to knocking, though, because as soon as they get close enough to the doors they can see a figure sat against the wall near them.   
It’s Kihyun, with his back pressed against the stone and his arms across the knees he'd drawn up near his chest. A thin trail of grey curls towards them from the cigarette in his hand.  
He must have been lost in thought, because he only spots them when they’re halfway up the path, only feet away from him.

When he does spot them Kihyun starts, scrambling to his feet.   
“What are you two doing here?” He asks.

Changkyun, who’d stopped to rummage in his backpack, waves the papers at him.  
He explains “We were given work for you, things that you missed today.”

“Oh.” Kihyun seems to pull himself together a little, holding out his hand for the papers. He frowns as he flicks through them.   
“You did all this today, did you” he mutters, and Hoseok realises how the piles couldn’t possibly be the things they covered in the lessons Kihyun just missed.

“Do they always give you more work?” He asks, and Kihyun’s eyes flicker up to him.   
“Usually.” He takes a drag of the cigarette. “They must still have high expectations of me.”

 

Changkyun is loitering, almost imperceptibly distant from them. It makes Hoseok feel like the conversation is private, and then annoyed that it isn’t. There’s so many things he needs to ask Kihyun.  
Kihyun, who’s watching him as if he knows what he’s thinking.   
“Shouldn’t you have kept the taxi?” 

The pebbles move around under Chankgyun’s feet as he fidgets. “We could only afford a trip to your house. Didn’t have a lot of cash on us.”  
Kihyun nods, rummaging around in his pockets. He manages to pull out his wallet from his jacket, after a little searching, and bites the cigarette so his hands are free.  
His voice is muffled by the cigarette in his mouth. “How much do you need?” He asks.

Changkyun looks as shocked as Hoseok feels when they share a look.  
“Oh, we just thought someone could give us a lift, we didn’t think-”  
“-It’s not a problem” Kihyun cuts in. He looks a little glaringly up at Changkyun. “How much?”  
Changkyun doesn’t protest when Kihyun puts the money in his hand, but he can tell he’s frowning.

Hoseok’s voice is quiet. “Are you OK?”   
Kihyun stuffs the wallet back into his pocket and takes another drag. “Why do you ask?”  
But there’s a tight smile on his face, as if he was being sarcastic, and Hoseok feels his disappointment twist closer to annoyance.

“Because you weren’t at college today? Because you’re smoking like a chimney?” He can feel Chankgyun’s eyes on the back on his head as the mood only sours further.  
“I’m fine.”  
Hoseok rolls his eyes. “You’ve really got to stop smoking so much-” he reaches for the cigarette but Kihyun draws his arm away. The movement draws Hoseok’s eye to the exposed skin at the wrist of his hoodie. It’s the wrong arm, but Hoseok feels his anger slip anyway.

Changkyun’s voice picks up from behind him. “Do you smoke so much because you know they won’t like it?”  
Kihyun looks at him quickly, silent for a long moment. He takes a drag, a long one, without breaking eye contact.   
He speaks, finally. “Who’s ‘they’?”

Changkyun shrugs, his confidence gone. “I don’t know.”  
“Teachers.” Hoseok fills in. “Your parents. People that still have high expectations of you.”

Kihyun sighs deeply, looking up at the sky over their heads.   
“When did you two get so perceptive?” He flicks the cigarette away from him, and though there’s bitterness in his voice some of the coldness melts away. When he looks down to see both of them smiling at him- slightly smug, he thinks- he feels himself smile too.

“Would you believe me if I said the hair was the thing that annoyed them the most? Because it was.”  
Just like that they’re laughing. Not because any of them find it very funny- in fact, Hoseok and Changkyun each feel their heart ache- but because Kihyun’s returned, rebellious and snarky and who he normally is.

The sound of an engine revs, and they look to see a shiny black car coming along the drive towards the gates.  
Kihyun smiles guiltily. “You should get going now.”  
Hoseok feels a spike of urgency and opens his mouth to protest, the questions still in the back of his mind, but Kihyun waves it away.   
“I’ll see you at school.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can now find me on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/BdaEcvcHzGe/  
> And tumblr at solum-omnium-lumen-x


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